I've experienced miscarriages from most every perspective a man can. In every instance it was not viewed as the death of a child but as a lost pregnancy. (None were past the 4 month mark)
I have posted about Hope, that we lost in a miscarriage. It has been a couple years, but in a thread with TRUT, and other old school VN politics regulars, i have posted about my now 10 year old daughter Hannah, and the miracles that God performed. I will try to keep this brief, but its a lot to tell..
When my wife was pregnant with my daughter Hannah,she was about 5 months or so along, and my wife began bleeding profusely. We knew something was bad wrong, as it was our 2nd child. Rush to the ER, they did an ultrasound, and couldnt even find the baby. No way to see anything, bc my wifes uterus had completely filled with blood. The screen was solid black from blood, we could only hear her little heart beat at over 200 beats per minute. I can still hear that sound when i think about it. They couldnt tell her sex yet, but i knew it was my daughter. I had already bought a framed picture at the southern Christmas show that had her name, Hannah, and told what that name meant below it. It describes her perfectly to this day, and hangs in her room.
The doctors told us they were sorry, but there was nothing they could do. We should just go home, and in 24 to 36 hours my wife would "pass IT." Her body was aborting the pregnancy, and "IT" would be passed, naturally, from her body. My wife laid on the hospital bed, and every time this arrogant azzhole called my daughter "IT" she could see my whole head turn red and veins bulging out, she knew i was about to flip. He said "IT" for the 3rd or 4th time, and i said "if you call her IT one more time..." and my wife, who was of course weeping squeezed my hand and mouthed the word "please..". That was all it took, i shut up, but that little pencil neck doctor knew i was about to choke him to death. It was saturday, we left the hospital with a follow up at the OB early next week.
We went to church Sunday morning as usual, after being up most of the night praying and crying, every time my wife got up from the living room to go pee Saturday, which is about every 15mins for a preg woman, o thought for sure she was going to lose the baby, and waited on pins and needles until she returned. So we weather all that, go to Church Sunday, and myself. The Pastor. Her dad, and all the deacons anointed my wife with oil in front of the church folks, laid hands on my wife, and we all, as a congregation, begged God to intervene and save my daughter, to heal her when modern medicine gave up and said her life was over. After church we went to her parents house and i sat on the floor all day next to my wife on the couch. I rubbed her feet, held her hands, waited on her hand and foot, prayed a whole lot, and dreaded when she got up to pee every 15 minutes...all day...again.
Monday morning my wife and i went to the OB and got an untrasound. We were amazed. God did it. Gave us a miracle. My wifes uterus was almost completely clear from blood...and little Hannahs heart was still thumping away at 200bpm...she was a fighter, and we could hear our little girl in there fighting for her life. We rejoiced, and praised God, and cried, and laughed...the OB warned us though, it was likely to happen again, and if by chance the baby did make it she was very likely to have complications..heart problems, birth defects, downs syndrome, mental retardation, etc..we werent out of the woods yet by far.
About a month later...same thing happens. Same exact thing. The doctors again say there is nothing they can do. Leave my daughter for dead. "IT" will pass in a couple days. Same routine at church, except Wednesday night service, same follow up appt....and God did it . Again. Miracles not once but twice. Against all odds.
There is a problem this time though. They could see her on the ultrasound, confirmed she was my daddy's girl...but there were white spots on her heart. Spots in her brain, too...and it looked like her head wasnt proportioned right. The OB said it looked like downs syndrome was likely, and defects in the formation of her heart. She said that this was very likely in "problem pregnancies " and that we needed to be prepared for the challenges of a lifetime raising a child that would likely never be able to take care of herself. We needed to prepare for having a child that couldnt function like other people did, and we wouldn't know until after birth, but the heart defects could be fatal. and lead to a very short life...from minutes to years, but we needed to be prepared either way.
At this point, we were close to 7 months along if memory serves, and we had an option to have 1 more ultrasound or not. We decided not...we were gonna pray and leave it in Gods hands, and prepare ourselves for a life with a challenged child. We couldnt even bring ourselves to think about losing Hannah...just prepared ourselves to raise a child with Downs, etc...
Baby time comes, and my wife has a scheduled C section...i am in the delivery room, i held my beautiful wifes hand the entire time...stood over her watching ehat they were doing, i started praying before they started, and prayed aloud until the moment i went to cut the cord. Probably 10 minutes, the dr who delivered Hannah said it was the 1st time anyone has prayed for the ENTIRE time he delivered a baby. I got a picture of my Hannah halfway out of my wife's belly, just from her waist up...amazing.
I cut the cord, and looked at her...not a spot on her. Not even discoloration or redness, no weird shaped head, nothing...she was perfect. Absolutely beautiful just like her mama. I walked over and handed her to my wife..she looked at me in amazement...and said. " shes perfect. Perfect." We cried and cried. Not a thing wrong with her. Nothing. No health problems, no challenges, nothing. She has only made 2 Bs since she has been in school, and shes finishing 5th grade now.
God did it. Over and over...God intervened in my wifes womb. I saw the ultrasound, twice, filled with blood. I saw the last one, where the OB showed us the spots on her heart and brain, the weird head. I saw it all. I also saw God work a miracle. Her picture hangs on the wall in her OBs office. A miracle, my little Hannah. Daddys miracle.