The Topic That Will Never Die

[MemphisVol]

Originally posted by MemphisVol+Sep 18, 2004 2:59 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (MemphisVol @ Sep 18, 2004 2:59 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 2:29 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:57 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:51 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:44 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:41 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:37 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:25 AM

Originally posted by MemphisVol@Sep 18, 2004 12:24 AM
<!--QuoteBegin-MemphisVol

@Sep 17, 2004 10:58 PM
Short Story 1:


It was a dark and Buffy night. 

It would have been Stormy, but Stormy had a stomach bug, so Buffy was filling in.

As the Florida high school recruits filed into the supposed Tri-Delt sorority house, located, suspiciously, on the hooker-strip just outside the airport, more than one of them wondered why a sorority house had a bar, DJ, and stage complete with floor-to-cieling, well-oiled metal poles.

But these were high school boys.  More importantly, they were high school boys who were condering gong to "school" in Gainesville.  In other words, we&#39;re not talking brain trust here.

As they walked through the door....

... Gary made sure he caught each on at least one of the cameras he&#39;d placed around the club that afternoon....

....Gary, wasn&#39;t, strictly speaking, a private investigator.

...A technician in a gynocologist&#39;s office and amateur stalker for some years, Gary preferred to call himself an agent for a privates inspector.

Gary wasn&#39;t what you&#39;d strictly call bright, and he thought, given how much legal matters have to do with semantics, that as long as he didn&#39;t call himself a private investigator, but merely an agent of a privates investigator, he was safe. Sadly, however, Gary was not a rich man, so he was entirely wrong....

Gary settled himself into the broad bench seats of his &#39;72 Grand Torino as the latest crop of young recruits filed into UF&#39;s latest "sorority" house, a bag of take-out on one side, a thermos of cofee on the other, and an empty gallon milk jug for pissing in at the middle.

It was business as usual

But- and make no mistake Gary knew it- in Florida, the term "Business as Usual" is about as flexible as an 18 year old Catholic virgin on prom night.

So let&#39;s just say that when the guys with the shotguns drove up in a cattle truck and began unloading emus and herding them toward the door, Gary wasn&#39;t unduly perturbed...

He did, of course, screw the plastic lid down on his gallon piss-jug, stick the keys back in the ignition, pop a won-ton in his mouth, and promptly choke as he attempted to cackle in an appropriately "film noir" manner.

Hajib, who&#39;d been desperately working to be known as "Lenny" for obvious reasons even before 9-11, saw the emus coming through the front door out of one corner of his eye. Out of the other corner he saw the great flaccid toad which called itself, "Mr. Chamberson" ostentatiously slapping a hundred dollar bill done on the bar out of the other.

Hajib was not a fool. He was, however, a truly exceptional bartender. With one hand he palmed the hundred, with the other he blindly grabbed a bottle of cheap champagne off the back shelf. Before "Mr. Chamberson" could notice what he&#39;d been served- much less register that there were a herd of emus flocking through the front door- Hajib (AKA "Lenny")- was already down on his belly behind the bar and halfway to the emergency exit.

"Mr. Chamberson" was not a fool.

A great honking moron with 2 left feet and a sentient boil which sang "Ave Maria" at inoportune moments could get to be a Florida State Senator, but not a moron. And "Mr. Chamberson" had been a successful Florida State Senator for a long, long time.

Though that didn&#39;t make him as quick as the average bartender, it still made him quick enough to notice Lenny (AKA "Hajib" according to the FBI) hit the floor almost the same moment the champagne hit the bar.

"Mr. Chamberson" hadn&#39;t lasted as long as he had in politics without learning that, when it came to survival in emergencies, there was no difference between the rich and poor except it was better to be a rich man with a poor one on top of you.

Except of course in floods.

As the herd of emus and the guys with the serious expressions came through the front door, temporarily blinding everybody with a blast of early morning Florida sun, "Mr. Chamberson" made an off-the-cuff decision that this wasn&#39;t a flood situation.

Grabbing the bottle of cheap champagne more by middle-aged alchoholic instinct than intention, he vaulted (okay shlepped) himself over the bar just in time to flop clumsily yet somewhat miraculously with his face nose down in "Lenny&#39;s" retreating cheeks.

At which point both, in dramatically different physiological and psychological fashions, achieved a state of unconsciousness.... [/quote]
To be continued....

 

[memphis flyway]

So you brought me all the way to the edge I was OOOOHHHHH SOOOO close and then you just QUIT&#33; MEMPHIANS ........ go figure

 

[memphis flyway]

Getting closer to FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE&#33;&#33;&#33;

 

[memphis flyway]

where

 

[memphis flyway]

is

 

[memphis flyway]

the

 

[memphis flyway]

next

 

[memphis flyway]

page

 

[memphis flyway]

I

 

[memphis flyway]

want

 

[memphis flyway]

it

 

[memphis flyway]

this

 

[memphis flyway]

is

 

[memphis flyway]

taking

 

[memphis flyway]

too

 

[memphis flyway]

long

 

[memphis flyway]

I got it I got it yippee ........ now it&#39;s somebody elses turn to
shake their groove thang shake their groove thang YEA YEA :shakeit: :shakeit:

 

[Volstorm]

And the hits just keep coming.

 

[GIVEHIM-6]

I see Memphisvol and Jr. made peace of some sorts.Glad to see it guys. :good: :good: :good:

 

[GIVEHIM-6]

OK,IT&#39;S FOOTBALL TIME IN TENNESSEE AND JR.&#39;S LIFE LONG DREAM OF MAKING IT TO 100 PAGES BEFORE KICK-OFF JUST MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BLOW ITS WAD.

 

[GIVEHIM-6]

IT LOOKS LIKE OLE OTIS MIGHT HAVE TO PICK UP SOME SLACK HERE

 

[GIVEHIM-6]

MEMPHISVOL,I HAVE NOT READ YOUR STORY YET,BUT I&#39;M SURE THAT WHEN I DO IT WILL MAKE ME QUESTION YOUR SANITY AS WELL AS MINE FOR READING IT.

 

[GIVEHIM-6]

END OF FIRST-MISS 10-VANDY10

 

[volmanjr]

Hey Otis&#33;

 

[volmanjr]

MemphisVol And I are cool , anybody that can post pad like that :banghead: has my complete admiration and respect (though I think the is a book just studying his warped mind ) :good: