Annual Make Fun of Bama Thread

#51
#51
LargeOrange1 said:
Sadly and disgustingly there is a man somewhere in Bama that would.......
Click to expand...
Sad+Alabama+fan.gif
 
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#52
#52
In the year 2022, right before the football season starts, Saban retires. Alabama decides to hire Kiffin as their head coach. The first move Kiffin makes is to hire Pruitt as his defensive coordinator. The two move back to Tuscaloosa and decide to be roommates. On the day of their first game, they head out to the bus stop to catch a ride.

As the bus pulls up, Kiffin leans inside and asks the bus driver, "Will this bus take me to Bryant-Denny Stadium?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
Hearing this, the Pruitt leans inside as well and says, "Will it take ME?"

***
The bus driver closes the door on the pair and takes off. Kiffin looks at his coordinator and remarks that they should just take a taxi. They call one and climb inside. After telling the driver that they want to go to the stadium, Pruitt asks him, "How long is the drive to the stadium?"

The driver murmers "Um, just a second if you please," as he checks his gps.

Kiffin looks flabbergasted and turns to Pruitt and whispers, "Thats WAY faster than the bus I bet."

***
After about 20 minutes of driving towards the stadium the taxi driver sighs. He looks back and says, "Hey I hate to ask you to do this but I think I got a turn signal blown out. Can you stick your head out the window and check for me?

Pruitt stuck his head out and said, 'Yup its workin', wait no, wait yes, uhhh No, Yes...'

***
When the taxi pulls up to the stadium, the coaches hop out. As they are making their way into the stadium they notice an argument. Two Alabama fans are yelling at each other. Well, the one fan is so is angry he takes out a gun and shoots the other man. After he does, he is so overcome with grief that he takes the gun and puts it to his own head.

Kiffin yells "Noo, don't do it!"

The Alabama man looks over and replies "Shut up, you're next."

***
After witnessing the murder outside, the men make their way into the stadium. Pruitt tell Kiffin that he is so distraught that he needs food to calm him down. Pruitt went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the cashier asked him if she would like his pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" he said, "I could never eat twelve!"

***
They men found their way to the locker room and got the team ready. The team went out and started the game in normal fashion. As halftime rolled around, the school decided to present one lucky student with free tuition if they could answer one single question correct.

The announcer calls a random Alabama student to midfield. The announcer says, "Okay! Here's the question. What is 1,000 x 999?"

The female student is mystified. "I don't... know," she giggles.

The audience starts chanting, "One more chance! ONE MORE CHANCE!"

The announcer shrugs and says, "Okay, okay. What is 25 divided by 5?"

Once again the girl is baffled. She shrugs nervously. "I don't know."

The crowd goes wild again. "ONE MORE CHANCE! ONE MORE CHANCE!"

The announcer gives in. "Alright, I'll give you one more chance. What is 1 + 1?"

She smiles and quietly says, "Ummm... two?"

Kiffin and Pruitt look at each other from the sidelines and scream, "ONE MORE CHANCE! ONE MORE CHANCE!"

***

The season did not go as Kiffin and Pruitt had planned. Not at all. They lost every single game that season, and were fired. To cheer them up, Saban decided to treat them to a vacation with him. They decided to go to a private island off in the Caribbean. While there they went hiking.

Quite quickly the three men found themselves lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

Saban came back first, and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten. The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

Kiffin arrived next with ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed and went to heaven

Saban and Kiffin met in heaven. Saban asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" Kiffin replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw Pruitt coming with pineapples.

***


Yes I know... unbelievable joke. Saban in heaven...
 
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#53
#53
I met a brother and sister from Alabama the other day.... I swear, if they were any more inbred they would be a sandwich.
 
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#56
#56
What's the difference between a University of Alabama cheerleader and a scarecrow?

One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
 
#59
#59
What does the una-bomber and a bama cheerleader have in common ? They both got fingered by their brother.
 
#61
#61
Two elderly Bama fans decided to go deer hunting one weekend. They were quite out of shape and while they were climbing across a fallen tree trunk, one of the Bammers suddenly grabbed his chest in agony and fell to the forest floor and became motionless. In a panic, his friend grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. He told the dispatcher “I think my friend just had a heart attack! He may be dead!” The dispatcher tried to calm the panicked man and said “Ok, OK. Let’s do this one thing at a time. First, we need to make sure if he really is dead.“ The hunter said „OK“. and the line went quiet for a moment. The dispatcher Heard a loud BANG. And then the man came back on the phone „OK, now what?“
 
#64
#64
Alabama fan decides to go to church for the first time in ages. As he is leaving he stops to thank the Pastor for a great message. Bammer notices a plaque on the wall with a few dozen names on it on it and asks the pastor whose names those are. The pastor replies that it is the names of all the members who had died in the service. Shocked and startled the Bama fan asks „The 9:15 or the 10:30?“
 
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#73
#73
An Auburn fan named Junebug is listening to the radio and hears an ad from Wallys travel agency and bait shop for a free all inclusive cruise . Wally says the offer is first come first serve so Bubba hightails it down there and is delighted to learn that he has won but before he knows what hit him Wally bashes him in the head with a bat, steals his wallet ,wraps him in duct tape then throws him in a canoe and drags it out back and drops him in the river . Just as he is coming to he notices another canoe floating alongside him with a guy all decked out in his best row tide finery to whom Junebug asks Hey there ol slick , do they feed you on this cruise ? The Alabama fan replies with “Well they didn’t last year “
 
#74
#74
Hawkeye4588 said:
After Saban dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Nick a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Nick looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge UT banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Saban says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and General Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Nick, that's not the General's house. That's mine."
Click to expand...

If that’s true, then Lane Kiffin, Pruitt and John Currie will be gnawed by Lucifer for eternity in the 9th circle, right?
 
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