Alabama Joke Time again, VN!

#102
#102
Just hear on the Jay Leno show that Osama Bin Laden's first wife was also his first cousin. Jay said that didn't sound like Al 'Qaeda it sounded like Alabama.
 
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#103
#103
There was a UT fan, a GA fan, and a Bammer that worked for a construction company building a bridge. Everyday during lunchbreak they would meet up and talk football. One day they all gathered up and started to eat. The UT fan opened his lunch box and said "Dang, Turkey sandwhich again. If I have to eat one more turkey sandwhich im going to jump off this bridge." The GA fan opened his lunch box and said "Salad again. If I have to eat one more Salad im going to jump off this bridge." The Bammer opened up his lunch box and said "Bologna. If I have to eat one more bologna sandwhich im going to jump off this bridge too."

So the next day the 3 guys meet up for lunch. The UT fan opens his lunch box and finds another turkey sandwhich. He shouted "Thats it, I cant take it anymore!", and jumps off the bridge to his death. The GA fan opens his lunch box and finds another Salad. He shouted "Thats it, I cant take it anymore!", and also jumps off the bridge to his death. The Bammer opens his lunch box and finds another Bologna sandwhich. He shouted "Thats it, I cant take it anymore!", and follows the other guy by jumping off the bridge to his death.

A few hours later the police are interviewing the wives of the three men. The UT fans wife said "I thought he liked turkey. Thats why I always made it for him. If i only knew he hated it that much I wouldn't have made it for him". The GA fans wife said "I never knew he didnt like salad. I just thought it would be good and healthy for him. I feel so bad". The Bammers wife said "I just cant understand this at all. He always made his own lunch".
 
#104
#104
So I'm sitting in a bar last weekend when I Bammer fan sits next to me. The guy looked really depressed, so I ask him what is wrong. He went on to tell me he just got back from his new proctologist, and she was gorgeous. So I ask, "so what's the problem?". He said he was really depressed becuase of what she said. He told me that she told him to stop drinking, smoking and masturbating. He said he was not suprised about the smoking and drinking, but the mastubating had him perplexed. So he ask her, "Why do I have to stop mastubating"? To which she replied, "BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO EXAMINE YOU!!!":unsure:
 
#105
#105
RedStickVOL said:
Unfortunately the video has since been taken off of YouTube, but last year's (maybe two years ago) UA pre-game video showed at every home game at BDS had a clip of a band performing a circle drill show. However, unbeknownst to the people that made the video, the band that was being shown was our own Pride of the Southland Marching Band.

Good work Alabubba
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And they claim we stole the circle drill from them...ridiculous.
 
#107
#107
A Bammer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Bammer is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the Bammer says, "What's that noise?"
 
#110
#110
I heard CBS pitched CSI Tuscaloosa but decided it would be impossible to solve any cases with everybody having the same DNA
 
#111
#111
shenvalvol said:
A Bammer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Bammer is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the Bammer says, "What's that noise?"
Click to expand...

OMG this is great. :popcorn:
 
#112
#112
An alabama fan walks into a bar in Knoxville, where he sees a plate with 5 gold bars on it behind the bartender. He asks the barkeep, what's the deal with the gold? Well, answers the barkeep, that's our three step challenge, which no one has had the guts to attempt, step one is you must drink ten shots of whiskey, without stopping. Step two, out back is my doberman, the meanest dog in the county, you must take these pliers and pull his bad tooth. For the final step, see the lady at the end of the bar? She is 90 years old and hasn't had sex in 60 years. You must do the deed and bring her to the finish. If you can do that you can have the gold. The Bama fan said, "is that all"?, set them drinks up. He finished all ten, grabbed the pliers and went out the back door. For ten minutes the bar patrons heard the awful commotion out back. The bama fan then came back in and asked " Where's that old lady who needed that tooth pulled"?
 
#113
#113
big orange steve said:
An alabama fan walks into a bar in Knoxville, where he sees a plate with 5 gold bars on it behind the bartender. He asks the barkeep, what's the deal with the gold? Well, answers the barkeep, that's our three step challenge, which no one has had the guts to attempt, step one is you must drink ten shots of whiskey, without stopping. Step two, out back is my doberman, the meanest dog in the county, you must take these pliers and pull his bad tooth. For the final step, see the lady at the end of the bar? She is 90 years old and hasn't had sex in 60 years. You must do the deed and bring her to the finish. If you can do that you can have the gold. The Bama fan said, "is that all"?, set them drinks up. He finished all ten, grabbed the pliers and went out the back door. For ten minutes the bar patrons heard the awful commotion out back. The bama fan then came back in and asked " Where's that old lady who needed that tooth pulled"?
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So, Thats where da gold at!!
 
#114
#114
Q: How do you stop a bammer from talking about Bear Bryant?
A: Hit him in the face with an axe.
 
#116
#116
AllVols said:
:eek:hmy:...ok I laughed, but dang man you need to some help.
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I know I need help, but I have fun.

Q: Why do bammers only use two pallbearers at a funeral?
A: There are ony 2 handles on a garbage can.
 
#117
#117
Bama grad discovers computers...

orangetsar-albums-mystuff-picture1612-march-08-2-25.html

http://www.volnation.com/forum/members/orangetsar-albums-mystuff-picture1612-march-08-2-25.html
 
#118
#118
A prominent Alabama attorney went duck hunting on the Tennessee state line with hatvol. He shot a duck, but it landed on a farmer's field in Tennessee. He went to retrieve it, but the farmer got to it first. "Give me my duck he demanded". "It's not yours. it's mine 'cause it fell on my property" said the farmer. The attorney bellowed "I'm the most respected and feared attorney in Alabama. I'll sue your butt for all it's worth". Hat spoke up,"that's not necessary barrister, in Tennessee we settle this type of dispute by the three kick rule", while giving the farmer a wink, to which the farmer gave a knowing grin.

"What in hell is that asked the attorney? "That's where you each get to kick the other three times anywhere as hard as you can, and the first to give loses. Seeing the farmer is about 80 yrs old, he says fine, I'll let the old fart go first.

Well the first kick was in the shin and it hurt like hell, the second kick was to the groin which doubled the attorney over, quickly followed by a third kick to the chin which knocked him flat on his back minus three teeth. "I'm gonna kick your butt all the way to Chattanooga farmer", to which the farmer replied, "don't have to do that, I give-it's your duck".
 
#120
#120
rbroyles said:
A prominent Alabama attorney went duck hunting on the Tennessee state line with hatvol. He shot a duck, but it landed on a farmer's field in Tennessee. He went to retrieve it, but the farmer got to it first. "Give me my duck he demanded". "It's not yours. it's mine 'cause it fell on my property" said the farmer. The attorney bellowed "I'm the most respected and feared attorney in Alabama. I'll sue your butt for all it's worth". Hat spoke up,"that's not necessary barrister, in Tennessee we settle this type of dispute by the three kick rule", while giving the farmer a wink, to which the farmer gave a knowing grin.

"What in hell is that asked the attorney? "That's where you each get to kick the other three times anywhere as hard as you can, and the first to give loses. Seeing the farmer is about 80 yrs old, he says fine, I'll let the old fart go first.

Well the first kick was in the shin and it hurt like hell, the second kick was to the groin which doubled the attorney over, quickly followed by a third kick to the chin which knocked him flat on his back minus three teeth. "I'm gonna kick your butt all the way to Chattanooga farmer", to which the farmer replied, "don't have to do that, I give-it's your duck".
Click to expand...
Nice... :lol:
 
#122
#122
Q: How do you make a bammer sound like a dog?
A: Soak him in gasoline (that's gas for you bammers) and throw a match on him....WOOF!
 
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