Bad jokes. Dad jokes and whatnot

[Weezer]

 

[Behr]

100 blondes living in Poland were all laughing one day and somebody asked them why they were laughing. They said Weezer so dumb.

Lulz.

 

[malinoisvol]

100 blondes living in Poland were all laughing one day and somebody asked them why they were laughing. They said Weezer so dumb.

Lulz.

Llama gonna put a curse on you, bruh.

 

[Behr]

Thats aight, just means errybody else is safe.

 

[Weezer]

Behr sent nudz to Joe's Granny.

 

[Weezer]

Sounds like Joe told his wife a joke.

 

[Quaint88]

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Apparently more than three because my basement is still dark.

 

[malinoisvol]

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Apparently more than three because my basement is still dark.

That's Jerry level right there!

 

[MyBloodRunnethOrange]

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Spoiler

Apparently more than three because my basement is still dark.

Dang!

 

[Weezer]

Dang!

Did the joke hit a little too close to home? Quick, someone check MBRO's basement!

 

[Hoosier_Vol]

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER
COOLER, ONE NUN SAID "WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL
ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT
FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A
SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM," THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE
PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED
WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER. "WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN
SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER. PULLED
OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE
BEER. HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID: "THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

 

[Behr]

A blonde is in a thrift store and asks what the shiny thing is on the shelf. The clerk says "that's a Thermos". The blonde asks "what's a Thermos"? The clerk says " it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold". The blonde says " oh sweet, I'll take it"

Next day at work a coworker says "I like your Thermos, what do you have in it?"

The blonde says, "coffee and a Popsicle"

 

[Behr]

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone are at a bar. Sly says "I'm bored with action movies, I want to do one about famous classical music composers."

Arnold says "I like the idea, Sly you can be Beethoven, Chuck can be Mozart and I'll be Bach".

 

[Behr]

At a singles dance last night, When they played the Twist, I twisted. When they played Jump, I jumped. They made me leave when they played Come on Eileen.

 

[Behr]

I took my wife to Subway last night night. I told the woman behind the counter to make me a ham, cheese and bacon sandwich and she said no problem sir. I looked at my wife and said "how fawking hard was that?"

 

[Souce]

@Behr
This is the "Bad jokes" thread, not the "Gayest Jokes on Earth" thread.

 

[Behr]

@Behr
This is the "Bad jokes" thread, not the "Gayest Jokes on Earth" thread.

 

[Weezer]

A psychiatrist was having a group session with three mothers and their young children. He said, " Today we're going to talk about obsessions." He turns to the first mom and says, "You are obsessed with food, and it reflects in your daughter's name, Candy." He turns to the second mom and says, "You are obsessed with money, and it reflects in your daughter's name, Penny." Before he can get to the third mom, she grabs her son by the hand and says, " I think it's time we leave, Dick."

 

[VolNExile]

for ALL of the above groaners,

 

[Weezer]

A family walks into a hotel and the father approaches the front desk. He says to the clerk, "I hope your porn is disabled." The clerk responds, "It's just regular porn, you sick fawk!"

 

[Behr]

Me : I would tell you a story about my peen, but its too long.

Her : I would tell you a joke about my puddy, but you won't get it.

 

[NEVolFan]

 

[Behr]

My Thai girlfriend said a small penis shouldn't matter in a loving relationship. I agree, but I still wish she didn't have one.

 

[MyBloodRunnethOrange]

My Thai girlfriend said a small penis shouldn't matter in a loving relationship. I agree, but I still wish she didn't have one.

 

[Behr]

What do call a zoo with only one dog?

A Shih Tzu.