Recruiting Forum Off Topic Thread III

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#4,501
#4,501
Glitch said:
Where do you live and how old are your boys?


J/K but thank you for raising your boys that way. I hope my girls find young men that have been raised well and will be wives worthy of those young men.
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Deal! :) 5-4-2 and one still attached to a placenta 😆. I hope your girls have a lick of athletic ability because I for sure didn’t bestow that upon any of my offspring.
 
#4,502
#4,502
PoweredByTheT said:
I was with you up until "pornography addiction" :eek:lol:...

Seriously though... I've got a daughter as well... her ass would be rainbow colored if I ever heard about her being as naive and stupid as this girl was, putting herself in that poor of a situation cause she was smitten over a celebrity athlete.

I'd pull her out of UT and home-college her

Not a joke I'm serious
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What is home-college?
 
#4,503
#4,503
PoweredByTheT said:
I respectfully disagree.

A. Sex is a perfectly healthy habit for adults to have. The whole sex-shaming, making it taboo, secretive, and blushing when talking about sex isn't productive to society. People that have sex more often are healthier and happier than people who don't. There's no shame in that. I agree but it isn't healthy to have multiple partners. I don't think sex should be taboo but societies version of sex is way off base.

B. Cutting people off from a perfectly natural human instinct isn't productive and can lead to sexual dysfunction more than providing a healthy environment for somebody to learn in. I agree again but denying that monogamous sex is more healthy than promiscuity is lying to yourself. Having one partner allows you to connect with another person like no other experience.
When you have multiple partners, it lessens your ability or desire to connect on that truly intense level.

e.g. Nobody has ever gotten pregnant, caught an STD, or went to jail for masturbating to pornography at an appropriate time in an appropriate place. No but denying that lives and marriages haven't been ruined because of pornography is delusional. Newt thinks that only simple minded people can get caught up in porno addiction, but I promise you that some very intelligent people have been pulled in to dark places because of porn.

So if you're going to raise your children and tell them they can't touch their own bodies for any kind of sexual stimulation until they're married... you are the naive one. I don't see that as healthy for an adolescent. I am not an idiot and know that kids will explore their own bodies. However, when you introduce porn or another person into the mix it becomes less a person exploring themselves and more a perversion and higher chance of sexual dysfunction and/or promiscuity.

C. Sex with other people prior to marriage is going to happen. Very few people... especially now... as people are shifting towards waiting until their 30's to get married, are going to be virgins are their wedding. You can hold the moral wand of encouragement and wave it around all you want, but it's unrealistic. Instead, it should certainly be encouraged to use protection at all times and if your daughter is sexually active, get her on birth control until she's old enough to take care of a child. Otherwise, you're just encouraging her to go behind your back without the tools she needs to avoid a bad outcome. Why? Why is this unrealistic? I'll tell you... because sex is thrown in our faces everywhere we look. It is not impossible to do though. I know people that are in their 30's and have not found the right person yet and have abstained from sex. It is possible.

That being said, if my daughter approaches me at 13 and asks for birth control, I'm going to lock her in a basement for a while. Agreed.

D. As for unrealistic expectations for sex formed through pornography... it's much more like the action movie than the New York apartment. Of course, it's fantastical and overblown, just like anything else you see on TV (even the "reality shows"). At the same time, it gives you a safe way to explore things you might be into and find a like-minded partner that's into the same things. I guess if you get into something super-weird that you can't even approach your partner with, and that's the only thing that does if for you, then that's an issue... but it's just like anything else in life... Porn is similar to a drug. It causes the pleasure center of your brain to be activated because what you are seeing is exciting to your brain. However, after you watch for a while, your brain doesn't get as excited as it used to so you look for something a little more risque. So on and so forth. Then watching isn't sufficient. I realize it doesn't work like that for everyone and not everyone who watches porn eventually ends up turning tricks to pay for their porn site subscriptions, but it will suck you in and corrupt your ideas of what "normal" sex is likely to be like.

Everything's OK in moderation. Not true.


I'm not gonna tell people how to raise their kids... that's your own business... and you guys can be prudes or hypocritical or whatever... your own business. I am not a prude and people can certainly raise their kids how they will. I just see what is happening to our society and it frightens me for my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I'd prefer my daughter to be able to have an honest conversation with me about anything she comes across in life so I can guide her in the right direction when the time comes. Most kids are going to do what they're going to do anyway... might as well be there for them instead of pretending its a perfect world and sex/drugs don't happen in it. Agree here as well and we have had some of these talks with our oldest and will start soon with her sisters. They need to know what their parents value so they can decide if they want to value the same things. The order I place my values are my God, my wife, my children, my extended family, my friends, Vol Football, everything else.

Luckily I have a long way to go before I have to worry about these things.. and my opinion is fluid and could certainly change by the time that comes around.

.....

Typing this all out did make me want to go ahead and finish my basement though :) Make the locks strong!
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Answered within your post.
 
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#4,505
#4,505
Glitch said:
Answered within your post.
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I'm not necessarily saying only simple minded people get addicted to porn. Its like any other addiction, alcohol, heroin,etc. Some people are just wired to be susceptible to over doing things and having it take over their life. PoweredbytheT said it best, moderation in all things.

What I was really arguing is the thought that it makes people have unrealistic goals of their mates or life in general. Comparing porn to real life is simple minded.
 
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#4,508
#4,508
Glitch said:
Answered within your post.
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I feel like we're not that different. I just don't view pornography as an evil drug that's coming to make my sexual life dysfunctional. My apologies if you had bad experiences.

The Mrs likes to throw one on every now and then and spice things up. I don't see an issue unless, like I said, you get into some weird thing that you'd never be able to present to your partner.

All good though, carry on :hi:
 
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#4,513
#4,513
engineerVOL said:
Deal! :) 5-4-2 and one still attached to a placenta 😆. I hope your girls have a lick of athletic ability because I for sure didn’t bestow that upon any of my offspring.
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13-10-9

My youngest daughter is very athletic but built like a stick. (Like her diddy)

The middle one doesn't have much athletic desire and a mild case of asthma has led her down academic and musical roads.

The oldest is lazy but is the spitting image of my wife. My wife could do no physical activity for six months and then in 2 weeks can be slimmed and toned and ready for the beach.
 
#4,514
#4,514
bignewt said:
I'm not necessarily saying only simple minded people get addicted to porn. Its like any other addiction, alcohol, heroin,etc. Some people are just wired to be susceptible to over doing things and having it take over their life. PoweredbytheT said it best, moderation in all things.

What I was really arguing is the thought that it makes people have unrealistic goals of their mates or life in general. Comparing porn to real life is simple minded.
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I think most people would understand that the good looking nurse that happens to be shaving you for a surgery doesn't want your junk. However, the way that men and women behave in porn is not realistic. People begin to develop expectations like, "the girls in those films climax over and over but my man can get me there once" or vice versa for a guy thinking he isn't satisfying his wife. The snowball grows and grows until the relationship begins to deteriorate.
 
#4,516
#4,516
PoweredByTheT said:
I feel like we're not that different. I just don't view pornography as an evil drug that's coming to make my sexual life dysfunctional. My apologies if you had bad experiences.

The Mrs likes to throw one on every now and then and spice things up. I don't see an issue unless, like I said, you get into some weird thing that you'd never be able to present to your partner.

All good though, carry on :hi:
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Many people do this but how long before you suggest it and all of the sudden it isn't a way to spice things up but she thinks you need it because she doesn't excite you anymore.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
 
#4,517
#4,517
Glitch said:
I think most people would understand that the good looking nurse that happens to be shaving you for a surgery doesn't want your junk. However, the way that men and women behave in porn is not realistic. People begin to develop expectations like, "the girls in those films climax over and over but my man can get me there once" or vice versa for a guy thinking he isn't satisfying his wife. The snowball grows and grows until the relationship begins to deteriorate.
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I'm sorry but that is ridiculous Glitch.
 
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#4,518
#4,518
bignewt said:
I'm sorry but that is ridiculous Glitch.
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This is actually a legitimate thing with millennials. There's even a movement, albiet small because of people like you and pbtt, of young men who were addicted to porn and couldn't sustain a relationship because of the high expectations. When all you hear is "it's ok" somethings that aren't ok to do are believed to be ok to do. Look at all the rapings that happen on college campuses. Do you honestly believe most are because they're drunk? No it's because these boys, and girls, have been told "it's ok" all their lives and still believe it to be true when contradicted with "it's not ok"
 
#4,520
#4,520
The other problem with porn isn’t that it’s satisfying. The problem is that it’s not.

(Got that nugget from Tim Keller)
 
#4,521
#4,521
Glitch said:
No and my wife and I have told our 13 year old that. We also told her how having sex outside of marriage and pornography have caused issues in our lives. They both cause unrealistic desires or expectations of a partner that cannot be lived up to. My views on this have changed dramatically in the last few years and I want better for my kids than what I did.

Edit: As to the prudish and out of touch comments that might surface... I am not prudish. Sex is a wonderful thing when within the confines of a loving marriage. It feels good for a reason... so that we will want to procreate. In terms of being out of touch.... I am fine with that, because societies views of sex are disgusting. We are told not to objectify women but look at virtually any mainstream tv show and I can almost guarantee that there will be some form of female sexual objectification. It isn't new either. It has been happening for a long time. It is not good for our society long term IMO.
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I agree. I wasn't judging btw. I was just looking for your perspective. It is extremely hard to prevent your kids especially as they get older as young adults from premarital sex. Hopefully they'll buy what we the parents are selling. I have a daughter that is out of the house now with a job. My sphere of influence is very diminished. I've done all I can for her. She's a really good kid though.

Now most of my attention has been focused on my 18 yo son. He's entering UT as a freshman this fall. Will be a commuter though. He's a good kid too.
 
#4,522
#4,522
There's men that can't make their ladies climax more than once or at all?

Not an expert but kinda sounds like guys blaming something, anything for unaccomplished goals.

Kinda like the "fake bodies on TV" slogan. Some have legitimate reasons absolutely, many just ain't putting in the effort.
 
#4,523
#4,523
InVOLuntary said:
I agree. I wasn't judging btw. I was just looking for your perspective. It is extremely hard to prevent your kids especially as they get older as young adults from premarital sex. Hopefully they'll buy what we the parents are selling. I have a daughter that is out of the house now with a job. My sphere of influence is very diminished. I've done all I can for her. She's a really good kid though.

Now most of my attention has been focused on my 18 yo son. He's entering UT as a freshman this fall. Will be a commuter though. He's a good kid too.
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They are good kids, because they have good parents. 😉
 
#4,524
#4,524
Ulysees E. McGill said:
Told you the "enlightened progressives" would come running to mock your decency....just like clockwork.
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You said degenerates, which was pretty judgmental and unnecessary imo. And as far as I can tell it is been a very civil discussion on both sides. The only mocking I've seen about this issue has been from you. Both sides have a right to state their opinions here. Disagreeing isn't attacking or mocking.
 
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#4,525
#4,525
Glitch said:
Many people do this but how long before you suggest it and all of the sudden it isn't a way to spice things up but she thinks you need it because she doesn't excite you anymore.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
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I'm 33... I've been with my wife for about 9 years solid... on and off for about 15... we've been married for 3...

I don't see it ever being an issue. It's occasional, usually on toy night... once a week or so... she's got her flavor, I have mine...

Lately not as much because she's 8 months pregnant, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy sex life... toys and visual aids in the bedroom...

What's wrong is missionary once every month... that sounds like a divorce waiting to happen. :)
 
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