Alabama Joke Time again, VN!

#76
#76
A UT grad was driving through Alabama when one of his tires blew out. He didn't have a spare so he started walking looking for a service station. He still hadn't found one when night set in so he stopped at the next farmhouse to see if he could stay for the night. The man who answered the door, seeing the stranger in a UT jacket, told the man that he would never allow a Tennessee fan in his house but that he would let him sleep in the barn. The next morning, the 'Bama man walked out to the barn to check on the UT man. "How'd you sleep" he asked. The UT guy says, "We'll I didn't sleep very well because several of your animals talk." "They talk!" said the 'Bama guy. "Well, what did they say?" he asked. The Tennessee man said "We'll your cows said that they don't like it when you milk them because your hands are too cold. And your roosters said that they get tired of trying to wake you up and you not coming out here for another hour. And then the sheep....". The Bama guy interrupted, "I'll tell you right now that you can't believe a dang word them sheep say."
 
#77
#77
Make fun of Bama in verse....

Oh thou high and mighty who dwell in these airy heights
Of joyous celebration of victorious gridiron nights
Consider ye the likely course of doom and despair
When thy ranking is shot down in midair
By yon Kiffin child sired of football's greatest mind
Who will verily kick thine forlorn crimson behind!!!
 
#78
#78
A UT Fan, a U V Fan, and a VU Fan were driving through the dessert. The engine suddenly blew up in the car they were in. Realizing that help was not coming and they are miles away from the nearest town, they decided to walk. The UT Fan said “I’m going to bring some water because we will get thirsty”. The VU Fan said “I’m going to bring some food because we might get hungry”. The UA Fan looked confused and started looking around. He then pulled the door off the truck. The UT Fan looking confused and asked the UA Fan “What’s the door for?” The UA Fan replied “Well if we get hot, I can roll down the window”
 
#79
#79
A UA Fan was standing in front of a firing squad with two other criminals. As the guards pointed their weapons, one of the criminals yelled “Tornado” and as the guards turned around, the criminal jumped over the wall. Realizing what happened the guards took aim once more. Suddenly the other criminal yelled “Volcano”. The guards turned around to look, and the criminal jumped the wall. The guards realizing again what happened took aim at the UA Fan. Well, the UA Fan started laughing in and thinking this is so easy. As the guards gathered their thoughts and took aim, the UA Fan yelled “FIRE”
 
#80
#80
In similar auto vein:

A pickup truck with Alabama window flags flapping and "S the Coach" stickers and hounds-tooth memorabilia galore was seen zooming down a steep mountain highway. Two Bammers were in the cab and two Bammers riding in the pickup's bed. The crimson truck was traveling far too fast to make the next curve and went careening off into space only to land in a lake far below. Other motorists got out of the cars and rushed down the slope to attempt to help. When they arrived, two Bama fans were pulling themselves out of the water and collapsed to the ground. "What about the other two guys?" one rescuer asked. One of the tide faithful looked sadly back at the water and shook his head, a tear forming in his eye. "They drowned" he said sadly. "Couldn't get the dang tailgate open in time."
 
#87
#87
Smokeyman said:
That guy was from Washington and was BORN in Alabama! HAHAHA. FAIL. :)
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The two men arrested live on the farm in Maury Co., Tennessee where the acts occurred. Enough said.

Men accused of having sex with animals in Maury Co.
Posted: Oct 19, 2009 11:31 AM EDT

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James Tait

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Kenny Thomason

MAURY CO., Tenn. - Two men are behind bars in Maury County, accusing of performing sex acts with an animal.

The Maury County Sheriff's Department arrested and charged 58-year-old James Michael Tait and 44-year-old Kenny Thomason with animal cruelty last Thursday.

Chief Deputy Nathan Johns said the men admitted to engaging in sex acts with a horse.

"On Thursday, we had a witness come forward and divulge some information regarding some possible criminal activity with animals here in Maury County," Johns explained. "First of all, it's pretty bizarre behavior and not only a concern for the animals but also the people who are participating in this."

According to investigators, the sex acts occurred at Thomason's 10-acre farm on Double Branch Road, where both men live.

The arrest warrant says Tait had allegedly been engaging in sex acts with a stud horse over a span of several months.

Thomason was aware the animal-human sex was occurring on the property.

"The farm did have a lot of different animals on there. They had horses and goats and dogs and pigs," Johns continued.

On Friday, sheriff's deputies brought a veterinarian to the property to check on the animals' health.

Johns said Sunday the horses remain on the property for the time being.

Maury County detectives said the investigation is ongoing and they are looking into whether anyone else could have been involved.

"It's against the law and just like any other crime, we certainly are going to investigate it," said Johns.

Both men are in the Maury County jail on $100,000 bond each.

In 2005, Tait was arrested in King County, Washington for engaging in sex acts with a horse.
 
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#89
#89
"After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge checkerboard UT banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and General Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not the General's house. That's mine!"
 
#91
#91
Tennessee Golfer said:
A Tennessee fan, Vandy fan, and Bama fan are all running from the cops. They find an old abandoned barn out in the country and decide to hide there. When they see the police cars roll up they each jump into a potatoe sack. When the police enter they kick the sack that contains the Tennessee fan and they hear RUFF RUFF, they then kick the sack containing the Vandy fan and they hear MEOW MEOW. They proceed to kick the sack containing the Bama fan and they hear POTATOE POTATOE.
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Did you hear this joke from Dan Quayle?

Ah bummer... I see someone else beat me to it.
 
#94
#94
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.


“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a Ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!? I thought you said ‘goats!’”
 
#96
#96
Smokeybluetick said:
Chamionships? Thats some of that Bammer lingo!!:crazy:
what a dork!!! Cheater U. and its two toothed fan base, gotta love it! Win or lose, I'm not from Bammer so everything will be fine!
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As a matter of fact, that was some gator lingo and f-u, for thinking I'm a bama fan. Pay attention dumbass.
 
#97
#97
Vol-ler_Baller said:
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:"1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
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:lolabove: :lolabove: :post-4-1090547912: :post-4-1090547912:

We should probably follow this with something about not being able to count above 21 !
 
#98
#98
81Bubbavol said:
:lolabove: :lolabove: :post-4-1090547912: :post-4-1090547912:

We should probably follow this with something about not being able to count above 21 !
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I told that joke no less than a dozen times today (taking credit for it....sorry original poster)...and all these idiots in Texas could say was "How come ya'll hate UA so much?"...it was all I could do to walk away...that's the funniest one I've heard in a while
 
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