The Grude News, the morning edition. For those just joining us...
Well, first official press conference without FORMER Coach Lyle Allen "Butch" Jones at the podium. I'm pretty sure the entire room felt a little uncomfortable sitting there with their Butch Bingo cards ready to go and Hoke walks up without using any catch phrases. It actually went fairly well without having all kinds of crazy catch phrases. I did like his emphasis on the Seniors.
DTO stated many stories of Jones will come out this week as players and staff start to leak information about his time here. I doubt very seriously it's going to be flowery. As a matter of fact, it's kind of already started. And it's ugly. Probably going to get downright nasty by the time it's over.
Bubba brought the heat earlier on Currie's grin at the press conference yesterday. Stated it was a "smirk of concealment" rather than one of humor.
That's motivating for sure. I'm pretty sure the last time I trusted a man named Bubba, my wallet got stolen and I woke up missing a kidney. So, don't mess this one up, please.
DTO is hearing awesome things. But made the disclaimer he got burned before and "11th hour snags" blew it up. I can't say that I blame him, Boro and OV for being cautiously optimistic.
And speaking of optimistic, where is Slice? Hope all is well with Red. Sincerely mean that.
BCarter is like one foot on the train, one foot dragging the platform at the station. Gave validity to the house hunting rumors from a couple of weeks ago.
There seems to be universal approval for Currie calling recruits according to rumors out there. It speaks well he is trying to hold this class together.
Face is now famous (or infamous) for making a joke out of one of Ron Swanson's posts. Apparently, the 100% guaranteed insider status joke post went viral and even Swain thought it interesting. We do tend to get around pretty good. WTH? I have yet to be Tweeted and hell, I'm the news guy.
We had a nice Beaver shot last night. Seems as if he's always lurking. Said call him the "Mystic Beaver."
Columbia Vol noted that would make a dandy name for a strip club.
And Ape showed up not long afterwards demanding scotch. Not sure if he received his bottle of Macallan Fine and Rare 1955 from Beaver yet though.
Beaver continued to tease. It's not the first time Beaver has teased a bunch of folks.
Babyvol from TOS basically implied Thirsday might get interesting. We shall see.
In other news today, the actors doing the text to voice have reached a boiling level. Due to the fact many posts come on top of each other, actors and actresses kept walking over each other and are starting to squabble over it. Freak decided to offer the deck of the Grude 1 yacht as a floating amphitheater in a celebrity cage match for them to settle their differences. It will be a true tournament style battle with 68 spots in a bracket style single elimination.
Currently, Justin Beiber (voicing for Behr) is set for one of the wild card spots and is matched against a surprisingly spry Betty White (voicing for Catbone). The Beib is a solid 90 point underdog, though that number came down significantly from opening at 200 when Racist Joe went all in on his offshore bets for Beiber. And speaking of JoeVol33, his voice over, actor/artist Ice T, was scheduled for an old school rap versus an old school country showdown with Hank Williams Jr (voicing for Jake), but injuries sidelined the both of them. So, a random drawing was held in which Gal Gadot (voicing for SFD) and Blake Lively (voicing for Sara Clark) took their place.
However, a freak baby oil accident caused by a careless Simian stagehand who tripped and spilled ten gallons on the pair as they were starting to wrangle caused the ruckus to be put on hold for the moment. Referee Freak decided it was safer to allow the pair to clean up prior to continuing the match.
8,742 members of VN immediately lived up to the Tennessee nickname and volunteered to assist cleaning the pair after Official Freak called it off. Never before in Tennessee history have so many been willing to sacrifice so much for so few. John Currie was on board for an official tour and was asked for comment about the match up of the pair as well as the baby oil accident. However, he remained tight lipped and only gave us this:
From the entire Volnation News Team, I'm Grand Vol and he doesn't know it's a damn show, he thinks it's a damn fight!
(All information herein is specifically parody unless otherwise indicated by real posters or events)
