Thinking about getting married....

#51
#51
utvolpj said:
then maybe people should choose their mates better. Would eliminate much of the problem
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I follow you to a degree, certainly a lot of people shouldn't ever get married. But life happens unfortunately and people grow apart.
 
#52
#52
If people placed the same value on their marriage as they do their money, this wouldn't be a discussion.
 
#53
#53
To the OP:

Is this someone that you cannot see yourself living without when you are 60/70/80? Or, is this someone who you simply think is a good girl who would make a nice wife and a nice mother to your children?

If the latter, then it is not 'love'; get married and get a prenup. If the former, then it is probably 'love'; give it time to develop and get married in a few years.
 
#55
#55
I've only been married 2 and a half weeks, but I can already tell you that it's a whole new ball game once you walk down that aisle. And if you have arguments, odds are it will be over $$$$.
 
#56
#56
shelbyvillevol said:
I've only been married 2 and a half weeks, but I can already tell you that it's a whole new ball game once you walk down that aisle. And if you have arguments, odds are it will be over $$$$.
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That doesn't sound like a good start
 
#57
#57
JAllen18 said:
I haven't proposed yet, and I'm pretty sure that this girl is the "one". But, I've put a lot of thought into it, and wondering If she says yes, should I look into signing a prenup?

Just wondering if anyone here that is married and has signed one with their spouse?
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Enough said. NO!:banghead2:
 
#58
#58
I am surprised about all the hostility towards getting a prenuptial.

1) If you are worried about whether or not she will say yes when you propose, you should not ask her. The act of proposing should be nothing more than a formality. Something romantic that will be special for the both of you. Also, be a proper gentleman and ask her father's blessing in advance.

I am constantly amazed at how many people get engaged without having a lot of serious discussions about the long term. There are many, many things you and your girlfriend ought to have hammered out before you ever entertain the idea of marriage. Examples include but are not limited to finances, long term goals, how many children, how you are going to raise your child, religious differences, end of life or ICU morality decisions, etc.

2) There is not such thing as "the one" or "soul mate." In reality, there are only a few thousand girls out there whom you are truly compatible with. When compared to the millions of available females, finding and successfully wooing one of the few thousand females with whom you are truly compatible becomes quite the daunting task. Thus, giving us the illusion of finding "the one" or our "soul mate."

3) This notion of a happily ever after ending is a quite tragic metaphor that our society has been brainwashed into thinking is true. Reality is that two people with different backgrounds, thoughts, experiences, beliefs, etc. are coming together to share a life together. This is not an easy feat. I think too many people underestimate the difficulty involved. Furthermore, in addition to committing yourself to another being for life, you are suppose to start a family with this person. This only complicates matters.

4) People are dynamic. We are constantly changing and evolving. Some of us for the better, some of for the worse. I think this is the scariest thing about marriage. For a moment, lets concede that you have indeed found one of those few thousand girls which you are truly compatible with and vice versa; it does not necessarily follow that she or you will be the same person five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Some food for thought.

Given points 1-4, I think getting a prenuptial is not a bad idea. It is a non-issue if you are married "until death do you part." Statistically, you have less than a 50% shot at being married until one of you pass away. If you do divorce, wouldn't you like to have an agreement already worked out? An agreement in which both of you worked and agreed to when both parties were thinking clearly and rationally? Once a couple gets to the point of divorce, emotion takes over and rationally is tossed to the curb.
 
#60
#60
You must ask yourself...

Do I like this girl more than I like half my stuff?

That is really what it comes down to
 
#61
#61
SpringBokVol said:
Great post Volly.

To the OP: I am married. Never asked for a pre-nup. And honestly, I don't believe there is ever a reason for one. Even if you are loaded.

By getting married you are taking a vow to make that person one with you. That means all of you.

I have never understood it and those that I have seen use them always need them.
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There is always a reason for a pre-nup. If you put too much trust into something that is entirely based upon fiction, you will get burned. Or you could be the sucker. Simple choice.
 
#62
#62
PKT_VOL said:
4) People are dynamic. We are constantly changing and evolving. Some of us for the better, some of for the worse. I think this is the scariest thing about marriage. For a moment, lets concede that you have indeed found one of those few thousand girls which you are truly compatible with and vice versa; it does not necessarily follow that she or you will be the same person five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Some food for thought.

Given points 1-4, I think getting a prenuptial is not a bad idea. It is a non-issue if you are married "until death do you part." Statistically, you have less than a 50% shot at being married until one of you pass away. If you do divorce, wouldn't you like to have an agreement already worked out? An agreement in which both of you worked and agreed to when both parties were thinking clearly and rationally? Once a couple gets to the point of divorce, emotion takes over and rationally is tossed to the curb.
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so people are dynamic but it's a good idea to enter into a contract so early into the relationship?
 
#63
#63
PKT_VOL said:
I am surprised about all the hostility towards getting a prenuptial.

1) If you are worried about whether or not she will say yes when you propose, you should not ask her. The act of proposing should be nothing more than a formality. Something romantic that will be special for the both of you. Also, be a proper gentleman and ask her father's blessing in advance.

I am constantly amazed at how many people get engaged without having a lot of serious discussions about the long term. There are many, many things you and your girlfriend ought to have hammered out before you ever entertain the idea of marriage. Examples include but are not limited to finances, long term goals, how many children, how you are going to raise your child, religious differences, end of life or ICU morality decisions, etc.

2) There is not such thing as "the one" or "soul mate." In reality, there are only a few thousand girls out there whom you are truly compatible with. When compared to the millions of available females, finding and successfully wooing one of the few thousand females with whom you are truly compatible becomes quite the daunting task. Thus, giving us the illusion of finding "the one" or our "soul mate."

3) This notion of a happily ever after ending is a quite tragic metaphor that our society has been brainwashed into thinking is true. Reality is that two people with different backgrounds, thoughts, experiences, beliefs, etc. are coming together to share a life together. This is not an easy feat. I think too many people underestimate the difficulty involved. Furthermore, in addition to committing yourself to another being for life, you are suppose to start a family with this person. This only complicates matters.

4) People are dynamic. We are constantly changing and evolving. Some of us for the better, some of for the worse. I think this is the scariest thing about marriage. For a moment, lets concede that you have indeed found one of those few thousand girls which you are truly compatible with and vice versa; it does not necessarily follow that she or you will be the same person five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Some food for thought.

Given points 1-4, I think getting a prenuptial is not a bad idea. It is a non-issue if you are married "until death do you part." Statistically, you have less than a 50% shot at being married until one of you pass away. If you do divorce, wouldn't you like to have an agreement already worked out? An agreement in which both of you worked and agreed to when both parties were thinking clearly and rationally? Once a couple gets to the point of divorce, emotion takes over and rationally is tossed to the curb.
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This is a winning post right here.
 
#65
#65
Vols520 said:
I chose marriage over a career actually.
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I daydream about that statement alot...I work with several women who have senior level positions and their husbands stay home...

Now that both kids are pretty much school age, I'd love to be a stay at home dad....
 
#66
#66
vol_in_il said:
I daydream about that statement alot...I work with several women who have senior level positions and their husbands stay home...

Now that both kids are pretty much school age, I'd love to be a stay at home dad....
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My ex-husband tried that. Problem was I wasn't senior level. :blink: Then I got a clue and kicked him to the curb. Worked my way up to senior level, and was able to support my children. :) Then I met Mr. Wonderful and now I'm doing something at a company I love living an ordinary fairy tale existence. :dance2:
 
#67
#67
vol_in_il said:
I daydream about that statement alot...I work with several women who have senior level positions and their husbands stay home...

Now that both kids are pretty much school age, I'd love to be a stay at home dad....
Click to expand...

Well not to that extent but I passed up a promotion so I could stay w gf who is now my wife. I still do well, and don't regret it.
 
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#69
#69
I've been married for 29 years and it occurred to me last week that I could've killed her 29 years ago and already gotten out of jail. I'm not saying...just sayin...
 
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#70
#70
vollygirl said:
My ex-husband tried that. Problem was I wasn't senior level. :blink: Then I got a clue and kicked him to the curb. Worked my way up to senior level, and was able to support my children. :) Then I met Mr. Wonderful and now I'm doing something at a company I love living an ordinary fairy tale existence. :dance2:
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wow...Pom Pom Pants and bringing home the cash...that's a winning combination
 
#74
#74
A wise man once said...Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet
 
#75
#75
Just got married. Man got a funny story. Not to overshadow.

I had this elaborate romantic thing set for asheville nc. Gonna ask her there. Well trying to keep it a secret is not gonna happen. So, i wrote her a letter and left it out all non shalant. She opens the letter and reads the sentimental words, starts crying. Then i propose, mr romantic right? She says "yes i will, i love you" then she looks at me deadpan, "but ive got to poop really bad!"

Needless to say its all what u make of it
Man, we are in our thirties and chose to wait. Its not easy. But its never ever boring!

Its worth it. Good luck, and one thing i will assure u she will make u earn it.
 
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