OldTimer’s Dugout - General Topics, Chat, Random Photos and Memes.......No Politics

#137,304
#137,304
BruisedOrange said:
There's often a passive-aggressive motive for lateness. She could have had a drill sergeant father, or a mom who, for reasons that aren't great memories, had to get everyone up and out like a machine. So she may associate timeliness with all negatives.

For others, it's like ADD and getting lost in moments--a symptom of an unhealthy brain chemistry.

I'll add, there's a disturbing statistical correlation between habitual lateness that comes from ignoring the clock, and insanity in later life. I've known lots of people who would set their clock ahead several minutes in order to arrive on time. I knew one who, by her 60s, was setting her clock 60 minutes ahead! At that point, I think you're beginning to dissociate from reality.
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Relationship advice: invest in relationships that are truth-capable. If you have to hide, deceive, or lie to continue a relationship, you'd be better off alone.

Realize that by now, she's heard it all before about her tardiness.

So have an honest (but non-judgmental) conversation. But start it with I want to understand, not condemn. I like you, and I want to invest in this relationship. Help me understand your relationship with the clock, and the feelings you go through when you're supposed to be somewhere at a certain time. Help me understand what you experience.

Now, chances are, NOT thinking about it is how she got into this pattern. A lifestyle that avoids anxiety may be how she navigates life.

So she probably won't respond to your request with anything. If so, follow with "How important for you is it to have relationships of trust in your life? Is that near the top of your list?"

If her response is along the lines of "I value people who accept me as I am," and exhibits a sort of defiant independence... well, she's not yet relationship-capable. But if you come to that conclusion and realize you need to step away from her chaos, please do invest in her future as a person and take the time to explain why you're leaving.

Because someday she may want a real life, and if she doesn't heal, she's gonna get hooked up with a co-dependent who enables her dysfunction--which sounds okay... until children are brought into the home. I'd say invest in her now because another generation doesn't need to suffer, and the rest of the world won't enjoy dealing with them.
IMHO.

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So....you're saying you majored in psychology? 😂

Seriously, love the advice! Good stuff here, and points well taken.

Just a bit of background....we are both past the diaper changing phase of life...well, at least as far a kids are concerned. And...her father is a marine (long since out of the service) , and she hates her mother....and she has ADHD......so.....your post is really, really interesting. Gives me a lot to ponder.

Much appreciated @BruisedOrange
 
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#137,306
#137,306
TN Jed said:
Hey dugout.....quck-ish question for ya...since there's a lot of old, wise men here(maybe some ladies too)....what can I do about a gal that's perpetually late? Like , every time. Doesn't matter if it's a date with me, a doctor, nail appointment...whatever. drives me nuts. She's a sweetheart, and really good lookin', but it is driving me nuts. I'm at witts end.
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She's just trending up on the hot/late matrix line. Hot and on time would be sus.
 
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#137,313
#137,313
knoxvol52 said:
What's so terrific about VolNation is we have 67,994 Head Coaches...😂😂😂
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Give me Monica Abbott or Karlyn Pickens and I could do some damage. Not a lot of coaching involved with generational talent like that. It’s not rocket science in these game deciding situations. Pitch around their best hitters and live with whatever happens against the “others”.
 
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#137,318
#137,318
VolPack22 said:
Give me Monica Abbott or Karlyn Pickens and I could do some damage. Not a lot of coaching involved with generational talent like that. It’s not rocket science in these game deciding situations. Pitch around their best hitters and live with whatever happens against the “others”.
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Yeah the same could be said if you coached these guys.
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#137,319
#137,319
VolPack22 said:
Give me Monica Abbott or Karlyn Pickens and I could do some damage. Not a lot of coaching involved with generational talent like that. It’s not rocket science in these game deciding situations. Pitch around their best hitters and live with whatever happens against the “others”.
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Yeah,yeah yeah. We're all undefeated from the House as HC of the Vols...
 
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