The Grude News, the morning edition. For those just joining us...
Man, what a 24 hours it's been. From highs to lows and back to highs again. If a designer could mimic Volnation's emotions into a roller coaster, it'd be the greatest in the world. Gruden would call it "wild, man. Just wild."
And the Gruden threads were moving faster than his betting line. Kind of hard to keep up, but that's why you are reading this, right?
Speaking of keeping up, we have a request by some posters to limit the off topic talk in the thread so they can get updates instead of filtering through 500 posts of Daniela dancing, gifs, countless "Gruden to the Hill!" posts and discussing brake jobs on aircraft in Pensacola during the 60s.
But nah. That's what makes this thread so awesome.
Ron Swanson, highly respected poster, dropped a truth bombs in the RF yesterday with the whole "DeerPark doesn't know any more than the coaching search than I do" comment. I know DP has brought good info in the past, but so has RS. Conflicted! And you have DTO with his 100% comments from Saturday. It's quite a mess folks. Information is not coming out as we might expect.
However, there seems to be a lot more smoke surrounding this hunt at the moment since more and more sportswriters and talking heads are picking up the Grumors stories. Even Paul Finebaum set down his life sized Nick Saban yard gnome for a moment and commented the rumors might have merit. Grumors are starting to reach national level attention, but no denials from either the Man himself or UT Athletics.
And no news is good news on that front.
But, apparently Barrett Sallee thinks Dan Mullen will be the next coach at UT. Not long after doing that little segment, he ended up with all sorts of flaming paper bags on his porch. However, being as nice as UT fans are, they drew smiley faces on them first.
Sallee made a public statement afterwards he was in the market for a new pair of boots.
SmokeyHuntsGators learned how to correctly apply spoiler tags last night. And in doing so, masked the traditional "Soon!" she loves posting.
Not really a spoiler when we know the ending, girlfriend.
And PreacherWebb also giggled while vowing to use said tags in at least the next 500 or so posts.
It was determined Nagle isn't a very good drunk poster. Ape vows to give him lessons in clarity.
Actually, it seems like more than a few posters were imbibing last night. Which happened to include yours truly getting a wink from an intoxicated poster...don't know if it's a girl or a guy. Freak, we really need gender tags.
And I'm still waiting on that Volnation Guru tag like you promised. Okay, Volly promised, but she represents you by proxy, so cough it up.
Trolls continue to invade, continue to get put on ignore and continue to get at least 15 GTFO's per post. However, look for them to be first in line after Gruden is announced with "I believed it all along." Of course, Fade will be crying while stroking his Fathead poster of Dan Mullen, but he'll come around eventually. Not exactly news there, but that's what we call "B Roll" in this line of business. Get used to it or GTFO, trolls.
3 days and a wake up until Doyle's trash pick up. But even if he throws out his old Grudometer, he'll eventually get the upgraded model that goes to 11.
In other news today, rumor has it the Gruden clan is getting together to possibly discuss Jon's move back into coaching. VolNation Enterprises Division of Sneaky Folks and Learning Secret Stuff has been put into action to potentially put said meeting under surveillance. However, the first day of training didn't go so well as Coasty got cranky after not having his morning prune juice and went on emotional roller coaster rides. Faceless got distracted while running into radio stations yelling "we're infiltrating the Gruden's party! How cool is that? And did you see that hot guy out front by the way?" Power T Rev got in trouble with the instructors after yelling "GTFO!" at them. Also, training was paused while instructors attempted to find a translator, but ultimately figured out nobody else spoke Ape.
Ads for replacements will be sent out on Craigslist later today according to sources.
From the entire Volnation News Team, I'm Grand Vol and human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
(All information herein is specifically parody unless otherwise indicated by real posters or events)