New Poem

#1
VOLatile

VOLatile

BRB Pooping
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
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#1
Hey, all. I wrote a new poem tonight. Let me know what you guys think of it. Kinda super personal and I think it may be my best yet.




End Spawns Beginning ~Jeremiah Johnson


It's been two weeks since we shared in the moment,
Love, could it really have been?
I was convinced, set out for a ring.
No luck, but I heard the angels sing.

Two days later, on holiday,
You said goodbye, let's still be friends.
In rushed the pain, the sting.
You have stopped and lost all hearing.

Truth be told, I was surprised,
Caught off guard by lame excuses.
It'll be weeks before I heal.
Those long days pain and sadness are all I feel.

Something inside clicks, my chains break,
I change, personality darker but more inspired.
I've not eaten a meal.
I'm not sure, is it for real?

Then I get it, I've fallen again.
I see her, not the one from before.
She shoots me a grin,
Then does a little spin.

Cheery again, I've come to my own,
No more depression, no more sadness.
Now to make my move.
One last kick to buck the memories.
Click to expand...
 
#2
#2
I am no poetry scholar, but I do give you kudos for putting yourself out there artistically.

It got your emotions across to me, so I give it :thumbsup:
 
#3
#3
I teach high school English, if that gives me any credit. B+ easy. A+ for putting your poem on the net in a sports forum.
 
#4
#4
Thanks, guys.

"You must have thought it was just a fling." That line has been changed to "You have stopped and lost all hearing."

I've never really been too great at poetry, but I've written some stuff. I'm more of a visual arts kinda guy... drawing, digital media, stuff like that.
 
#5
#5
I enjoyed the poem, but I'm not much on analyzing poetry.

however, I can't help but think of this

(in my best john madden impression and I hope at least someone gets this)

"hey bret, I wrote you a poem!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I might like football
but I love you."
 
#6
#6
You left me here to drink my beer
I now wallow in my sorrow
But after I take your sister out
I will feel much better tomorrow
 
#8
#8
My cat has no head
so he lays there all dead
and without his feet
he's so incomplete
that's why I named him Fred

Publish that.I made it up in less than a minute.


All kiddin aside that was a good poem VOLatile.
 
#9
#9
Lexvol said:
You left me here to drink my beer
I now wallow in my sorrow
But after I take your sister out
I will feel much better tomorrow
Click to expand...

Wow... that's inspirational, I wish her sister was hot.

EDIT: And of legal age...
 
#11
#11
Nice job, especially with the bravery of shooting it out there. You're talking from the other end of the forum from where Old Hank does, funny to read a poem about love that doesnt make me want to put down a quart of Bourbon....as for the poetry part, i am not one to ask, "The Concord Hymn" is the only poem i can recite from memory, so i'm an expert by no means
 
#13
#13
It's easy to sense this poem is inspired by a genuine feeling, and that's always the best kind. Great job, VOLatile! :salute:
 
#14
#14
Thanks, more! Apparently my ex didn't like it too much... it was dedicated to her AND my new love interest. LMAO.
 
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