Heard Any Good Jokes?

#101
#101
Originally posted by TRENT+Apr 13, 2005 12:31 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (TRENT @ Apr 13, 2005 12:31 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Truebammerfan@Apr 13, 2005 11:44 AM
Lady In Orange is a huge joke.  Does she not have a job?  She can&#39;t have that many posts and have a real life.  Watch the Alabama games.  VOLS SUCK&#33;&#33;&#33;
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From what I know about her from reading her posts...She seems like a very good person&#33; :bow: [/quote]
I agree.
 
#103
#103
Originally posted by Truebammerfan@Apr 13, 2005 10:44 AM
Lady In Orange is a huge joke. Does she not have a job? She can&#39;t have that many posts and have a real life. Watch the Alabama games. VOLS SUCK&#33;&#33;&#33;
Click to expand...

OMG................... :freak:
 
#104
#104
Originally posted by Truebammerfan@Apr 13, 2005 11:43 AM
I&#39;ve got a joke for you. The Vols teams. Ha ha ha.
Click to expand...

looks like im busting out the bama jokes.
 
#105
#105
State Slogan: Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity


Alabama Dumb Laws


It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.


Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.


It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.


Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.


Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.


Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.


It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.


You must have windshield wipers on your car.


You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.


Masks may not be worn in public.


Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.


You may not drive barefooted.


It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.


It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.


Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.


Incestous marriages are legal.


Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.


Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.


Lee County
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.


Mobile
It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.


It is unlawful to wear women&#39;s pumps with sharp, high heels.


Montgomery
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)
 
#106
#106
An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
Q: Did you hear about the &#036;3,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
A: The winner gets &#036;3 a year for a million years.


Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.


Q: Did you hear that the governor&#39;s mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert&#39; near took out the whole trailer park.


A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they&#39;re still brother and sister.


Q: What&#39;s the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
A: I-20 and I-10


Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what&#39;cha got in th&#39; bag?" "Jus&#39; some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I&#39;ll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"


Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody&#39;s fixin&#39; to lose them a trailer.


An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire&#33;"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don&#39;t you still have them big red trucks?"


Q: Why do folks in Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

A: &#39;Cuz 17 and under not admitted.
 
#107
#107
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I&#39;m from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He&#39;s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he&#39;s from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He&#39;s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he&#39;s from Alabama,too&#33; Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What&#39;s the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don&#39;t want to have to explain it three times."
 
#108
#108
A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they&#39;re walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful&#33;

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there&#33;&#33;
 
#109
#109
Billy Bob and his family moved from Alabama to Maine to so his Paw could find better work picking potatoes. The next day Billy Bob started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could&#33;"

His Paw replied "That&#39;s cuz you&#39;s from Bama, son&#33;"

The next day he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to count as high as we could en Ah counted the highest&#33;"

His Paw replied, "That&#39;s cuz you&#39;s from Bama, son&#33;"

The next day, he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, today, when we wuz all in a line, Ah noticed Ah wuz the biggest of all&#33; Ah bet that&#39;s cuz Ah&#39;m from Bama, huh Paw?"

His Paw replied, "No son, that&#39;s cuz yer 17 years old."
 
#110
#110
Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog&#39;s collar, and twists, breaking the dog&#39;s neck and killing him instantly.

A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I&#39;ve ever seen&#33;" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal&#33;"

The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I&#39;m not a Bama Fan, I&#39;m an Auburn Fan&#33;"

The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"
 
#111
#111
Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there&#33;

Q. What&#39;s the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles

A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I&#39;d like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan&#33;" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme&#33;" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

Q. What is the most common line used by an Auburn alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?

Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they&#39;re afraid of Alabama Power.

Q. What do you call a genius at Alabama?
A. Visitor.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn&#39;t&#33;

Q. What was the last thing David Housel said to Terry Bowden?
A. Don&#39;t let the door knob hit you in the head&#33;

It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University&#39;s response was "Why do we need another phone company?"
 
#113
#113
well I hate it when bama fans come on here and talk stuff. I can go all day with bama jokes.
 
#115
#115
Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.

I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top , I noticed that all of the Alabama fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened?

They replied with fear in their eyes, "WE DON&#39;T HAVE A DRIVER."
 
#116
#116
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a &#036;50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks&#33;" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;"
 
#117
#117
Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.
 
#119
#119
A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.

First, the arburn alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, "Ready, aim...."

The arbum alum yells "Sandstorm&#33;" and all the Iraqis hit the dirt and the guy alum runs away.

The Tennesse guy was placed in front of the firing squad. The officer said "Ready, aim.....";

The Tennesseean shouted " Tornado&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;". All the Iraqis again hit the dirt while the Volunteer escaped.

The bama guy thought this was great. When he was blindfolded, again the officer shouted "Ready, aim...."

The he shouted "FIRE&#33;"
 
#120
#120
An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.

As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We&#39;re tryin&#39; to get out, but we can&#39;t get the dang tailgate open&#33;"
 
#121
#121
LAST ONE






A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains" , &#036;5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.

The clerk replies, "Well, we&#39;ve got Tennessee brains for &#036;10 an ounce, and Alabama football brains for &#036;1,000,000 an ounce."

The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"

The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Alabama football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains&#33;"
 
#122
#122
Originally posted by vols2345@Apr 13, 2005 10:12 PM
A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.

First, the arburn alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, "Ready, aim...."

The arbum alum yells "Sandstorm&#33;" and all the Iraqis hit the dirt and the guy alum runs away.

The Tennesse guy was placed in front of the firing squad. The officer said "Ready, aim.....";

The Tennesseean shouted " Tornado&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;". All the Iraqis again hit the dirt while the Volunteer escaped.

The bama guy thought this was great. When he was blindfolded, again the officer shouted "Ready, aim...."

The he shouted "FIRE&#33;"
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typical.

i bet they turn it around and use us at the end though.

hell im sure they use the same ones on us.

still funny though.
 
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