Bad jokes. Dad jokes and whatnot

#279
#279
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.

I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfare."
 
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#284
#284
BigO95 said:
Do you know why women can never make up their minds on where to eat?



Because the last time they did, Adam got kicked out of the garden....😁
Click to expand...

Do you know exactly how many pairs of lions God told Moses to bring on the Ark with him?
 
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#297
#297
My daughter got my pastors wife on the Moses and the ark joke a while back. Actually it's been a few years since. That was actually pretty funny.
 
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#298
#298
My favorite is the little girl in school arguing with the teacher about whales being able to swallow a human whole. The teacher kept telling her it was impossible. The little girl told her about Jonah and how the whale swallowed him whole. Again the teacher just laughed and told her it was impossible and that was just a silly story.

The little girl said "well when I get to heaven, I'll ask Jonah".

Teacher thought she was smart and said "what if Jonah went to hell? "

Little girl said "then you can ask him"
 
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#300
#300
An assistant to Nancy Pelosi told her she had a fantastic dream last night.

There was a humongous parade in Washington celebrating Pelosi.

Millions lined the parade route, cheering when Nancy went past.

Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.

It was the biggest celebration Washington had ever seen.

Nancy was very impressed and said, "That's really great! By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair OK?"

Her friend said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."
 
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