Official Gruden Thread 39

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#4,002
#4,002
????

-Beaver
Hey @TonyBasilio, what do you think happens to the HOH if they take another one of their buddy Sexton’s C grade clients? #EmptyNeyland was a warning shot that can VERY quickly become a powerful movement. Currie and HOH know they can’t afford that risk.
 
#4,003
#4,003
patrick said:
Am I the only person who has noticed that we are virtually hearing nothing of substance from the media types regarding the coaching search? It appears that pretty much everyone in the media is doing nothing more than pure speculation regarding the prospective candidates who could our next head coach.

Other than our "insiders" (or those with some coaching search info) there really hasn't been any solid information; heck some of the media guys appear to be throwing out names from left field. It looks a lot like 50 beagle pups trying to track a rabbit running in 50 different directions!

Just my observations - I'm on this train for the long haul.

This OG is full Gruden!

SOON!
Click to expand...
No you aren’t the only one and I think this is a perfect analogy . It’s almost too purposeful .
 
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#4,013
#4,013
MarkVols said:
????

-Beaver
Hey @TonyBasilio, what do you think happens to the HOH if they take another one of their buddy Sexton’s C grade clients? #EmptyNeyland was a warning shot that can VERY quickly become a powerful movement. Currie and HOH know they can’t afford that risk.
Click to expand...
Empty Neyland a warning shot? It was a failure.
 
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#4,014
#4,014
The Grude News, the evening edition. For those just joining us...

https://m.popkey.co/e191c6/OX0yQ.gif


Well, it's been a while and I finally got caught up on sleep as well as other necessary stuff like...work. Such a four letter word that is. This is going to be kind of a long term catch up for a few posters. Anyway, I'm back for this segment and speaking of work...

Atlanta paid us a visit yesterday and got all kinds of people excited. And all kinds of people worried about the verbiage he used as well. Step away from the ledge, folks. He DID NOT say "he ain't coming" (not that Atlanta would stoop to using such pedestrian terms) or anything of the sorts. Various interpretations on his "we've got plan A, but I'm content with plan B as well" but was positive regardless. No sense in going crazy over the terms he used. If he's happy, we should be (reasonably) happy considering what he does for the University as well as the fans he's never met.

He also said the airplane tracking was going to end up being a foolhardy errand. Basically pulled a John Cena with a "You can't see me!" and said the planes that needed to be tracked couldn't be tracked and Currie flies commercial when on UT business as it is. However, airplane tracking is always entertaining. Especially when a random company has to put out a Tweet that says "we aren't carrying Gruden, folks."

In other news, Jon Reed was put on the TSA watch list for some odd reason. And approximately 1,300 VN members were put on the NSA watch list after a disturbing pattern of following certain flights spiked on their metadata collection.

Boro seems to be quiet as of late. An interesting quiet though. "I have no reason to think bad thoughts" paraphrased.

Though DTO thinks there will be an announcement this week. We can only hope.

Knuck decided to drop a bomb this morning and stated "Gruden passed on through his agent he wasn't interested." Mysteriously, a fire started in his house, vehicles and business within 30 seconds of hitting the submit button. He returned with a "psych" post in short order which the bonfire builders decided to let everything burn to teach him a lesson. He has apologized and we pitched in to help by raiding Salvation Army clothing drops and Goodwill stores and picked him up a complete new wardrobe of discarded UF Jim McElwain t-shirts and matching jorts.

For some reason Knuck wasn't thankful at all with our generous donation.

Lot of smoke otherwise on the Gruden front. Currie is allegedly heading to the Bahamas for the basketball tourney. Which prompts us all to think "perhaps he has his man and this is his subtle way of showing it." Of course, others screech about "how can he leave during this time?!?!?!" Calm down folks, don't bring them negative waves. You should be glad you aren't Hyams who got invited to the basketball tournament in the Virgin Islands.

In case anyone's wondering, there is no basketball tournament in the Virgin Islands. But don't tell Jimmy that. Jimmy, ignore that since I know you're reading VN. Of course, by the time you get around to reporting it, we very well could have a manned base on Mars... (I really want him to put that out there. Make me famous, Jimmy)

But speaking of tournaments, anyone posting about Mullen in the Gruden threads got an invitation to the basketball tournament in Kandahar with tickets personally delivered by Sara Clark with a cheerful smile on her face. Not sure what that's all about, but hey, take a break and go watch some basketball while we talk Gruden.

Yes, there really is a basketball tournament in Kandahar for you Mullen lovers. Pinky swear.

But anyway, speaking of Jimmy. I'm pretty sure RockyTopSC is going to pimp slap Jimmy Hyams when he sees him again. Or could be some random dude named Jimmy H. Might be best to avoid him if your name is James...

One of our regular upbeat posters, Volly, seemed a bit down this morning. We tried to cheer her up and it seemed to work pretty well when Faceless bought her a new party dress. She was even more thrilled when I advised Faceless to make sure it was a size 2. I got a friendly hug from Volly, but not before Hall Monitor UTVolinExile warned her to "behave with six inches of daylight, young lady" before sending us back to class. There technically were five and a half inches of daylight, but some folks are just sticklers for the rules...

Speaking of hall monitors, utvolpj came in laying the smack down earlier. Be wary of posting anything Mullen related around him. He will start handing out detention slips like they are tickets to a Mississippi State - Vandy game. It seems like the mods are taking turns like a WWE tag team match in having to keep up with the trolls.

Even Grand Poobah Hall Monitor Freak paid us a visit today after he got tired of making it rain with hundred dollar bills at the local...umm, charity event and laid the smack down on a poster. Freak is such a benevolent Poobah who graces us with his presence. Except that one guy. Kind of got his backside kicked by DA MAN himself.

HearForGrumors continues to be the voice of reason. Wrote a novel yesterday/last night, but well worth the read on his take on a great many things including Beaver, Atlanta and the search in general. And continues to be full on Grude.

Plane tracking went back into effect briefly despite the NSA snooping on individual laptops and tablets as one of the UT registered planes went to Starkville today. However, Orange&White did make mention of the obvious elephant in the room with "why, after being so secretive, would the UT Admin do something so blatant?" And in his level headed and rational response, many thought "thank you for that, O&W. We love you and will name our children after you for generations on end."

Little rusty at this folks...don't give me a hard time since we've had like at least four a bunch of Gruden threads since I posted an update. Truth be told, can't remember how long it's been. Anyway...

Apparently, some of our lady posters have given Gruden the option of having official UT Volunteer boobs or fake Hooter Girl boobs. Freak spent at least 37 minutes cleaning up the "worthless without pics!" comments that spiked in the immediate aftermath.

In other news today, the Grude 1 yacht laid anchor off the Bahamas this morning in a show of force for the men's basketball team playing in the Battle 4 Atlantis tournament going on. Helmsman Bearcat "accidentally" ran over the Maersk Alabama along the way, stating "****!" as the vessel was sent to the bottom after the crew had abandoned ship. Volnation Corporate spokesman OrangePill stated "no, it's just a coincidence the ship just happened to be named the Alabama. Nothing to see here, move along please." The entire French Navy surrendered after seeing the incident, however, VN crews were unable to take immediate possession of the ships due to them being on the other side of the Atlantic at the time of surrender. Freak is considering selling the ships back to them for the entire French Rivera which will be renamed "Grudenville" and used as a Spring Training area.

The Grude 1 yacht is due to set sail for the Cancun Challenge in support of the Lady Vols next. Mexican officials were hesitant to grant permission for the ship and her rowdy passenger list to anchor off the coast, but were quickly convinced it was "in their best interests" via Corporate Negotiator Ape who gave them the ultimatum "Plata O Plomo, fartboy". Mexican officials wisely gave VN negotiators all the silver they wanted.

From the entire Volnation News Team, I'm Grand Vol and this is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!




(All information herein is specifically parody unless otherwise indicated by real posters or events)







@GrandVol
Your GrudeNews keeps getting better and better. I always end up smiling by time I finish reading each chapter. I genuinely appreciate the time and effort you put into these, and I find my self looking forward to each edition! Please accept my thanks, and PLEASE continue this labor of love!

GBO!
 
#4,015
#4,015
The RF Football talk thread has almost turned into the Mehlen/Jimbo worship thread, I'm not a believer that Gruden is really coming like most of you guys, but this is the only thread that I don't have to read that puke covered garbage..
 
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