Couple Of Jokes

#77
#77
This one's funny if you understand the difference in the way mathematicians think:


A mathematician and an engineer agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the engineer in. He explains the situation, and the engineer's eyes light up. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?" The engineer smiles and replied, "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"
 
#78
#78
:)

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. In fact, now that you've taken up my time, I'm going to be even later meeting my friend!"

The man below says, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
 
#84
#84
Apparently you guys didn't enjoy my jokes. Here's one for VIF:


Yo' momma's so fat, someone said it was chilly outside, and she ran in the kitchen and grabbed a spoon!

FACE!
 
#85
#85
Thrasher865 said:
Apparently you guys didn't enjoy my jokes. Here's one for VIF:


Yo' momma's so fat, someone said it was chilly outside, and she ran in the kitchen and grabbed a spoon!

FACE!
Click to expand...

Yo momma so fat she uses pillow cases for socks.
Bam.
 
#87
#87
yo momma sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of Washington's nose
 
#88
#88
Nerd here too, Thrasher. Biologist who reads theoretical physics and philosophy in my spare time. Enjoyed them. Thanks for posting. :hi:
 
#89
#89
the building caught on fire and everyone had to haul azz. Yo momma so fat she had to make two trips.
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
#91
#91
Thrasher865 said:
:)

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. In fact, now that you've taken up my time, I'm going to be even later meeting my friend!"

The man below says, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
Click to expand...

I got it. I'm both.
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
#92
#92
A Socialist, a Muslim, and an Illegal Alien walk into a bar....



Bartender asks, "What will it be Mr. President?"
 
#95
#95
Why didn't the King Potatoe let his daughter marry Walter Kronkite?



...Cuz he was a "commentator"
 
#98
#98
2 female brain cells want to understand men, so they decided to jump into a man's brain one day. Once inside, they were wondering around and couldn't find any of the male brain cells. They were shouting, "Hello!!! Where is everyone?"....few seconds later, they hear a faint, "....we're down here!!"
 
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