madtownvol
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- Nov 18, 2014
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At this point in the season (and let’s go back to last season), what is left to say or criticize? I mean really, we are in deja va all over again, Ground Hog day territory. The Forum has become completely redundant. We might as well shut it down till next year. In the interim, I will pull out my infallible Woolworth’s purchased crystal ball and tell everyone what will happen from here on out:
THE FUTURE
Coach jumper can be there tomorrow.
The LVs will pull it together just enough to make the NCAA tournament. Enthused and optimistic, Madtownvol will post that there is a very good chance that the team has found its stride; that its key players are ready to deliver big time performances and that the LVs will make a surprising run into the Final Four. MTV will be very, very wrong.
After a somewhat encouraging opening win in the first round of the NCAA, the LVs will show an inexplicable but predictable lack of effort and defensive intensity for some long stretch of the game leading to a resounding defeat in round two.
Teacherdean will make an extensive post explaining that Holly is not Pat. There will be widespread agreement among Volnation.
Aurabass will start a petition to build a time machine and go back to Holly’s childhood and strongly encourage her to pursue softball as her athletic career. Many will sign and Aurabass will earn 14 million dollars on his GOFUND ME page and will not be seen on Volnation again.
Coach Jumper will query if Aurabass’s time machine could help him get there tomorrow.
Madtownvol will argue in a related post that the LVs could have won the game had they not shot a negative percentage from the field and suggest, for this reason, that some fans are being too critical. The mass flaming in response will cause MTV's keyboard to explode in flames, tragically burning his fingertips and ending his career as a Volnation poster.
Sisaq will then post a series of words and letters using a malfunctioning google translator. Many will try to decode the post and all will fail.
In the post-game presser, several glum faced LVs will mumble that they just weren't ready to play; they did not follow the game plan; that they had been possessed by the devil; that they had been abducted by aliens and subjected to experiments which removed their shooting touch. However, they will promise to learn from this setback and improve by getting into the gym, seeing an exorcist, and not taking candy from Martians. Rennia will, in moment of deep desperation, take her first sip of mountain Dew and exclaim with new found energy and clarity of purpose, “this magic brew broke the sleeping spell that an evil witch put on me….” All thoughts will turn to Kim Mulkey.
In her press statement, Holly will then recount that the team "quick shot" the ball but sometimes "slow shot" the ball but never shot the ball "just right." A concerned assistant will whisper into Holly's ear, that this was a basketball game and not a skeet shooting contest. Holly will slap her forward in astonishment and say "NOW You tell me!"
Holly will further note that, on the bright side, her switch to a zone defense worked except for the 27 three point shots that the team gave up in the 3rd quarter and that next season, she will prove that you can "teach effort". No question will be asked if it might not also be a good idea for her to prove that she can teach viable offensive and defensive schemes.
Early to mid April:
After extended consultation and discussion with the UTAD, Coach Holly Warlick will decide that the time is right for her to pursue other opportunities after a long, rewarding, and successful career with the LVs basketball program. The UTAD will extend its sincerest appreciation for Holly's numerous contributions to the University and wish her the very best in her new pursuits.
THE FUTURE
Coach jumper can be there tomorrow.
The LVs will pull it together just enough to make the NCAA tournament. Enthused and optimistic, Madtownvol will post that there is a very good chance that the team has found its stride; that its key players are ready to deliver big time performances and that the LVs will make a surprising run into the Final Four. MTV will be very, very wrong.
After a somewhat encouraging opening win in the first round of the NCAA, the LVs will show an inexplicable but predictable lack of effort and defensive intensity for some long stretch of the game leading to a resounding defeat in round two.
Teacherdean will make an extensive post explaining that Holly is not Pat. There will be widespread agreement among Volnation.
Aurabass will start a petition to build a time machine and go back to Holly’s childhood and strongly encourage her to pursue softball as her athletic career. Many will sign and Aurabass will earn 14 million dollars on his GOFUND ME page and will not be seen on Volnation again.
Coach Jumper will query if Aurabass’s time machine could help him get there tomorrow.
Madtownvol will argue in a related post that the LVs could have won the game had they not shot a negative percentage from the field and suggest, for this reason, that some fans are being too critical. The mass flaming in response will cause MTV's keyboard to explode in flames, tragically burning his fingertips and ending his career as a Volnation poster.
Sisaq will then post a series of words and letters using a malfunctioning google translator. Many will try to decode the post and all will fail.
In the post-game presser, several glum faced LVs will mumble that they just weren't ready to play; they did not follow the game plan; that they had been possessed by the devil; that they had been abducted by aliens and subjected to experiments which removed their shooting touch. However, they will promise to learn from this setback and improve by getting into the gym, seeing an exorcist, and not taking candy from Martians. Rennia will, in moment of deep desperation, take her first sip of mountain Dew and exclaim with new found energy and clarity of purpose, “this magic brew broke the sleeping spell that an evil witch put on me….” All thoughts will turn to Kim Mulkey.
In her press statement, Holly will then recount that the team "quick shot" the ball but sometimes "slow shot" the ball but never shot the ball "just right." A concerned assistant will whisper into Holly's ear, that this was a basketball game and not a skeet shooting contest. Holly will slap her forward in astonishment and say "NOW You tell me!"
Holly will further note that, on the bright side, her switch to a zone defense worked except for the 27 three point shots that the team gave up in the 3rd quarter and that next season, she will prove that you can "teach effort". No question will be asked if it might not also be a good idea for her to prove that she can teach viable offensive and defensive schemes.
Early to mid April:
After extended consultation and discussion with the UTAD, Coach Holly Warlick will decide that the time is right for her to pursue other opportunities after a long, rewarding, and successful career with the LVs basketball program. The UTAD will extend its sincerest appreciation for Holly's numerous contributions to the University and wish her the very best in her new pursuits.
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