New Game

#201
#201
Day in, day out, it's always the same: you wake up, you open your window, you attach the bands of the giant slingshot to either side of the frame, you let out the cat, you close the window. Just once I'd like to start the day with something a little different.
 
#203
#203
"Was there ever!" little Susie exclaimed as she screwed the cap on another pipe bomb. I mean, you'd think the average 4th grade teacher would be a little calmer about a few innocent garbage sacks of raw sewage dumped down her chimney, but ooooooh nooooo, all of a sudden I'm down at juvenile hall for the weekend playing 'I've got herpes' with a 200 bulldog name Chrissy who was apparently an East German swimmer in another life... Was there any fallout! Sheesh!"
 
#204
#204
"Sheesh got no bishnesh coming into my houshe and making fun of the way I shpeak! Thish ish my party, and I want her gone!!" So, reluctantly, her husband politely asked Joan Rivers to leave.
 
#205
#205
Agnes felt that the officers had been entirely insensitive to the difference between "kicking Joan Rivers down the driveway" and "kicking Joan Rivers, who THEREUPON cartwheeled spastically down the driveway, into the street, and became forcibly adhered to the grill of a passing security vehicle". Authority was entirely wasted upon some people.

 
#207
#207
"CRAZY is as crazy does." It is a little known fact, but this actually is the way the script of Forrest Gump read, before Tom Hanks(hung over from a night's carousing) ad-libbed his way through this scene before the cameras.
 
#208
#208
Cameras have caught Jack Nichlaus (sp?) saying "go sell crazy somewhere else cuz we are all stocked up here!!!"
 
#210
#210
What you are referring to, is the inescapable fact that when MemphisVol puts his "Far Side"-esque flare for fiction to work on a thread that asks its participants to tap into the creative side of their psyche well.....
Strange things tend to happen!
 
#219
#219
Down the wages go for the common American, we must revolt against the government and establish a new government based on Marxism!

*Just for the record I do not believe that I just want to see someone come up with something for Marxism.
 
#220
#220
Marxism is one of those words that kill threads like this one in a heartbeat.


(Best I could come up with..lol)
 
#221
#221
"Heartbeat of the Nation" editor John Ian Fitzwilliam was arrested early this morning in the gibbon house of the Baltimore Zoo. Sources in the prosecutors office indicate, however, that there is some confusion over the exact nature of the charges but that they are leaning toward "animal cruelty". Mr. Fitzwilliam was found early this morning by a janitorial crew member who stated that he was seated in a full lotus position, wearing only a purple shag fur thong and a bullwinkle mask, and making obscure gestures at a jello mold. The gibbons were reportedly cowering near the cieling. "Shaking and rolling their eyes and trying to claw their way out they was," claimed Geoffrey Chaucer (no relation), a student exchange worker from the Glasgow zoo. Upon closer questioning, Mr. Chaucer finally conceded, "Lime, with fruit cocktail and those little marshmallows."
 
#223
#223
Campfire Girls, USA President Myra Goldfinch almost single-handed brought the century-old organization down in 1973 with her ill-advised, "Come Help Us Make One Today!" promotional campaign.
 
#224
#224
Campaign speeches are usually quite dull but when Ralph Peebodi ended his with the words, "I'll only lie once a day in Washington", the Tuscaloosa Daily Gazette ran a full page story on their home town boy's bid for Congress.
 
#225
#225
Congress is a mystery to me. So much money. So much responsibility. So little legislation that actually benefits anyone who truly is in need of governmental action.
 
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