New Game

#276
#276
"Mattered," Jim Bob said, and kind've bulled his head down.

"No, really, it wasn't like she was anybody," Cletus laughed, looking around for help.

"Mattered," Jim Bob said.

"C'mon," Cletus tried, "I mean, she wasn't exactly a virgin and anyway, boys will be boys, right?"

"Mattered," Jim Bob repeated, pulling an old fashioned sap out of his waistband and slapping it softly against his leg.

"Something you boys got to learn," Jim Bob said, giving the sap a final slap, "is that equal rights doesn't mean you're freer to beat on women, it means folks like me are freer to kick your ass- functionally speakin'".


 
#277
#277
"Speaking of large lizards in heat," Daniel shouted right before he staggered into the card-table and passed out.

Jenny couldn't help but crack up. Daniel was cute, but, damn.

Unless something changed big-time in the next few minutes, she wasn't getting laid tonight.

 
#278
#278
"Tonight", as it turned out in the long run, wasn't so much a late-60s 1-hit-wonder band as something, 20 years later, a bunch of middle-aged guys would be able to talk about to prove that once they were cool.

 
#280
#280
"Tourneys? Tourneys are for cry babies. If you want a real champion, you should let a bunch of people that think they know about the sport vote on the champion at the end of the season. And to boot, just so there won't be any belly aching about the partialness of the voters, you should have formula decide whether or not the voters are right or not. that way there will be no dispute over who wins it all."
 
#281
#281
All in all this yrs basketball season has been a delight to see. Hopefully this success will lead to more down the road.
 
#284
#284
"Ago"

Please, dear god somebody help

"Ago"

Hey, you freak, I don't have to take that kind of crap

"Ago"



 
#287
#287
"Evil, like Humor," the judge intoned, "has always been a matter of perspective."

"I also have a serious problem," he continued, "with being the only nation in the world prepared to try 13 year old children as adults."

"That said, I think everyone here, save for the defendant himself, agrees that there is something gravely wrong with a child who is caught creeping out of a hospital nursery giggling with an empty tube of Vampire Blood in his hand."


 
#289
#289
"Words," he declared, ascending the mount, "will never join or divide us. I mean, "he qualified," how could they when half of you are semi-literate morons?"

From: So You Want to be the Next Messiah: Chapter One: Tolerance is Easier Said Than Done
 
#291
#291
'Anywhere, damnit!'

'Don't talk to me like that'

'For gods' sakes' woman, just get rid of it!'

'I'm not some sort've floozy you can just talk to that way, I won't have it!! Do you hear?!! I! WONT! HAVE! IT!!!!

'Okay, okay... honey, see?.... see?.... I'm dumping the body over the side of the boat,... OH!, no more bad-dead-body-stuff, OH! Gosh! No more bad body!.... Okay?'

'Okay'

'Okay, boodikins?'

'Okay (giggle)'

'Okay now, boodikins, I want you to think hard, where did you put the key?"
 
#295
#295
"Dancing teddy bears," Bob said.

"C'mon dude, chill. They're our fans," Jerry said.

"Okay, so dancing squid- I don't care! I'm telling you, all we've got to do is put any idiot thing on the back of an album and in two weeks..."

"...I said chill Bob."

"I'm just saying."

"And we all just know how you hate making money," Phil said.

"Shut up Lesh," Bob and Jerry said.

"Jinx!" Jerry barked.

"Jesus," Bob sighed, as Jerry went from giggles to hiccups.
 
#297
#297
"Dare," W declared.

"Okay," Cheney growled, ticked off that W had yet again refused the 'Truth' option- though he wasn't surprised. "I dare you to start a war completely based on lies in a country run by a dictator whose obscenities we've always supported or ignored, pretend it's about American values, and, once it starts to break down, say we can't stop now no matter how idiotic the facts make us look because it's better that more people die than we admit that all the people who have died to date did it for no damned good reason."
 
#298
#298
Reason is an indefinitely huge concept that far too many people set aside when making decisions that will affect not only themselves but others as well.
 
#300
#300
"Now"

"Right now?"

"No pinhead, that's the signal."

"Now?"

"Yeah"

"Right now?"

"No you freakin pinhead when I say, 'Now'"

"Like not 'now' now, but you'll let me know 'now', right?"

"Just shut up.... oh hell, here it comes... we've got one shot at this jerkwad....okay... okay.... Now!!!"

"..oh man, sorry..."

"NOW!!!"

"..okay, just let me.."

"NOW NOW NOW!!!!!"

"There... okay... got it. Jeez, dude, relax, you're gonna give yourself a... oh... man... bummer....."


-Excerpt from: Private Sector Space Travel: The Early Years




 
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