Orangeslice13, a blessing to those around him…..Again

#11,576
#11,576
Thinking of you Slice. I actually went today to start going back to therapy. My anxiety is definitely creeping back in and not having my mom during this move and transition was the first big thing without her and it hit me harder than I expected. Hope your session today opened up more doors and brought you more insight. You’ve got this
 
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#11,577
#11,577
volfanbill said:
Thinking of you Slice. I actually went today to start going back to therapy. My anxiety is definitely creeping back in and not having my mom during this move and transition was the first big thing without her and it hit me harder than I expected. Hope your session today opened up more doors and brought you more insight. You’ve got this
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Life is tough, wear a cup.

But seriously….. at the same time that I feel better than I have in a long time I realize you don’t unpack 40 years worth of crap in 6 months. Most days are good but the monster lives just below the surface. I don’t believe I’ll be demoted to once a month anytime soon and expect that this will be something I do for years. If I can just maintain this status quo then things will be ok. DrM thinks my willingness to go deep on everything means I will feel even better as time goes on. I just don’t see a time when that inner evil bastard ever goes away fully. And that’s ok too. I’m learning how to keep that in check and people who know me have noticed a difference.

I’m not exactly sure what that difference is but several people have mentioned it and not long ago the Red woman welcomed me back.

So onward we go.

Thanks for checking in.
 
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#11,579
#11,579
I’m angry…..so angry. DrM is a genius btw. It’s amazing how smart she is to be so young. I’m guessing she’s 35 at the absolute most probably 30. But the wisdom of this young woman is just amazing. She was highly recommended and wasn’t taking new clients when she agreed to see me. I was shocked by her age but it took me less than one secession to realize that age was just a number and why she’s so highly respected.

Here’s my problem. The people who have wronged me have no clue the damage they have done. At this point they still behave in a way that brings me anguish. I believe that they are not capable of changing their behavior and interestingly enough, I have no desire to confront them as I don’t wish to bring pain to them of blame them for my anger and anguish.
I’ve temporarily reduced contact so that my process might go unnoticed. The good Dr has made an excellent case for thier behavior being a result of their own trauma. At this point I’m feeling the anger without action attached to it. I’m processing the anger in meditation and determining or trying to determine what boundaries I can establish that will prevent further abuse while maintaining the relationship.
DrM has described a part of me that I created as a result of my traumas as “the monster”. What we’re trying to do is maintain that part of me….the part of the monster that makes me succeed and good…. While putting away the part of the monsters that attacks me.

So onward we go.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers form those of you who care. And for those that have been a victim of my monster, I hope you have enjoyed the meltdown. You probably deserve to enjoy the show

Shalom
 
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#11,580
#11,580
Orangeslice13 said:
I’m angry…..so angry. DrM is a genius btw. It’s amazing how smart she is to be so young. I’m guessing she’s 35 at the absolute most probably 30. But the wisdom of this young woman is just amazing. She was highly recommended and wasn’t taking new clients when she agreed to see me. I was shocked by her age but it took me less than one secession to realize that age was just a number and why she’s so highly respected.

Here’s my problem. The people who have wronged me have no clue the damage they have done. At this point they still behave in a way that brings me anguish. I believe that they are not capable of changing their behavior and interestingly enough, I have no desire to confront them as I don’t wish to bring pain to them of blame them for my anger and anguish.
I’ve temporarily reduced contact so that my process might go unnoticed. The good Dr has made an excellent case for thier behavior being a result of their own trauma. At this point I’m feeling the anger without action attached to it. I’m processing the anger in meditation and determining or trying to determine what boundaries I can establish that will prevent further abuse while maintaining the relationship.
DrM has described a part of me that I created as a result of my traumas as “the monster”. What we’re trying to do is maintain that part of me….the part of the monster that makes me succeed and good…. While putting away the part of the monsters that attacks me.

So onward we go.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers form those of you who care. And for those that have been a victim of my monster, I hope you have enjoyed the meltdown. You probably deserve to enjoy the show

Shalom
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Sadly, most people who are an anus do not even realize it nor do they realize the harm they do. I am not giving them a pass, but they just have no clue. Only the LORD can change the heart, and we must pray for that to happen.
Splitting the monster is hard. It is painful. For me, it meant killing myself and allowing new life. I do not recommend that method. Meeting my enemy in that way was terrifying, yet when I was yanked back from it, I realized that I did have hope. I had life. I was loved.
 
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#11,581
#11,581
superdave1984 said:
Sadly, most people who are an anus do not even realize it nor do they realize the harm they do. I am not giving them a pass, but they just have no clue. Only the LORD can change the heart, and we must pray for that to happen.
Splitting the monster is hard. It is painful. For me, it meant killing myself and allowing new life. I do not recommend that method. Meeting my enemy in that way was terrifying, yet when I was yanked back from it, I realized that I did have hope. I had life. I was loved.
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Then there’s the sad reality that in my pain I unknowingly and sometimes intentionally inflicted pain on others for no other reason than a false sense of relief at the joy of causing others to suffer.

Hurrah for growth and development.
 
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#11,582
#11,582
Orangeslice13 said:
Then there’s the sad reality that in my pain I unknowingly and sometimes intentionally inflicted pain on others for no other reason than a false sense of relief at the joy of causing others to suffer.

Hurrah for growth and development.
Click to expand...

I accept your apology for you mocking my shoes...
 
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#11,583
#11,583
Orangeslice13 said:
Then there’s the sad reality that in my pain I unknowingly and sometimes intentionally inflicted pain on others for no other reason than a false sense of relief at the joy of causing others to suffer.

Hurrah for growth and development.
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Despite the Coca-Cola commercial from the (?)70’s, there’s no such thing as people living in perpetual and perfect harmony with one another. All of us are going to cause occasional hurt to another, whether innocently, maliciously, or in response to the monsters that we all have inside us.

“Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” - applies to others AND to ourselves.

“Love one another as I have loved you” - you can’t fully love others if you don’t accept the Creator’s love (and forgiveness) for you.
 
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#11,584
#11,584
Orangeslice13 said:
I forgot to respond to this earlier. I apologize.
My inner voice is an evil bastard. I’m doing really well and have been for a couple weeks. That voice isn’t going away without a fight. I had one day last week when the “feeling” came around but that was short lived. I call it the feeling because I don’t know what else to call it. Some would say aghast or anxiety but that’s not quite it. Anyway now I’m being attacked by the inner evil for feeling better as quickly as I do. DrM is calling this a form of survivors guilt.
It seems like it’s always going to be something with that damn inner voice.

Thanks for your encouragement my friend
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Brother, you have had a successful life, a great family and an incredible wife. You should feel better. You DESERVE to feel better. The realization that you actually DESERVE to feel good about yourself is what has helped me in the past with similar issues. Not bad as yours but similar.
 
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#11,585
#11,585
volsforever27 said:
I do too but man he sounds like Kermit the frog.

What’s your opinion on Skinwalker Ranch?
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Orangeslice13 said:
I’ll watch if nothing else is on but I’m not as excited by the super natural as the history mysteries
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My niece knows that "astrophysicist" that basically runs that show. She says he is as cool as he is on the show but basically, it's a cash cow. She's a contractor at Redstone.
 
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#11,593
#11,593
Ritzwatch said:
as long as that keeps rotating in the right direction it should be fine. 9/10.
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There are several other problems. Including a cast iron toilet flange that was left when the toilet was relocated and whoever just put subfloor over it.
I can’t imagine how that’s a problem. Lol

Fortunately this is all in a crawl space that’s tall enough to stand in.
 
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#11,594
#11,594
Orangeslice13 said:
There are several other problems. Including a cast iron toilet flange that was left when the toilet was relocated and whoever just put subfloor over it.
I can’t imagine how that’s a problem. Lol

Fortunately this is all in a crawl space that’s tall enough to stand in.
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If you can stand up in it, it’s a dirt floor basement.
 
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