Orangeslice13, a blessing to those around him…..Again

#11,451
#11,451
superdave1984 said:
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Get dressed @Orangeslice13 , attack the day.
Click to expand...
The daemons come at night. By day I can take away the voice that tears me down with logic thinking. By night they run wild.
There’s a reason that I won’t discuss that I’m sitting under the judgment of the most high. His judgment is righteous and just. Should The G-d of my father’s and Messiah whom he sent decide my destruction is my fate…..I’d still serve Him and agree that my judgment is just. Having said that it occurs to me that a great man of G-d was once afflicted and cried out to the father. He was told that the Lords grace was sufficient and the affliction would remain.
If Grace was sufficient for Saul of Tarsus then who am I to complain.

Thanks for the prayers. The struggle is real but my salvation is at hand. Just around the corner. Maybe the next place I look.

Shalom
 
  • Like
Reactions: Vol since 77, CPA and superdave1984
#11,452
#11,452
So there’s this thing they like to do to you. It’s give you something to think about as you leave. It’s called doorknob knowledge. It’s designed to make you think about things coming up in the next session. If I’m doing this I’m going to be me. I watched the clock and with 2 minutes left I dropped a bomb on DrM. She said “ oh no you did not just doorknob confess me!!!”
 
  • Like
Reactions: ArdentVol, Wireless1, Vol since 77 and 2 others
#11,453
#11,453
Forgive me, I will spend some time incorporating “doorknob confession” into parody song lyrics.
 
#11,455
#11,455
When I have my morning coffee there is a crow that hangs out in a tree near by. He’s been around about a year. I talk to him sometimes and have named him Toby. I throw toast his way and once he caught it out of the air. Most of the time he just goes and gets it where it lands.
Today when the red woman was filling the bird feeders she found a crochet needle stuck in the feeder in the tea garden. The SIL told her it was a gift from Toby and to go wave it around and say thank you. She did that and Toby chirped too her.

I love animals. 74224631131__1AB675FA-01BE-49F2-9745-D95C634EEBDD.jpeg
 
  • Like
Reactions: ArdentVol, 82_VOL_83, bigorangewildcat and 7 others
#11,461
#11,461
I find myself in an interesting place this morning.
Strangely calm and at peace. I’ve come a long way since…….will call it the “ides of March” i don’t know if I’ll ever share what happened when that dam broke but to sit here now feeling as I do today knowing where I was 19 short weeks ago is unbelievable to me. It’s not lost on me that the idea of March occurred on the anniversary of my sobriety. I still feel the need to drink but that too has been diminished. I can say without a doubt, without the life long love of my incredible woman I’d likely be in jail or dead. She has always been immune from and able to tame the monster in me that lurks below the surface.
Trying to figure out how I’ve come this far this quickly…..knowing that I have a long way to go…..but ultimately happy because of this peace I didn’t truly believe possible…I have to ask myself why I’m starting to feel better. And honestly it’s pretty simple. Dr M is the freaking master at dropping ideas on you and letting you figure it out. I can’t say it enough, if you need help get it from a qualified professional who you connect with. Early on I picked up on little hints “you have never “grieved that”. Have you ever really “felt” that? Have you let that feeling “flow free” and I finally asked, what do you mean….how do I do that? Well DrM is not the answer chick. She the suggestion chick. She said “Dumbass…(I’m paraphrasing here)…..your feelings are yours. It’s up to you to understand and feel them. What does your soul need? You’ve answered that for me many times. What did you tell me was the beginning of peace?”
The answer is to be still and know that G-d is G-d. So I went there and pick a minor thing from my past. Some would call that meditation. But for me it was feeling the emotions, the pain I’d never allowed myself. Man that hurt. I have not cried since….i can remember. Let me tell you, I can cry now. The more I unpack, the better I feel. Thinking on those things I have now processed no longer bring anger and hatred but rather acceptance and peace. Simply feeling the past so that I no longer feel the pain of the past is the weirdest thing. It seems obvious now but it’s been very freeing for me.
It’s odd that I’m no longer desiring the hatred of people that hate me. It used to feed my emotions but I seem to no longer want it or even care about it.

In conclusion, Slice is weird. I should probably not be doing this so publicly, but I really pray that someone, anyone, gets some help from it and also gets the help they desperately need.

Shalom y’all
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: ArdentVol, NashVol11, malinoisvol and 8 others
#11,469
#11,469
Orangeslice13 said:
I find myself in an interesting place this morning.
Strangely calm and at peace. I’ve come a long way since…….will call it the “ides of March” i don’t know if I’ll ever share what happened when that dam broke but to sit here now feeling as I do today knowing where I was 19 short weeks ago is unbelievable to me. It’s not lost on me that the idea of March occurred on the anniversary of my sobriety. I still feel the need to drink but that too has been diminished. I can say without a doubt, without the life long love of my incredible woman I’d likely be in jail or dead. She has always been immune from and able to tame the monster in me that lurks below the surface.
Trying to figure out how I’ve come this far this quickly…..knowing that I have a long way to go…..but ultimately happy because of this peace I didn’t truly believe possible…I have to ask myself why I’m starting to feel better. And honestly it’s pretty simple. Dr M is the freaking master at dropping ideas on you and letting you figure it out. I can’t say it enough, if you need help get it from a qualified professional who you connect with. Early on I picked up on little hints “you have never “grieved that”. Have you ever really “felt” that? Have you let that feeling “flow free” and I finally asked, what do you mean….how do I do that? Well DrM is not the answer chick. She the suggestion chick. She said “Dumbass…(I’m paraphrasing here)…..your feelings are yours. It’s up to you to understand and feel them. What does your soul need? You’ve answered that for me many times. What did you tell me was the beginning of peace?”
The answer is to be still and know that G-d is G-d. So I went there and pick a minor thing from my past. Some would call that meditation. But for me it was feeling the emotions, the pain I’d never allowed myself. Man that hurt. I have not cried since….i can remember. Let me tell you, I can cry now. The more I unpack, the better I feel. Thinking on those things I have now processed no longer bring anger and hatred but rather acceptance and peace. Simply feeling the past so that I no longer feel the pain of the past is the weirdest thing. It seems obvious now but it’s been very freeing for me.
It’s odd that I’m no longer desiring the hatred of people that hate me. It used to feed my emotions but I seem to no longer want it or even care about it.

In conclusion, Slice is weird. I should probably not be doing this so publicly, but I really pray that someone, anyone, gets some help from it and also gets the help they desperately need.

Shalom y’all
Click to expand...
Not sure I have anything meaningful to add, but I grew up going to Alateen/Al-Anon and it always makes me so happy (not in a condescending “proud of you” way, more of a “that takes courage and I really admire you” way) when people are able to start working through things and feeling their feelings like that. It inspires me to do more of that work too
 
  • Like
Reactions: CPA, Orangeslice13 and VolNExile
#11,471
#11,471
NashVol11 said:
Good looking out, brother. I’ll try not to drop off the grid so abruptly
Click to expand...
I treated you badly.
Went after you personally.
I was wrong about you and you clearly handled it with class and have gotten past it.

I enjoy engaging in conversations with you. I appreciate your willingness to move past it and start over.

Anywho.
Don’t disappear. Ask @VolNExile, I expect certain people to be around when I need them. lol
 
  • Like
Reactions: Vol8188, NashVol11 and VolNExile
#11,474
#11,474
This mornings meditation and reading has brought some interesting thoughts. Basically “it’s all made up. Everything is bull ****” reading from Eccleasties 1. I’m going to ponder on this for a while then unload it on you fine people
 
#11,475
#11,475
Everything is vanity.

So sayeth Solomon.

So what does that mean really?

Everything is made up. It’s all fake. Nothing is real. We define ourselves by success or failure. Often those definitions are determined by someone else who gives no consideration to our existence. I ran a “successful” business. But was I successful? In March I was in so much pain that I sought to end the lives of the 2 people I blamed for my pain. When I discovered that they were both dead I considered that maybe I should be gone too. The meltdown was epic. My inner voice had always said I was trash. A failure. No success was ever good enough or would ever be good enough for the voice. It turns out that is made up too. If I make a list for the day and complete it, am I a success? If I don’t is that failure? Consider so of those we think of as great. Micheal Jackson. Nobody would argue that he was a failure. Did he ever know what peace was. I’d say he didn’t. I’ve been a state champion. I’ve been a business owner. I’ve won mma fights. But I’ve never known peace. I’ve faked it at times. There have been moments of joy. The Red Woman has been the loan bright spot in my life of darkness. Why is that? Why is my life shrouded in darkness? Because of something that was done to me 38 and 43 years ago? Isn’t that made up too? The reality is we only know of the past because someone remembers it. We tho we understand the ancient Egyptians because their monuments still stand but we don’t know them. Not on a personal level. Nobody remembers any of them on that personal level so did they even exist? The G-d of my father’s says that he will forget the unrighteous and remember nothing of them. If G-d forgets you then did you ever exist? I’d say you did not. So if the only thing that’s real is the “Now” then why should I waste my time on a made up illusion of success and failure?

I think that’s now is the time for peace. I think now is the time for happiness. I think now is the time to be grateful for all my blessings. And I think the now that follows this show be the same. And so should the “now” after that. My time will be best served in peace working towards the best possible “Nows” all of them, this one and the next.

And the one after that, should the G-d of my father’s bless me with them.


This has been deep thoughts with Slice. Now please STFU and kindly GTFO.



Shalom
 
  • Like
Reactions: ArdentVol, 82_VOL_83, NashVol11 and 2 others
New posts
You must log in or register to reply here.
Advertisement





Back
Top