dduncan4163
Have at it Hoss
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2006
- Messages
- 21,471
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Hey Nation sorry I haven't updated in a bit.. We've just been processing these last 6 weeks and I guess I've just reached the point were I'm ready to accept reality. She had another Pulmonary Edema and nearly died. Vanderbilt told us that she was in heart failure. Basically her heart can't hold up to the Methotrexate anymore. Without the Methotrexate she can never get another remission. There are certain pills that can keep it at bay and she can still take Vincristine but her window is 3 to 6 months with an outside chance for up to a year. So the clock is winding down. She's been put in Palliative care and the goal now is to make whatever time she has left as comfortable as possible. She can't keep weight on anymore and physically she's really beginning to break down. She's literally half the size she was when she first got sick.
I'm going to loose her I accept that but it ain't easy. Her pain is almost non stop now but she said she's still not ready for the heavy stuff quite yet. She wants to be aware and coherent for as long as she can and I can respect that but damn it rips my guts out when she she draws up in agony. It isn't all the time but it's starting to happen a little more everyday. I'm so tired of watching her suffer and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.
Anyway I don't want to drag on. I just wanted to update yall on everything. I'm going to start posting again because I'm no good to anyone when I withdraw away from the world. It's always been my instinct when I get stressed but it ain't healthy for me or fair to my kids and yall when I go into flight mode. I need this board for my mental health. This place is a part of me and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Yall or more than people of the internet to me. Yall have become an extension of my family over the years.
I'm going to try to get back into the groove of things again. Love you all and thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. They mean the world to us
GBO
I'm going to loose her I accept that but it ain't easy. Her pain is almost non stop now but she said she's still not ready for the heavy stuff quite yet. She wants to be aware and coherent for as long as she can and I can respect that but damn it rips my guts out when she she draws up in agony. It isn't all the time but it's starting to happen a little more everyday. I'm so tired of watching her suffer and not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.
Anyway I don't want to drag on. I just wanted to update yall on everything. I'm going to start posting again because I'm no good to anyone when I withdraw away from the world. It's always been my instinct when I get stressed but it ain't healthy for me or fair to my kids and yall when I go into flight mode. I need this board for my mental health. This place is a part of me and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Yall or more than people of the internet to me. Yall have become an extension of my family over the years.
I'm going to try to get back into the groove of things again. Love you all and thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support. They mean the world to us
GBO