Annual Make Fun of Bama Thread

[OrangeTsar]

Insert jokes or funny memes here:
i will start the festivities
Someone once gave me upper deck tickets to a game at Bryant Denny. I was scanning the stadium about 30 minutes prior to kickoff when I noticed a good friend of mine (rabid Bama fan) sitting at the 50 yard line only about 3 rows from the field. So I decided tp go down and say hello.
After initial chit chat I asked how he got such incredible seats. He said that it had been a dream of him and his wife Sarah to get season tickets in such a prime spot their entire life and he had finally saved up enough to get them this year. I noticed the seat next to him was empty and asked why Sarah wasn’t with him today. A tear came to his eye as he told me Sarah had recently passed before they could enjoy their dream. I said I was so sorry and asked if he couldn’t find a friend to bring today.
He replied that he had really tried hard but that everyone he asked insisted on attending the funeral today instead.

 

[OrangeSquid]

I'll go with my old favorite and standby:
A Bama brother and sister just finished having sex. The sister says to her brother, "You do that just like Daddy".
He answers, "Yeah, I know. That's what Mom says".

 

[realmenwearorange]

First thing a Bama cheerleader says when she gets up each morning, "Roll over Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes'"

 

[realmenwearorange]

Serious question, when Bama fans get married and later get a divorce, are they considered brother and sister?

 

[Dudleys87]

To hell with em.
Sister kissing
Cousin dating
Daughter lovin
Mother fkn
Trailer chasing
Butt chuggin
Toilet water drinking
Lower than scum
Maggots in the bottom of a septic tank at a slaughter house
Padded room at the puzzle factory
Bandwagon crackpots to ever be “fans” of college football

and then there’s the “Crimson Wave” that’s great you just referred to your team as a minstual cycle.

 

[OrangeTsar]

Serious question, when Bama fans get married and later get a divorce, are they considered brother and sister?

Hey now, this is the new America, they can also remain brother and brother.

 

[realmenwearorange]

What do divorces and tornados have in common in Alabama?

Either way, someone is losing a trailer.

 

[Dudleys87]

Serious question, when Bama fans get married and later get a divorce, are they considered brother and sister?

Mother and Son
Father and daughter

 

[realmenwearorange]

Little known fact that the toothbrush was invented in Alabama. If it had been invented anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush.

 

[Dudleys87]

Little known fact that the toothbrush was invented in Alabama. If it had been invented anywhere else it would called a teethbrush.

So it was invented there and they still don’t know how to find one, or use one. Makes a hell of a lot of sense

 

[OrangeTsar]

Bama fan went to the small engine store and said, give me your best chainsaw, I’ve got 10 acres of pine to clear. The dealer gives him their very top of the line model.
Bammer comes back in a week later and slams the saw down on the Counter and says „This piece of garbage ain’t no good! It took me a whole day to cut down just one tree. The dealer scratches head and says „let me take a look“ and pulls the cord. The chainsaw starts in the first pull and purrs like a tiger. Startled, the Bama fan jumps and says „What’s that noise?“

 

[realmenwearorange]

Alabama family tree

 

[VOLstuckinKY2]

Alabama's library caught fire and burned to the ground...all three books were lost. Sad thing is only one of them had been colored in...

 

[Dudleys87]

Bama fan went to the small engine store and said, give me your best chainsaw, I’ve got 10 acres of pine to clear. The dealer gives him their very top of the line model.
Bammer comes back in a week later and slams the saw down on the Counter and says „This piece of garbage ain’t no good! It took me a whole day to cut down just one tree. The dealer scratches head and says „let me take a look“ and pulls the cord. The chainsaw starts in the first pull and purrs like a tiger. Startled, the Bama fan jumps and says „What’s that noise?“

Lol, that’s pretty damn good!

 

[Dudleys87]

Alabama where family reunions and divorce court come together.

 

[Other_Guy]

When alabama fans ask you if you are going to throw trash at them, ask them if they're going to shoot you the next time they lose.

 

[realmenwearorange]

Alabama's top recruit did not qualify academically so the president of the university said he would admit him if he could answer one random admittance question. It was decided this would take place at halftime of Bama's next game. 1st question was who was the first president of the US? The recruit said Lincoln, the capacity crowd all shouted "Give him another chance!". 2nd question was what is the last letter of the alphabet. He said U. The crowd shouted " Give him another chance!" The president said one last question, what is 1 plus 1. The recruit said 2. The crowd again shouted " Give him another chance!"

 

[OrangeTsar]

If there is ever a true zombie apocalypse, high tail it to Tuscaloosa ASAP. It would be a starvation zone for the fiendish critters

 

[realmenwearorange]

Jeremy Pruitt's grammar

 

[BigOrangeMojo]

What do you call a 16 year Bama girl that can outrun her brother?

A Virgin

 

[UTwild82]

State slogan: "At least we ain't Mississippi."

 

[MadWorld]

 

[Orange defense]

[on the phone] We think they're trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. You know how corrupt it is down here. They all know each other.
Stan: The Klan's here. They're inbred. They sleep with their sisters.

 

[overseasorange2]

My bama friend was very upset after he came back from his annual physical yesterday. So I asked him, "What Happened"?

So he went on to explain to me that his regular doctor was on vacation, but a beautiful blonde woman doctor substituted for his GP. Anyway he said that about half way though his exam, the doctor stopped and said, "I need you to quit drinking, stop smoking and quit masturbating" My friend understood about the drinking and smoking, but the last request left he perplexed. So he asked", WHY oh why do I have to stop masturbating? She screamed back, "Because I am trying to examine you!!!!!".

 

[Jackcrevol]

Got these off interwebs.

1- Why do ducks fly over Alabama upside down?

- There's nothing in Alabama worth crapping on.

2- What do Alabamans do on Hallween?

Pump-kin.