Heard Any Good Jokes?

#154
#154
How do you know NKV is having a bad day ?








His panty liner is behind his ear and he can't find his pencil.
 
#155
#155
A bear goes into a seedy bar (sevierville I think)
He goes up to the bar and says "gimmie a beer!!!"
Bar tender says....."We don't serve bears beers in this here bar"
Bear says "look, don't piss me off give me a damned beer."
Bartender continues to polish his glass and repeats "We do not serve bears beer in this here bar"
Bear says, "look buddy, if you don't gimmie a beer I'm gonna maul someone." He looks around and sees a old bar hag at the end of the bar is the only customer as it's noon.
"I'll eat her, if you don't gimmie a beer!"
Bartender says "I don't care what you do friend, we don't serve Bears beer in this here bar"
Bear says "alright....you asked for it!" goes down to the bar hag, and mauls her eating a good portion and spraying blood everywhere, comes back to the bar and says "now gimmie a damned beer!!!"
Bar tender says, "We don't serve bears beer in this here bar.......and futher more we don't serve drug addicts either."
Bear asks "What do you mean drug addict?"
Bartender says "well there's that Bar-b*tch-u-ate"
 
#156
#156
Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window". The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "What, are you nuts? There's no way that could happen. "No, its true," the first man says. "Let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets toward the street below. As he nears the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke." "No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps again. Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, why not." the second guy says, "It works. I'll try it." He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th, 10th 9th, 8th, floors. . . . . and hits the sidewalk with a SPLAT.

Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know Superman, you're an a*****e when you're drunk".



Didja hear that Alabama's changing their state motto?? New one: "The closer the kin, the deeper in". Second place went to "nothin' says lovin' like humpin' yer cousin".
 
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