Man logic

#1
superdave1984

superdave1984

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#1
Got this one in the email.



I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with their heart.


FOR EXAMPLE:


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.'


I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every
boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...


'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that
nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping
at a big, big unnamed department store.


I walked around with her while she tried on several different very
expensive outfits


She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them
all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let’s
get a pair for each outfit.'


We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.


She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to
think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.


I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.


Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'


I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel
like it.'


Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love
me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch
knows I'm smarter than her.
Click to expand...
 
#5
#5
Very nice.

I heard a genie joke the other day:

I guy happens across a stranger with a whiskey bottle and asks him for a light. The stranger pulls out the biggest lighter he had ever seen. When asked where he got it, the man replied, "From the Genie that lives in my Whiskey bottle".

The man asks the stranger, "Can I see the genie?"

"Sure", the stranger replied.

The man took the bottle, opened it and the genie appeared. (It was and old genie).

"Thank you for letting me out of the bottle, now I will grant you one wish", the genie said in a feeble voice.

The man said, "I will take a million bucks!"

And just then 1,000,000 ducks appeared in the sky above them.

Realizing what had happened the man turned to the stranger angrily saying, "I said bucks....BUCKS" in a loud voice.

To which the stranger replied, "I know what you mean. Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?"
 
#10
#10
Lexvol said:
Very nice.

I heard a genie joke the other day:

I guy happens across a stranger with a whiskey bottle and asks him for a light. The stranger pulls out the biggest lighter he had ever seen. When asked where he got it, the man replied, "From the Genie that lives in my Whiskey bottle".

The man asks the stranger, "Can I see the genie?"

"Sure", the stranger replied.

The man took the bottle, opened it and the genie appeared. (It was and old genie).

"Thank you for letting me out of the bottle, now I will grant you one wish", the genie said in a feeble voice.

The man said, "I will take a million bucks!"

And just then 1,000,000 ducks appeared in the sky above them.

Realizing what had happened the man turned to the stranger angrily saying, "I said bucks....BUCKS" in a loud voice.

To which the stranger replied, "I know what you mean. Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?"
Click to expand...

this was pretty good.
 
#11
#11
I posted it somewhere else on here, but a joke similar to Lex's:

A guy walks into a bar with a one foot man sitting on his shoulder. He ordered a beer. The bartender was curious as he got the beer for the guy, but as he put the beer down on the bar, before the guy could reach it, the little man lept off his shoulder and picked up the beer and dumped it in the guys lap. The guy sighs and asks for a shot of whisky. As soon as the glass hits the bar, the little man threw the drink in the guys face and smashed the shot glass against the wall. "I have to know.... where did you get that guy?" "Well... I'll tell you... I was walking on the beach, saw a brass lamp, rubbed it, and a geenie came out. He said I could have one wish. I asked for a twelve inch prick and this is what I got..."
 
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