Sorry I Haven't Updated Sooner

[dduncan4163]

Hey Nation sorry I haven't updated in a bit.. We've just been processing these last 6 weeks and I guess I've just reached the point were I'm ready to accept reality. She had another Pulmonary Edema and nearly died. Vanderbilt told us that she was in heart failure. Basically her heart can't hold up to the Methotrexate anymore. Without the Methotrexate she can never get another remission. There are certain pills that can keep it at bay and she can still take Vincristine but her window is 3 to 6 months with an outside chance for up to a year. So the clock is winding down. She's been put in Palliative care and the goal now is to make whatever time she has left as comfortable as possible. She can't keep weight on anymore and physically she's really beginning to break down. She's literally half the size she was when she first got sick.

I'm going to loose her I accept that but it ain't easy. Her pain is almost non stop now but she said she's still not ready for the heavy stuff quite yet. She wants to be aware and coherent for as long as she can and I can respect that but damn it rips my guts out when she she draws up in agony. It isn't all the time but it's starting to happen a little more everyday. I'm so tired of watching her suffer and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.

Anyway I don't want to drag on. I just wanted to update yall on everything. I'm going to start posting again because I'm no good to anyone when I withdraw away from the world. It's always been my instinct when I get stressed but it ain't healthy for me or fair to my kids and yall when I go into flight mode. I need this board for my mental health. This place is a part of me and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Yall or more than people of the internet to me. Yall have become an extension of my family over the years.

I'm going to try to get back into the groove of things again. Love you all and thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. They mean the world to us

GBO

 

[1972 Grad]

I have no idea what to say other than you have friends here, and we share your sorrow, and pray for the best .

 

[dduncan4163]

I have no idea what to say other than you have friends here, and we share your sorrow, and pray for the best .

Thank you 72. Your words help me more than you'll ever know.

 

[UT_VOLS13]

Sorry for what you are going through. I know you do not want to see your loved one suffer in any way. My family and I will pray for you and your loved one.

 

[vollygirl]

I'm lost for words right now. Duncan your family continues to be in our prayers. Praying for comfort and peace for all of you.

 

[hmanvolfan]

So sad to hear this. May Jesus hold you and your family in his arms and comfort you with his promise of everlasting life.

 

[volwindy]

That was a really hard update to read. I thought she had turned a corner on the last update I recall reading. So sorry that your wife, you, and the kids are having to go through this. Try to enjoy what you can while she is still here.

 

[davethevol]

I’m so sorry, Duncan. I truly believe as I know you do that this life is just a phase, that there is life beyond this in Heaven. I heard a sermon recently where the preacher talked about losing his mother to cancer. He said when someone mentioned that they were sorry she lost the battle, he responded that she didn’t lose, that in fact she won by defeating death to live with the Lord. I pray that God comforts you, your wife, and your children in this sad time.

 

[YankeeVol]

So sorry to hear.

 

[tennvols77]

So sorry, worst part of life losing loved ones.

 

[OldandStillaVol]

I am very sorry to read this. I pray for comfort for you and your family. Most of us have never met you but you have a family here also.

 

[pismonque]

Breaks my heart to read that dd but we will keep you, her and your kids in our thoughts all the time.

 

[joevol33]

You know we love you man, and you know how to reach me if you need to. We're praying for you all, and literally heart broke for you. Please tell her that there are people here that she's never met that loves her, and have thought about her. Enjoy every second brother.

 

[McDad]

Hoss, prayers my brother. Stay strong for the family.

 

[Matt2496]

Sorry to hear this Duncan! Sending prayers for you and your family right now.

 

[InVOLuntary]

Hey Nation sorry I haven't updated in a bit.. We've just been processing these last 6 weeks and I guess I've just reached the point were I'm ready to accept reality. She had another Pulmonary Edema and nearly died. Vanderbilt told us that she was in heart failure. Basically her heart can't hold up to the Methotrexate anymore. Without the Methotrexate she can never get another remission. There are certain pills that can keep it at bay and she can still take Vincristine but her window is 3 to 6 months with an outside chance for up to a year. So the clock is winding down. She's been put in Palliative care and the goal now is to make whatever time she has left as comfortable as possible. She can't keep weight on anymore and physically she's really beginning to break down. She's literally half the size she was when she first got sick.

I'm going to loose her I accept that but it ain't easy. Her pain is almost non stop now but she said she's still not ready for the heavy stuff quite yet. She wants to be aware and coherent for as long as she can and I can respect that but damn it rips my guts out when she she draws up in agony. It isn't all the time but it's starting to happen a little more everyday. I'm so tired of watching her suffer and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.

Anyway I don't want to drag on. I just wanted to update yall on everything. I'm going to start posting again because I'm no good to anyone when I withdraw away from the world. It's always been my instinct when I get stressed but it ain't healthy for me or fair to my kids and yall when I go into flight mode. I need this board for my mental health. This place is a part of me and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Yall or more than people of the internet to me. Yall have become an extension of my family over the years.

I'm going to try to get back into the groove of things again. Love you all and thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. They mean the world to us

GBO

Life truly sucks sometimes. Keep strong. My prayer is for God to comfort your wife, you, your children, and all your family.

 

[NorCalVol67]

So sorry to hear this Duncan. I have been thinking about you and hoping when you returned for an update the news would be different. As others have said, words are difficult, but know that you have a lot of friends here.

 

[Hoosier_Vol]

Like others I'm at a loss for words. My family will continue to pray for yours! We are here as a VN family whenever you need to talk brother!

 

[MyBloodRunnethOrange]

Duncan, I'm at a loss for words. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. Just know that you are in my prayers my friend.

 

[kiddiedoc]

Man, I'm so sorry to hear the news. The only consolation I can offer is the truth that we can safely rest in the security of our salvation through faith in Jesus. I pray that God would let comfort and peace and mercy fall on you all during this difficult season.

 

[tnuhcvols]

So sorry. Friends abound here, this place is your shelter, and refuge. All of Volnation will be there when you need them most.

 

[Dustin4Vols]

Prayers and praying hard

 

[dduncan4163]

Thank you all for the kind words. It actually took me a while to go through them. I chocked up more times than I care to admit.

I know I have no way of being prepared for the moment it happens but I have finally learned to accept that it will happen and most likely soon. She had a really good day yesterday. Pain free and she was even abl to go with me to Walmart. We're preparing and most of all enjoying everyday we have left together. Hopefully we get another good day today.

Once again thank you. The love and support you all give helps in ways you'll never know

Love you all

 

[dduncan4163]

You know we love you man, and you know how to reach me if you need to. We're praying for you all, and literally heart broke for you. Please tell her that there are people here that she's never met that loves her, and have thought about her. Enjoy every second brother.

Hows your wife doing brother? You have my number anytime you want to talk. Hell I know I kept you on there a while but I just had a blast talking to you like I knew I would lol.Y
Love ya Hoss

 

[Gandalf]

I cannot begin to express the ache I have for your situation Duncan nor have any words of comfort equal to this terrible time for you, your wife and your family. I do know that we must all face that same road some day, whether we see the end of it close by or imagine that it is still far away. Probably none of us are as well prepared for it as we might thing but for those of us who know where our true home is, the song I hear is;

Farewell, vain world! I'm going home!
My savior smiles and bids me come
And I don't care to stay here long!
Sweet angels beckon me away
To sing God's praise in endless day
And I don't care to stay here long!

(Chorus)
Right up yonder, Christians, away up yonder
O, yes my Lord, for I don't care to stay here long

I'm glad that I am born to die
From grief and woe my soul shall fly
And I don't care to stay here long!
Bright angels shall convey me home
Away to New Jerusalem
And I don't care to stay here long!

(Chorus)
Right up yonder, Christians, away up yonder
O, yes my Lord, for I don't care to stay here long

(Chorus)
Right up yonder, Christians, away up yonder
O, yes my Lord, for I don't care to stay here long