Hawkeye Jokes
A Hawkeye fan, a Cyclone fan, and a Panther Fan are on a beach. They come across a lamp and have to share the three wishes.
The panther fan says I wish that Kurt Warner to be reveared as a hero in the football world (this was a few years ago.)
The genie says Granted!
The Hawkeye fan buts in and says I wish that a 100′ wall built around Iowa City to keep all of the cyclone fans out!
The genie says Granted!
The Cyclone fan says I wish that Iowa City gets a 100′ of rain today!
The genie says Granted!
*************
What do Cyclone fans and Hawkeye fans have in common?
Neither one went to the University of Iowa!
*************
First year English class for mens basketball students:
The professor asks, What comes right after a sentence? All in the class raise their hands and shout, the appeal!
*************
Hawks went 14-0 last year!
14 arrests 0 Convictions!
*************
What does the average Hawkeye get on his/her SAT?
Drool!
*************
Whats the difference between Kinnick Stadium and a porcupine?
On a porcupine all the pricks are on the outside
*************
Q. What do you call a crime ring in Iowa City?
A. A huddle!
*************
Q: How do you get to Iowa City from Ames?
A: You go east until you smell it and south until you step in it.
*************
A family of Iowa football supporters whom have no affiliation with the U of I what-so-ever head out to do some shopping. The son picks up an ISU jersey and tells his mother hes decided to become a Cyclone fan and wants this for Christmas. The mother, upset, whacks him on the head and says Go see your father! Off he goes with the ISU jersey in hand to find his dad. Dad, Ive decided Im going to be an Iowa State fan and want this jersey for Christmas. The father is outraged, whacks his son on the head and says, No son of mine will ever be seen in THAT! Then the father goes into a rant into the store marching up and down the aisles yelling Go Hawks to random people that come by. On their way home the father says I hope you learned something today. The son says yes, I have. What is it? his family replied. Ive only been a Cyclone fan for an hour and I already hate you Hawkeye idiots.
*************
Q. How many Iowa freshman football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None thats a sophomore level course.
*************
A Hawkeye football player was bragging to a group of girls that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in only 3 months.
One of the girls said, Youre proud that it took you *only* three months to finish that?
The Hawkeye player replied, Yup, it said 4-6 years on the box!
*************
Why doesnt the University of Iowa have a nativity scene on campus?
They can never find three wise men and a virgin
*************
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, Want to hear a good Iowa joke? The guy next to him replies, Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. Im 6′ tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Iowa grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6′ 2″ tall, weighs 225, and hes an Iowa grad. And the fella next to him is 6′ 5″ tall, weighs 250, and hes an Iowa grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke? The first guy says, No, not if Im gonna have to explain it three fing times.
*************
Knock Knock.
Whose there?
Iowa. Iowa Who?
Exactly.
*************
Iowa Basketball.
*************
Whats the difference between Adrian Clayborn and Iowa Basketball?
Answer: One of them says, Lets Be Mad Again and still cant beat anyone, and the other says, Lets Be Mad Again and punches a cabbie.
*************
If theres any crime being committed in Iowa City and the police are busy, the dispatcher just tells people to take down the jersey number so the cops can get to it later.
*************
What do you get with a row full of Hawkeye fans at Kinnick Stadium?
A: One full set of teeth!
*************
Whats the difference between the Skunk River and Kirk Ferentz?
Sometimes the Skunk doesnt break the banks.
*************
What is the one thing that happens to both conferences when Nebraska leaves the Big 12 for the Big 10?
An upgrade.
*************
A Panther fan, a Hawkeye fan, and a Cyclone fan go on an adventure to Egypt. While exploring a pyramid the find a magic cat statue that offers them each a wish.
The Panther fan wishes that the University of Iowa was located on the moon.
The Iowa fan, outraged that the Panther fan would do such a thing, wishes that the University of Northern Iowa was located on Mars.
The magic cat statue turns to the Cyclone fan and tells him to make his wish. Wanting to clarify, the cyclone fan asks the magic cat statue, So UNI is now on Mars and U of I is on the moon?
Yes, the cat replies.
Can I just have a coke?
*************
A young boy and his grandmother were paying respects to his grandfather at a local cemetery. The boy walked by a headstone that read Here lays a great Hawkeye football player and a role model to children everywhere. The little boy looked up to his grandmother and asked Grandma why did they bury two people in there?
*************
Two men get into a car accident trying to pass each other on a narrow bridge. They both get out of their respective cars and realize one is an Iowa fan and the other is an ISU fan. The ISU fan says to the Iowa fan, Lets be reasonable instead of letting our differences get in the way, how about we try to settle our dispute like grown men? The Iowa fan says, What a wonderful idea! The ISU fan says, in fact, how about we seal our new found understanding? to which he reaches into his trunk and pulls out a very large bottle of whiskey, opens it, and hands it to the Iowa fan. The Iowa fan says, Wow, what a misconception I always thought you ISU fans were awful people, but I couldnt have been more wrong! He tips his head back and proceeds to drink half the bottle of whiskey in one, long swig. He hands the bottle back to the ISU fan and says, Okay, now its your turn to seal this friendship. The ISU fan screws the cap back onto the bottle, tosses the bottle over the bridge, and says, Hmmmm. No thanks Ill just wait for the police to arrive.
*************
Due to recent developments in Iowa City, The Hawkeye football team has decided to follow the honor system.
Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
*************
What do you say to a Hawkeye in a suit and tie?
Will the defendant please rise?
*************
What is the difference between a Hawkeye fan and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy will quit whining!
*************
A kindergarten teacher explains to her class that she is an Iowa
Hawkeye. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Hawkeyes too.
No one really knows what a Hawkeye is, but wanting to be like their teacher
their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one
exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher
asks her why she has decided to be different.
Because Im not a Hawkeye.
Then, asks the teacher, what are you?
Why, Im a proud Iowa State Cyclone, boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen
why she is a Cyclone.
Well, my mom and dad are Cyclones, so Im a Cyclone too.
The teacher is now angry. Thats no reason, she says loudly. What if your
mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?
Then, says Kristen, Id be a Hawkeye.
*************
Why are the Hawkeyes like possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
*************
lol:
