How to handle a crazy wife?

#76
#76
pismonque said:
Oh boy. I generally don't weigh in on this type of thing because nobody should ever take advice from me, but there's a glaring point I have to mention.

In all of the things you've said about your wife in these posts, there isn't much that reads like you see her as a life-size human being. You've said she's crazy, she's hot, she's suspicious, whatever, but it all seems oddly dismissive of your wife the person, as opposed to your wife the hot crazy thing.

I understand we're only getting a sliver of the whole picture and I really don't mean to throw stones at you at all, but from the few sentences you've offered I can totally get that you love your kid but I don't get that at all about your wife.

It just makes me wonder if she's picked up on the notion that your appreciation of her is somewhat superficial, especially now that she sees you with your kid and sees what it looks like when you truly love somebody. If so, she'd have to think that your commitment to her will only last until her hotness fades and, having had a baby not long ago, she's likely been feeling that it already has to some degree. It's not such a leap to get to her suspicions, unfounded though they may be.

Before you write her off, try getting to know her with your blinders on and ride that out a while. Then she'll know you're with her for who she is and not what she is.

Sorry if all that sounded preachy or insulting. But I wish all three of you good luck and happy times as a family.
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Good post.
 
#78
#78
Volsick said:
I have been married since June, and been with my wife for 2 years. We have a 1 Year old son together, and he is just awesome. My little man is the coolest, most amazing kid in the world. However, my wife on the other hand is insane. I just wanted to get some feedback from the fellow vols on this board. Am I alone and just married a crazy woman, or is this a unanimous thing across the board. She is constantly thinking I'm cheating on her, always nagging about something. For example. Me and my buddy were on the phone yesterday talking about fantasy football. Well my TE for this week was Travis Kelce. Well I have Antonio Gates on the bench and was talking about "Kelce" and debating if I should leave "Kelce" in or take the risk first week with Antonio Gates. Well, I get off of the phone a few minutes later and am just playing with my son in his room. I sit there as he is attempting to build a wall out of his toys, and my wife comes in there and says: "Who's Kelce?" I'm like, "My starting TE for fantasy." She just flips out. I mean flips the f*** out. She says I took him off of speakerphone and was talking about "Kelce". I mean come on! It is really starting to wear on me. I honestly haven't ever cheated on her, and I've been a good husband to the best of my ability, but it's like every day its something new. Kills me. She is crazy for the most part. I would say 85% of the time she is crazy. Need some advice! :loco:
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If you really want to work this out get into therapy now!!! I dealt with this same thing and finally told my EX, look if I could sleep with as many hit women as you think I am then why would I ever get married?

I've learned one thing about some women, they love you for the person you are and how they feel when they're around you but as soon as you get married, they want you to change. Hell my ex used to ask me in the winter (northeast USA) why I'm not playing golf anymore, then in the summer complain that I played golf every other week.

I hate to tell you though...you can't fix crazy!! Our marriage therapist showed my ex she was in the wrong and she took it out on me.
 
#79
#79
wildnkrazykat said:
There are plenty of similarities. Relationships are relationships whether In the board room, bedroom, or locker room. I felt like we were on the same side of the issue. I also don't think Vegas was implying that dude beat his wife either.
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The relationships I had with my coaches were nothing like what I have with my wife. Coach/athlete is not an equal partnership and neither is boss/employee. Thinking that way could be why so many are failing
 
#80
#80
there is a very simple fix for your problems

start working a lot of "Ahem" overtime


and get a sane girl friend :)
 
#81
#81
I've been with my wife for 5 years this January. However, yesterday was our 1 month wedding anniversary. I really believe in taking as much time as you both need to make sure it's the right fit. Also, when we started dating we were 21 and 22. Now we're 26 and 27. BIG difference. Now I didn't read through the 6 pages before me, so I don't know if anyone else gave it to you straight, but I will.

You're one of two things...Soft, and haven't learned how to deal with women. It's takes time to realize you can't go out to bars and pick up randoms, go get tattoos and buy guns without permission, or even eat dinner by yourself without calling her first. This is all part of the compromise. Be a man and learn how to deal with it.

The alternative is that she really is crazy. If this is the case, you're in for a loooooong ride. ESPECIALLY because there's a child involved. Divorce rate is extremely high, and someone asking for advice after 4 months is definitely going to be a statistic.

Now, you have a couple of options, even if she is nuts. Ride it out as long as you can and live your life however you'd like, hope she doesn't find out, and then you're a little closer to the kid being 18 and you'll dodge a few years of child support. Or....call it quits now, give her half of your things, and get your checkbook ready.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you guys?
 
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#83
#83
Hot Crazy Matrix - A Man's Guide to Women - YouTube

Hi, my name is Josh.
And I married/ impregnated a redhead.

With all due respect , you just have an emotional, over reactive wife.

These 3 things solved our relationship issues:
1. God , there are infinite answers in the bible.

2. Compromise, I had a drinking problem and my wife saw who I truly was beyond drinking. I saw how much she loved me and we came together and after I quit drinking she expected me of sneaking around to drink and had issues with us running into my exes everywhere. The third is associated with compromise :
3. Time. Spend more time together, go out of each other's way to eat lunch or see each other if it's only for 5 minutes.
Dates with the boy really helped us once our son was born , do away with social media , my exes kept commenting on my Facebook and Instagram post and I just deleted both and focused all my attention to my family.

Best of luck bro.
It's not over, it's not easy , and it's all worth it in the end.(as long as y'all stay together)

My wife and I dated for 7 yrs and now have been married 2 with a 2 yo boy.
 
#85
#85
What the hell kind of thread is this? OP, delete this before its discovered and you're assaulted with exquisitely hot metallic objects from the stove
 
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#86
#86
Volsick said:
I have been married since June, and been with my wife for 2 years. We have a 1 Year old son together, and he is just awesome. My little man is the coolest, most amazing kid in the world. However, my wife on the other hand is insane. I just wanted to get some feedback from the fellow vols on this board. Am I alone and just married a crazy woman, or is this a unanimous thing across the board. She is constantly thinking I'm cheating on her, always nagging about something. For example. Me and my buddy were on the phone yesterday talking about fantasy football. Well my TE for this week was Travis Kelce. Well I have Antonio Gates on the bench and was talking about "Kelce" and debating if I should leave "Kelce" in or take the risk first week with Antonio Gates. Well, I get off of the phone a few minutes later and am just playing with my son in his room. I sit there as he is attempting to build a wall out of his toys, and my wife comes in there and says: "Who's Kelce?" I'm like, "My starting TE for fantasy." She just flips out. I mean flips the f*** out. She says I took him off of speakerphone and was talking about "Kelce". I mean come on! It is really starting to wear on me. I honestly haven't ever cheated on her, and I've been a good husband to the best of my ability, but it's like every day its something new. Kills me. She is crazy for the most part. I would say 85% of the time she is crazy. Need some advice! :loco:
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You in fact do have a serious relationship problem. One of my ex gf's thought I was cheating on her when in fact cheating is not even in my vocabulary when it comes to relationships and it was completely unfounded. She absolutely does not trust you for whatever reason. Maybe she's been burned herself in the past, maybe she's a cheater, maybe she's just flat out paranoid, and she may very well be undiagnosed bipolar. The latter is well worth looking into and free.

Based on personal experience there is no reason to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust you even if you aren't doing anything wrong. It plays hell and stress on both people in the relationship. Neither one of you will really enjoy being together. It will ultimately be the downfall to it.
 
#88
#88
Volsick said:
She has been cheated on before. I think what wallyballs said about the princess complex is what she has going on. She has had her whole life handed to her. She was very spoiled and doesn't like to work. The major benefit that I have though is that she is pretty damn sexy. So, when it all boils down to it. According to the hot/crazy matrix I am sitting in a pretty good spot. Only sometimes she goes a little crazier than usual. Final benefit. When we make up. I am guaranteed to get some. As of right now, divorce is not an option, because I don't want to leave my son. Secondly, she is hot. So I'm just going to have to hope it gets better. I asked her about seeing a therapist for herself and she seems open to it. Maybe get her on some meds or something. Anyway. I really shouldn't have posted this here but I just needed somewhere to vent. So thanks so much VN for being there in a time of need. GBO
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You just described someone who hasn't been in real life yet, and it seems as if she doesn't like it now that she's in it. I can tell you from personal experiences and with others around me, that those types of women, while hot, are not real good marriage material early on in their lives. Now, with that being said, and the fact that you have a young child with her, you had better stop worrying about fantasy football, and start building a home. I'm not talking about one you pay for, I'm talking about relationship building. Once you have your foundation established, being able to hang with the guys and do things like fantasy football and play games is something that she will find more acceptable, and she will trust you. Trust is built over time, especially with these types of people/women, and can never be taken for granted. Your marriage is also a full-time job, and while you may be the bread winner of the household, you should always view everything as equal, because it is in a marriage. I, my, and mine are seldom part of a successful marriage, and that goes for her as well. If she's not seeing it as an equal partaking, then that's a problem that needs to be addressed too.

I'm sure that a lot more advice can be given, past what I wrote, but you need to understand that you are her husband, and you need to take care of her, just as she needs to take care of you, and not just giving you some in the morning. It's much deeper than that, and unless both of you are will to see that and work on that, then you may be both wasting your time. If you do go to counseling, be willing to be open to everything that is said, because its an extreme waste of time to think that its only her that has a problem here.

My two cents.
 
#89
#89
Just tell her that her craziness is all you can handle, let alone a second woman. Doesn't go over well the first 50 times. But persistence pays off
 
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#90
#90
Volsick said:
She has been cheated on before. I think what wallyballs said about the princess complex is what she has going on. She has had her whole life handed to her. She was very spoiled and doesn't like to work. The major benefit that I have though is that she is pretty damn sexy. So, when it all boils down to it. According to the hot/crazy matrix I am sitting in a pretty good spot. Only sometimes she goes a little crazier than usual. Final benefit. When we make up. I am guaranteed to get some. As of right now, divorce is not an option, because I don't want to leave my son. Secondly, she is hot. So I'm just going to have to hope it gets better. I asked her about seeing a therapist for herself and she seems open to it. Maybe get her on some meds or something. Anyway. I really shouldn't have posted this here but I just needed somewhere to vent. So thanks so much VN for being there in a time of need. GBO
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You keep bringing up her looks. If that's what motivated you to marry her (and obviously motivates you now) you're in it for the wrong reasons. You may need to reassess yourself before working on her.
 
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#91
#91
Yankee_Vol said:
You keep bringing up her looks. If that's what motivated you to marry her (and obviously motivates you now) you're in it for the wrong reasons. You may need to reassess yourself before working on her.
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Who knew yank had a soft side :)
 
#92
#92
Volsick said:
I have been married since June, and been with my wife for 2 years. We have a 1 Year old son together, and he is just awesome. My little man is the coolest, most amazing kid in the world. However, my wife on the other hand is insane. I just wanted to get some feedback from the fellow vols on this board. Am I alone and just married a crazy woman, or is this a unanimous thing across the board. She is constantly thinking I'm cheating on her, always nagging about something. For example. Me and my buddy were on the phone yesterday talking about fantasy football. Well my TE for this week was Travis Kelce. Well I have Antonio Gates on the bench and was talking about "Kelce" and debating if I should leave "Kelce" in or take the risk first week with Antonio Gates. Well, I get off of the phone a few minutes later and am just playing with my son in his room. I sit there as he is attempting to build a wall out of his toys, and my wife comes in there and says: "Who's Kelce?" I'm like, "My starting TE for fantasy." She just flips out. I mean flips the f*** out. She says I took him off of speakerphone and was talking about "Kelce". I mean come on! It is really starting to wear on me. I honestly haven't ever cheated on her, and I've been a good husband to the best of my ability, but it's like every day its something new. Kills me. She is crazy for the most part. I would say 85% of the time she is crazy. Need some advice! :loco:
Click to expand...

There's always two sides to every story. If you are still hanging out with your buds like you were before you got married, that could be an issue. I don't know if you are or not, but if she knows what you were prone to get into with your friends when you were single, she might feel threatened by them and what they may influence you to do. If you aren't and you are devoting most of your time to her and your child, it must go deeper. Maybe she has been cheated on before? Maybe you are neglecting her. Some spouses are cool with a man hanging out with his friends and some aren't. That's just women. Some don't mind and some expect you to forgo that stuff and devote all your free time to them. Relax...in 20 years she will decide nobody would want you anymore and leave you alone.

And before you decide to go all VN on her, remember- the buyout is pretty steep on this deal.
 
#94
#94
I had a crazy ex-girlfriend once. Turned out she was bi-polar and off her meds.
 
#95
#95
Frist go together to see your preacher. Let her know how serious this is to you. you need counseling
Lord I hope you got a preacher and go to church with that youngin.
 
#96
#96
Yeah I agree with the counseling and it might take a couple different ones before you find the right one(counselor that is), but it would sure beat 17 years of paying her child support and a divorce.
 
#97
#97
volmanbill said:
I had a crazy ex-girlfriend once. Turned out she was bi-polar and off her meds.
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Hardest type of person to date. Had an ex that was bi polar but she didn't start getting the symptoms til about a year into it. Apparently girls sometimes don't start showing signs until the 20+ age.
 
#98
#98
Xanax. :)


Is she used to working? Maybe before the baby?
Could be she has a loss of self worth. She feels she not contributing to the family. Not to mention, all those daytime tv shows. (Dr Phil, etc )

I wish you the best of luck OP.
 
#99
#99
Sounds like my ex wife. As far as looks were concerned I out kicked my coverage with her yet she constantly thought I was trying to cheat on her. She ended up being the cheater in the end. Best thing that ever happened to me honestly. However there were no kids in my situation. Not saying that's your situation OP. Hope it works out for you in the end.
 
#100
#100
VolAllen said:
I've been with my wife for 5 years this January. However, yesterday was our 1 month wedding anniversary. I really believe in taking as much time as you both need to make sure it's the right fit. Also, when we started dating we were 21 and 22. Now we're 26 and 27. BIG difference. Now I didn't read through the 6 pages before me, so I don't know if anyone else gave it to you straight, but I will.

You're one of two things...Soft, and haven't learned how to deal with women. It's takes time to realize you can't go out to bars and pick up randoms, go get tattoos and buy guns without permission, or even eat dinner by yourself without calling her first. This is all part of the compromise. Be a man and learn how to deal with it.

The alternative is that she really is crazy. If this is the case, you're in for a loooooong ride. ESPECIALLY because there's a child involved. Divorce rate is extremely high, and someone asking for advice after 4 months is definitely going to be a statistic.

Now, you have a couple of options, even if she is nuts. Ride it out as long as you can and live your life however you'd like, hope she doesn't find out, and then you're a little closer to the kid being 18 and you'll dodge a few years of child support. Or....call it quits now, give her half of your things, and get your checkbook ready.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you guys?
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its definitely this black and white man 😁.

My best suggestion having been through some things. Call a licensed marriage and family therapist. They will require to interview you both, however, see some one yourself. if your marriage is worth anything to you, and you love her. then you owe it to yourself, baby, and wife to work on it.

Trust me. Those that say that their marriage is easy bc theyre best friends, etc. are full of ****. its a work in progress. great when its great and tough when its tough. listen my wife is very headstrong, i mean. on another level. i love hearing young bucks say 'you gotta show your wife her place' or something of that ilk. Well, no woman of their right mind will put up with that ****, hot or not. Ya gotta be honest with her and communicate how you feel so that you two can grow together. i know it sounds like Dr Phil **** but its just common sense. Everyone is fallible. Sometimes the only way to affect change is from within, just remember that.

Just do what you feel is right. After all, youre supposed to love your wife more than yourq baby 😎 that way the baby can grow up seeing how mommy and daddys love and care for each other in a caring, nurturing relationship.
 
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