So after 64 threads (not exaggerating, just counted them) and literally THOUSANDS of posts on the OC question, I think I can summarize it all in less than 20 lines of text. Yep, sixty-four threads, thousands of posts, probably hundreds of thousands of words, down to twenty lines. Here goes:
"Bajakian's leaving"
"Holy carp, we gotta get someone, STAT! Otherwise, we will totally fail FUREVER!"
"I knew Jones wasn't worth a poop, see this proves it, he has ruined my life"
"I know, let's get ___________" (insert any of 45 different names here, most of them well known and trendy in college or pro football today)
"Looking more and more like DeBord, check my stats" (sorry, historical accuracy prevents me from leaving this out)
"Not DeBord, he's old and ugly and can't coach!"
"1997 National championship"
"Yeah, but not DeBord, he's old and ugly and hasn't coached in forever"
"Dude, it's been two years"
"Yeah, but not DeBord, he's old and ugly and doesn't know modern offenses!"
"[video of 2008 Cap One Bowl win over Florida]"
"Yeah, but not DeBord, he's old and ugly and can't recruit!"
"Got great marks recruiting for Michigan as recently as six years ago"
"Yeah, but not DeBord, he's old and ugly and...well, he's old and ugly!"
"Saban, Miles, Spurrier, Belichick, Carroll all older"
"Not DeBord, PLEASE, he's ugly and not at all trendy and HE DOESN'T KNOW TWITTER!"
...
There you go, did it in 16 lines.
