Officials at the US Geological Survey are reporting a dramatic increase in indicators for significant seismic activity. The vast majority of the indicators are located in the eastern Tennessee region around Knoxville. One scientist told us "Using our advanced mathematical extrapolation programs, we believe a major earthquake will occur along the banks of the Tennessee river in downtown Knoxville. We believe this earthquake will be so severe, it would register 10.2 to 10.4 on the Richter scale. I know there are many who will scoff at the possibility, but I've been vetted, check my stats!"
Another scientist we spoke to, Dr. Elmer Grumorsniffer, told us the impending earthquake will send shockwaves throughout the entire southeastern US and could be felt as far away as Columbus, OH and Ann Arbor, MI. Dr. Grumorsniffer also warned of severe psychological trauma as a result of the earthquake. "We've already been in contact with Emergency Management officials in Tuscaloosa, Athens and Gainesville to warn and prepare them. Citizens of those locations have demonstrated a severely depleted ability to cope with challenges of this magnitude and we want to get the word out early to aid in the preparation". When asked to describe the type of psychological fallout he expects to see, Dr. Grumorsniffer replied "Wailing and gnashing of teeth would not be an overstatement!".
When asked if he could provide any additional words of warning, Dr. Grumorsniffer told me, "Soon people, very very SOON"!
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