Couple Of Jokes

#26
#26
Teacher asks the second grade class "what do you think the farmer said to chicken little when he ran up and said the sky is falling?" Little girl raises her hand and says "I think he said holy sh!t, a talking chicken".
 
#29
#29
Julius Caesar walks into a bar, "I'll have a martinus." The bartender asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'?"

"Look, If I wanted a double, I would've asked for it!"
 
#31
#31
A guy walks into a barber shop and asks "Bob Peters here?"

The barber replies, "Nope. Just cut hair."
 
#36
#36
What do hockey players and east indian women have in common?




































both change their pads after three periods
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#38
#38
salutethehill said:
Two atoms are sitting at a bar. One says to the other, "I just lost an electron." The other says, "are you sure?"

"I'm positive."
Click to expand...

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. "How much?" the neutron asks the bartender.

Bartender replies, "for you, no charge."
 
#39
#39
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians use a pencil.
 
#41
#41
Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and
kept the other as a control.
 
#42
#42
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve
mushrooms here."
And the mushroom replies "Why? I'm a Fun-gi."
 
#43
#43
These are all nerdy jokes, btw. They're my favorites.


What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing, you can't cross a scalar with a vector.
 
Last edited:
#44
#44
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
 
#45
#45
LOL! found this one on the google webz. I dedicate this one to Nerd-Vol.


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
#46
#46
Kinda funny:



A mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a theoretical physicist are stuck on a deserted island with only a can of beans for food. Since none of them has a can opener, they set about thinking of how to open the can.

The mechanical engineer says, "If we take this big rock and drop it on top of the can, the gravitational force will increase the pressure inside the can and force it to explode!" The other quickly shoot this down, pointing out that it will also squish the beans.

After a while, the chemical enginner says, "If we grind up these shells and mix them with the salt water, it will produce an acid strong enough to eat through the metal. We just have to put it on the rim of the can and wait." But they decide that would be toxic to the human body.

After a bit more time has passed, the theoretical physicist jumps up. "I've got it! First, we'll assume we have a can opener..."
 
#47
#47
Thrasher865 said:
These are all nerdy jokes, btw. They're my favorites.


What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
Nothing, you can't cross a scalar.
Click to expand...

What's next? physics jokes?

Hey, if you're not part of the solution, you're the precipitate.:crazy:
 
#48
#48
Asparagus family is crossing the road. Baby asparagus gets hit by a truck. Rushed to the hospital the doctor operates for hours trying to save his life. Finally comes out and tells papa asparagus "we saved your son but I'm afraid he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
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#50
#50
tri_vol said:
Asparagus family is crossing the road. Baby asparagus gets hit by a truck. Rushed to the hospital the doctor operates for hours trying to save his life. Finally comes out and tells papa asparagus "we saved your son but I'm afraid he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Posted via VolNation Mobile
Click to expand...

lulz
 
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