Often in the past we have been presented,
here on this goodly forum during Georgia week, thinly reasoned rambling portending to explicate why the present circumstances are favorable toward a positive outcome for our beloved Vols.
Since some visitors to these hallowed boards might conclude on the perusal of such crudely posited justifications that we are a fanbase both unreasonable and uncouth, this year I would like to elevate the conversation by presenting: numerous verities regarding an impending flogging of Georgia's posterior forthwith.
1. They are not unlike the torpid souls that languor and burn in the infernal hereafter.
2. Mark Richt is a person of remarkably limited intellectual capacity and he has endeavored to assemble a synod of coaches even more imbecilic and febrile of brain than a drooling lobotomite. The most elder Dooley would not incorporate any of these dullards within his organization, not even as a hydration specialist in a thirst alleviation capacity. In fact these motley fools would not be allowed to operate botanical height optimization machinery at Tennessee.
3. Their team is thoroughly lacking in both intestinal and testicular fortitude and many of them probably have endocrine imbalances that leave their bodies incapable of producing testosterone.
4.Their quarterback's naive and trembling inexperience is overshadowed only by his extreme lacking in vertical stature.
5.Their primary ball carriers are incomparably frangible and it is quite likely that medical aid will be required to triage their brittle and broken frames off the field of play.
6. Their defensive systems are infant in their execution and that unestimable gentleman, Pruitt, has failed to prove valuable in any capacity in any of his prior iterations.
7. Their secondary is ineffectual and they could not take possession of a forward pass if one was gently lobbed to them with a limpid and feathery trajectory. No other defense within our continental bounds will be as inept at removing possession from their opposing offensive units as these Hades-bound canines.
8. As has most often been the case, our team possesses far more natural alacrity for the game.
9. They are like prepubescent males who fear and tremble in awe at the prospect of the orange lingual glyph which adorns the sides of our protective helmets and all the rich connotations and memories of past glories conjured by said glyphs.
10. Their totemic avatar animal representative and appointed celebratory functionaries are severely lacking in pulchritude.
11. Their supporters are semi-illiterate dilettantes and Athens is a crude orifice gouged in the earth for the sole purpose of catching the feces of the imbeciles who inhabit its rancid air.
12. Tennessee is a superior political, geographical and cultural entity.
13. Coach Jones is a mental luminary and will use his superior intellect to transcend cognitively any definition of gridiron brilliance that Coach Richt could possibly deign to conceive.
14. Our young men are possessed with a greater facility for the game and they are able to persevere both mentally and physically long after the opponent begins to weep bitterly for even the slightest of mercies--mercies that will not be forthcoming.
15. We pilfered all potential enlistees most likely to aid them in their cause last year: Malone, Hurd and the Berrys. Due to their bitter losses in recruiting, these untempered effeminates find themselves embarrassingly emotional and with diminished confidence with regards to their stature.
16. Steve Stripling will undoubtedly prove to be the most superlative offensive obstruction disassembly violence instruction specialist who could possibly be employed in this context.
17. Our domesticated lupine ancestral mammal eclipses theirs and Rocky Top exudes a magnificence our opponent will find both alluring and terrifying as it is concusses their auditory ossicles with its violent beauty ad naseum for the duration of the competition.
18. Most importantly we always WHIP THEY ASS!!!
