Post Your Resume for DC

[FLVOL_79]

I won't break the bank when I get fired mid season. My salary just needs to be enough to cover the base cost of my new Ferrari 812 GTS. I should be able to "fail up" through the college ranks afterwards to score a Ferrari SF 90 Stradale and a Aston Martin DBS Superleggera and an armada of jet skis.

 

[Mightyvol]

DC? Isn’t that a female procedure? If it isn’t, I know nothing about it but I want to make big money fast so I am willing to be qualified. How much it pay?

 

[Mose Phillip's Watch]

Never lost

 

[buckfama]

Do ya'll remember the time buckfama showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?

'Nuff said....

 

[Vol Main]

Why post a resume' for DC if the AD is not hiring?

 

[ftsandersvol]

I coached 9-10 year old girls softball last year. I'm ready.

Now that is hilarious.

 

[peaygolf]

 

[Buddr]

Learned from the best...

 

[UTP69]

I suck. Yes, I can start Monday.

 

[99gator]

You know how when some guys get fired, they take consultant jobs and get coffee for Nick Saban.

I became a consultant for Sal Sunseri. I also have been educated on the history of Tennessee Defense.

#3rdandchavis, #playingdwith15, #3rddownforwhat, #nosafetydeepwith10secondstoplay, #whatsaslant

Qualified

 

[ftsandersvol]

Sorry, but I’m going to have take my name out of the hat. Just got an offer from Tampa Bay to become their QB coach.

 

[vavolfan6]

Here's mine

• I'm a really bad cheater, so I don't even try.
• I won't line up our defensive players 5 yards away from the line of scrimmage
• I will notice a team is repeatedley throwing the slant on us by about the 3rd or 4th time.

 

[chrismc1000]

When growing up and playing football we had to run bleachers a lot during the texas southern heat. Needless to say we didn't **** up too much after that. I'd use that, so for every point my defense gives up they run bleachers. If it two points they run it twice. That's all the way up to nose bleeds and all the way down starting at the south end and ending at the south end. If we messed up during practice my coaches made us run on every line snaking our way from end zone to end zone. If my players mess up during practice they will do that. If nothing else my defense will eventually have shut outs just for the simple fact they can out last everyone.

 

[VolBallGuy]

1. Not a Bammer
2. Didnt get my a$$ kicked trying to whip Mark Richts a$$.
3. Havent had a co-ed sidepiece since college.
4. Will work like heck.

 

[HalfullVol]

Had to make some updates for this one:

* Played football from little league through high school
* My wife has told me if we ever had a child their first words would either be “wrap up” or “set the edge” which shows my recognition that our defenses generally don’t do either
* can usually spot a bad announcer within a play or two
* Have held records on virtually every college football video game going back to Tecmo Bowl
* I don’t have a motorcycle or a mistress so no concerns there
** In full disclosure - I’m really just throwing my name in the ring for DC to get a raise in my current job

not enough experience for the job but

damn funny

 

[Fightmaker]

-I always land the top recruiting class on NCAA 2008, which I still play a full season a week.
-As a linebacker, I once faced off with Little Man Stewart, although I literally got snot knocked out the ear hole of my helmet.
-I never, ever think things through when calling a play, or making pretty much any kind of decision. The defense would be totally unpredictable.
-Slight drinking problem makes me irritable and unmotivated in the mornings. I would make them all run until I am able to focus.

 

[65YearsAVol]

Handles adversity - Married for over 40 years to a woman whose meaner'n hell.
Calm under pressure - I have a daughter.
Excellent communication skills - have hearing loss and tinnitus, so speak really loudly.
Very athletic - have experience with athletes foot and jock itch.

 

[gog1]

If you can hold a clipboard and make fog on a mirror, you qualify..........

 

[kbear01]

3-time National Champion in EA Sports NCAA Football, using a punishing run game, throwing the ball down the field, and an unrelenting blitzing defense.

 

[ENGRVOL]

1. Will study what Sal Sunseri did and do the opposite.
2. Also do the opposite of what Chavis called on 3rd and long.
3. Will hire Al Wilson for whatever position he wants including dc
4. Fairly certain that I can count correctly to 11 on goal line situations against LSU as I completed kindergarten.

 

[i2amavol]

- Really good at snap and clear. Played backyard tackle football without helmets. So, very short memory span.
- Played DL on a real team as 12 year-old. Very undersized, but made sack late in 4th quarter to help save a 2-0 victory in last game of season over undefeated rival.
- Played WR from age 6. Was trained by High School backup QB. So, seldom drop a touched ball.
- Don't watch Pro football any more. So, plenty of time to be DC.
- Expect top dollar to take on the job, and must be enough to be able to afford trout license in addition to the regular hunting/fishing combo - with gas money left over.

 

[terrypedigo]

I won't get caught giving out money in bags, i will just throw it down on the ground in front of them and say look someone just lost that, my back is hurting i cant bent over to pick it up and walk of.

 

[orange_glory]

My resume is simple, 100% performance driven, and guaranteed:

Give me a base salary of one million ($1,000,000.00) dollars then deduct one thousand ($1,000.00) dollars for every point the opposing team scores against my defense over the course of a season.....then write me a check for the difference.

If my defense gives up more points than in a million dollars, I will pay the difference!

Whew that's high stakes gambling right there. Not based on your coaching ability but based on recent defensive performances.

 

[orange_glory]

I would literally put liquid laxative in opposing coaches Gatorade on each and every game day if I was hired as DC.

 

[orange_glory]