The Topic That Will Never Die

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#3,826
#3,826
busier than a group of Bammers at the governor's mansion burn sale

 

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#3,827
#3,827
And now for the news...The B'ham Superior Court Building began smoking today as testimony from Gallion fueled rumors of a conspiracy theory by the University of Tennessee. Members of the jury refused to evacuate, claiming that their judgement was not clouded by the smoldering testimony. One juror was quoted as saying, "Heck, we had more smoke in the hotel room than this when we were getting bombed last night. We enjoy a good smoke before trial. It helps see the conspiracy more clearly."

 

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#3,832
#3,832
post-4-1106689871.jpg



When questioned about the case and the here-to-fore dramatic move of sequestering the jury in an undisclosed location in another county, the Head Bailiff not only refused to answer our questions about their location, but immediately retired in a flurry of somewhat florid expletives....
 
#3,833
#3,833
In the absence of official sources, the locals were braced but proved both extraordinarily eager to please and singularly unhelpful....

smoking-cat.jpg
 
#3,834
#3,834


transvestite.jpg



While we attempted to contact both the presiding judge and the governor's office, the responses from both were unusually reserved....
 
#3,835
#3,835
All paths closed to us, and with no other recourse, we were forced by the realities of the ever-changing and vibrant American news scene to abandon our search in the name of more pressing stories....



monkey-whore.jpg
 
#3,836
#3,836
why do women never fart? ..... their mouth is always open so there's no time for pressure to build up
 
#3,837
#3,837
Three Bama fans were driving along a farm road one day when they saw a farmer helping a cow give birth. They saw the farmer was having trouble pulling by himself, asked if they could help and started pulling on the baby to get it out. Twenty minutes go by and the calf finally drops and the farmer says," thanks so much for your help, you boys want some dinner for your troubles?" One man looks over and says, " No thanks, but I do want to know one thing.....how fast was that one cow running to get it's head stuck up in the others butt like that???"

:gun:

.....or something like that
 
#3,839
#3,839
Farmer couldn't seem to get his prize cow to have any more calves, so he took her to the vet.

"Sorry", said the vet, somehow or another she has become decaffinated.

Umm...

 
#3,841
#3,841
Last one.

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to shoot himself, is that considered a hostage situation?
 
#3,842
#3,842
Originally posted by volmanjr@Feb 1, 2005 12:31 PM
man that avatar creeps me out after about 2 minutes, is that a portriat of you dj?
Click to expand...

no....I just googled Big Orange my first day on and that was the most original thing I found.....I don't even know what it's from or what it's originally for. :p

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Is there another word for synonym?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

And my personal favorite that I may have come up with.....

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?
Click to expand...
 
#3,843
#3,843
They say if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.

But if you find someone who life gave them vodka, then you can have a party.
 
#3,844
#3,844
Originally posted by StripClubDJ@Feb 1, 2005 9:30 PM
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
    and apes? 
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Over the years everybody who claims to be one of the "Good Guys" have gotten so decrepit that these days you pretty much need Republicans around as a constant reminder of the fact that while Democrats may suck, they look pretty damned good compared to the alternative.....
 
#3,848
#3,848
here are some things you'll never here a redneck say....

Oh I couldn't , she's only 16...
I'll take Shakespeare for a 1000 Alex...
Duct tape won't fix that....
Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan...
come to think of it , I'll have a Hieneken...
 
#3,849
#3,849
We don't keep firearms in this house....
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?...
you can't feed that to the dog...
I thought Graceland was tacky...
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe...
Wrestling's fake....
Honey, did you mail the donation to Greenpeace?...
We're vegetarians...
 
#3,850
#3,850
Do you think my gut is too big?...
I'll have grapefriut and toast instead of biscuits and gravy...
honey, we don't need another dog...
Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?...
Give me the small bag of pork rinds...
Too many deer heads detract from the decor...
Spittin is just a nasty habit...
I couldn't find a thing at Wal-mart today...
Trim the fat off my steak...
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso...
The tires on that truck are just too big...
 
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