How to handle a crazy wife?

#26
#26
If she's accusing you of cheating, it's probably because she's been hurt by a cheater in the past and she's been forced to become vigilant. I would talk with her and ask her why she thinks you're cheating. It's possible that you can assuage her fears.
 
#27
#27
I married one with one hell of a princess complex that won't go away. We've gotten the money/being spoiled aspect generally sorted out except for the occasional bumps everyone has, but now its that is isn't willing to work at a lot of things.

Examples: She'll sit on the couch and play on pinterest when she says she's going to clean up. I'll be working on the yard or cleaning the basement for several hours, only to find she's only played on her Ipad or watched TLC shows.

The more important one involves health. Her doctor told her she needs to lose about 60-75lbs to greatly increase our odds of having kids due to a health issue she has. She'll try something for a 2 weeks, maybe 3, then quit. I've joined things with her, and she's tried things solo or with her friends. She knows what she needs to do, but any little bump in the road causes her to quit. She won't push herself at all. I'm as supportive as any guy can be, even she says that, (and God knows I don't dare touch the weight issue), but we're going on 2 years of this now.

Its starting to wear on me and the marriage. We'll talk about it, and I'll get the standard "I know, we'll try to do better..." over and over again.

Anybody know how to handle that?
 
#28
#28
WallyBalls said:
I married one with one hell of a princess complex that won't go away. We've gotten the money/being spoiled aspect generally sorted out except for the occasional bumps everyone has, but now its that is isn't willing to work at a lot of things.

Examples: She'll sit on the couch and play on pinterest when she says she's going to clean up. I'll be working on the yard or cleaning the basement for several hours, only to find she's only played on her Ipad or watched TLC shows.

The more important one involves health. Her doctor told her she needs to lose about 60-75lbs to greatly increase our odds of having kids due to a health issue she has. She'll try something for a 2 weeks, maybe 3, then quit. I've joined things with her, and she's tried things solo or with her friends. She knows what she needs to do, but any little bump in the road causes her to quit. She won't push herself at all. I'm as supportive as any guy can be, even she says that, (and God knows I don't dare touch the weight issue), but we're going on 2 years of this now.

Its starting to wear on me and the marriage. We'll talk about it, and I'll get the standard "I know, we'll try to do better..." over and over again.

Anybody know how to handle that?
Click to expand...

Therapist
 
#29
#29
But honestly, Wally, sounds like she becomes overwhelmed and needs things to be chunked Into smaller tasks.
 
#30
#30
She has been cheated on before. I think what wallyballs said about the princess complex is what she has going on. She has had her whole life handed to her. She was very spoiled and doesn't like to work. The major benefit that I have though is that she is pretty damn sexy. So, when it all boils down to it. According to the hot/crazy matrix I am sitting in a pretty good spot. Only sometimes she goes a little crazier than usual. Final benefit. When we make up. I am guaranteed to get some. As of right now, divorce is not an option, because I don't want to leave my son. Secondly, she is hot. So I'm just going to have to hope it gets better. I asked her about seeing a therapist for herself and she seems open to it. Maybe get her on some meds or something. Anyway. I really shouldn't have posted this here but I just needed somewhere to vent. So thanks so much VN for being there in a time of need. GBO
 
#32
#32
Volsick said:
She has been cheated on before. I think what wallyballs said about the princess complex is what she has going on. She has had her whole life handed to her. She was very spoiled and doesn't like to work. The major benefit that I have though is that she is pretty damn sexy. So, when it all boils down to it. According to the hot/crazy matrix I am sitting in a pretty good spot. Only sometimes she goes a little crazier than usual. Final benefit. When we make up. I am guaranteed to get some. As of right now, divorce is not an option, because I don't want to leave my son. Secondly, she is hot. So I'm just going to have to hope it gets better. I asked her about seeing a therapist for herself and she seems open to it. Maybe get her on some meds or something. Anyway. I really shouldn't have posted this here but I just needed somewhere to vent. So thanks so much VN for being there in a time of need. GBO
Click to expand...

Imo you can handle this without a therapist or drugs. Just talk with her. She needs to be reassured that, unlike in her past, you are committed to her and only her.
 
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#33
#33
You have a one year old and find time to play and talk with your buds about fantasy football.....How much time do you spend really talking with your wife?

Marriage is a covenant between you and your wife....not you and your children, nor between you and your buds....

Marriage truly is a DEATH-- a death to control over your own single life in favor of the UNION between you and your wife. As the husband--it's your assignment to love your wife above any and all else.

I've been married to my high school sweetheart since 1988--and we've been together since 1982...and it still takes WORK to have a joyful and pleasing marriage. Marriage ain't for girly men....

And I pray over my wife EVERY day before we part company to take care of the business of each day.

No one truly gets "paranoid" or distrustful overnight. But--to borrow from the movie "Remember the Titans"----attitude reflects leadership--CAPTAIN...

As the Captain of your marriage--make a true and consistent effort to put her FIRST in the time you have at home....FIRST above your child....FIRST before you spend 1 second thinking about fantasy FB...

and--as others have said on here--spend the time to actually TALK with her about what matters to her....She needs SECURITY and COMFORT from you...and that only comes from spending T--I--M--E together in meaningful communication with her.

SORRY if this sounds a little preachy....I don't mean it that way--but I do MEAN every word that I've said. And, if you're a Christian--ask for Jesus to help you--HE WILL!
 
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#34
#34
MikeVol44 said:
You have a one year old and find time to play and talk with your buds about fantasy football.....How much time do you spend really talking with your wife?

Marriage is a covenant between you and your wife....not you and your children, nor between you and your buds....

Marriage truly is a DEATH-- a death to control over your own single life in favor of the UNION between you and your wife. As the husband--it's your assignment to love your wife above any and all else.

I've been married to my high school sweetheart since 1988--and we've been together since 1982...and it still takes WORK to have a joyful and pleasing marriage. Marriage ain't for girly men....

And I pray over my wife EVERY day before we part company to take care of the business of each day.

No one truly gets "paranoid" or distrustful overnight. But--to borrow from the movie "Remember the Titans"----attitude reflects leadership--CAPTAIN...

As the Captain of your marriage--make a true and consistent effort to put her FIRST in the time you have at home....FIRST above your child....FIRST before you spend 1 second thinking about fantasy FB...

and--as others have said on here--spend the time to actually TALK with her about what matters to her....She needs SECURITY and COMFORT from you...and that only comes from spending T--I--M--E together in meaningful communication with her.

SORRY if this sounds a little preachy....I don't mean it that way--but I do MEAN every word that I've said. And, if you're a Christian--ask for Jesus to help you--HE WILL!
Click to expand...

Idk them, obviously, but I get the feeling that she feels neglected, too. And you can't blame her for a "princess" complex cause you know it didn't just show up on the honeymoon.
 
#35
#35
Volsick said:
I have been married since June, and been with my wife for 2 years. We have a 1 Year old son together, and he is just awesome. My little man is the coolest, most amazing kid in the world. However, my wife on the other hand is insane. I just wanted to get some feedback from the fellow vols on this board. Am I alone and just married a crazy woman, or is this a unanimous thing across the board. She is constantly thinking I'm cheating on her, always nagging about something. For example. Me and my buddy were on the phone yesterday talking about fantasy football. Well my TE for this week was Travis Kelce. Well I have Antonio Gates on the bench and was talking about "Kelce" and debating if I should leave "Kelce" in or take the risk first week with Antonio Gates. Well, I get off of the phone a few minutes later and am just playing with my son in his room. I sit there as he is attempting to build a wall out of his toys, and my wife comes in there and says: "Who's Kelce?" I'm like, "My starting TE for fantasy." She just flips out. I mean flips the f*** out. She says I took him off of speakerphone and was talking about "Kelce". I mean come on! It is really starting to wear on me. I honestly haven't ever cheated on her, and I've been a good husband to the best of my ability, but it's like every day its something new. Kills me. She is crazy for the most part. I would say 85% of the time she is crazy. Need some advice! :loco:
Click to expand...

I think the best tactic is to show little to no reaction. When my wife gets pissed over nothing, I just stay calm and let her be mad and don't really respond. She can think whatever she wants, but you know what the truth is. Just calmly reassure her that you are a good guy and then remove yourself from the situation until she calms.

My wife is pretty cool, but she has random emotional bouts sometimes, and when I respond this way it just makes her feel dumb (after she calms down) and it has improved things a lot.

Our first couple of months were a little rough, too, so keep that in mind. I have a great marriage now, but 3 months in I was not so amped about it.

Has your wife switched birth control medication recently? That's what created more conflict than anything, for us. We just completely took her off.
 
#36
#36
Volsick said:
She has been cheated on before. I think what wallyballs said about the princess complex is what she has going on. She has had her whole life handed to her. She was very spoiled and doesn't like to work. The major benefit that I have though is that she is pretty damn sexy. So, when it all boils down to it. According to the hot/crazy matrix I am sitting in a pretty good spot. Only sometimes she goes a little crazier than usual. Final benefit. When we make up. I am guaranteed to get some. As of right now, divorce is not an option, because I don't want to leave my son. Secondly, she is hot. So I'm just going to have to hope it gets better. I asked her about seeing a therapist for herself and she seems open to it. Maybe get her on some meds or something. Anyway. I really shouldn't have posted this here but I just needed somewhere to vent. So thanks so much VN for being there in a time of need. GBO
Click to expand...

You are sitting THE spot chief. Because of the child, you are tied to her for life whether you are married or divorced. Therapy is fine, but if you are the earner and the daddy own that sh**. A super hot woman responds to dominance. I'm not talking being some possessive, abusive animal. Stake your territory and own it without pause or apology.

The next freak out session alleging you are cheating try this: I'm not cheating on you. You are the hottest woman I know and I love you. But do not ever, EVER go psycho like that again in the presence of our child or you will regret it. Good luck. God know you're gonna need it.

She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.

— Proverbs 7:11
 
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#37
#37
Also, just fair warning, but in my experience the people that are most worried about getting cheated on (without good reason) are cheaters themselves.
 
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#38
#38
Vegas_Ferguson said:
You are sitting THE spot chief. Because of the child, you are tied to her for life whether you are married or divorced. Therapy is fine, but if you are the earner and the daddy own that sh**. A super hot woman responds to dominance. I'm not talking being some possessive, abusive animal. Stake your territory and own it without pause or apology.

The next freak out session alleging you are cheating try this: I'm not cheating on you. You are the hottest woman I know and I love you. But do not ever, EVER go psycho like that again in the presence of our child or you will regret it. Good luck. God know you're gonna need it.

She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.

— Proverbs 7:11
Click to expand...

Thanks for this. Great advice!
 
#39
#39
Vegas_Ferguson said:
You are sitting THE spot chief. Because of the child, you are tied to her for life whether you are married or divorced. Therapy is fine, but if you are the earner and the daddy own that sh**. A super hot woman responds to dominance. I'm not talking being some possessive, abusive animal. Stake your territory and own it without pause or apology.

The next freak out session alleging you are cheating try this: I'm not cheating on you. You are the hottest woman I know and I love you. But do not ever, EVER go psycho like that again in the presence of our child or you will regret it. Good luck. God know you're gonna need it.

She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.

— Proverbs 7:11
Click to expand...

You're at least partially right.
 
#40
#40
Sounds to me like she feels you are neglecting her. If you love her and want your marrigae to work don't spend as much time on games, help her do the housework, get a sitter a couple of time per month, take her on a date. Make her feel like she is the love of your life, not with words but with actions. Treat her as if she were a queen. Surprise her with a weekend getaway, cook her dinner occasionally. It is the little things that make a marriage work. Make yourself do the little things.

Marriage is not always easy but if you love your wife if is well worth it. Granny gets on my nerves go bad at times that I would like to walk away yet I wouldn't trade her for any woman on earth.

Good luck and may you two have a long happy life.

Now to be serious, get over it, women are nuts, learn to live with it. You can not do any better than you are now, be happy you found a woman to put up with your bs. :crazy:
 
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#46
#46
You might want to think long and hard about punting, man.

Sit down with her and calmly explain your concerns, don't escalate things, and if she chooses to, walk away. It's important to let her know your point of view, so lay it out there and put the ball in her court.

Just remember, if things get out of hand, you're the one going to jail regardless of what happens, so if you feel it getting out of hand just pop smoke for a few hours.

Good luck, wish you the best.
 
#47
#47
MikeVol44 said:
You have a one year old and find time to play and talk with your buds about fantasy football.....How much time do you spend really talking with your wife?

Marriage is a covenant between you and your wife....not you and your children, nor between you and your buds....

Marriage truly is a DEATH-- a death to control over your own single life in favor of the UNION between you and your wife. As the husband--it's your assignment to love your wife above any and all else.

I've been married to my high school sweetheart since 1988--and we've been together since 1982...and it still takes WORK to have a joyful and pleasing marriage. Marriage ain't for girly men....

And I pray over my wife EVERY day before we part company to take care of the business of each day.

No one truly gets "paranoid" or distrustful overnight. But--to borrow from the movie "Remember the Titans"----attitude reflects leadership--CAPTAIN...

As the Captain of your marriage--make a true and consistent effort to put her FIRST in the time you have at home....FIRST above your child....FIRST before you spend 1 second thinking about fantasy FB...

and--as others have said on here--spend the time to actually TALK with her about what matters to her....She needs SECURITY and COMFORT from you...and that only comes from spending T--I--M--E together in meaningful communication with her.

SORRY if this sounds a little preachy....I don't mean it that way--but I do MEAN every word that I've said. And, if you're a Christian--ask for Jesus to help you--HE WILL!
Click to expand...
So being married with a kid eliminates the possibility of having a social life eh?
 
#50
#50
Vegas_Ferguson said:
Honestly, Gramps rates as better.



I don't know about the word "dunno".

Dwight.
Click to expand...

Guess I'm not "a super hot woman," cause I don't respond to your bullish tendencies quite as well as you'd prefer. You gave him atrocious advice. Calling your wife psycho and threatening her is basically the exact opposite of good advice.
 
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