An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of naughty stuff they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be $100 for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be $150 for the ride here and back."
They've hired a new waitress at the coffee shop on north Monroe. She's a robot. A man walked in and she greeted him at the door. Dinner for one? Yes he replied. She said, tell me sir, what is your IQ? 150 he said. So they talked for a few minutes about global current events. She said excuse me for a minute as another man came in. Dinner for one? Yes the man replied. Tell me she said, what is your IQ? The man said 120. So they sat for a few minutes talking about the possibility of a comet striking the earth and other natural disasters. Another man came in the restaurant and she greeting him at the door. Dinner for one she asks? Yes, replied the man. If you don't mind sir, would you tell me your IQ? 50 the man said. To which the robot replied, GO Gators!
Why do graduates of the University of Alabama put their diplomas on the dashboard of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spots.
What did the Alabama football player get on his final exam?
Why can't you give an Alabama graduate a break at work?
Anything longer than 5 minutes and you have to re-train them.
Boy from Alabama meets a girl from Alabama, they fall in love and get married. Boy calls his dad from the honeymoon and exclaims "Dad, she's a virgin, what do I do??" Dad replies, "you gotta divorce her, son." Son's incredulous and asks "Why??", dad responds "if she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Boy from Alabama meets a girl from Alabama, they fall in love and get married. Prior to the honeymoon, boy tells dad "I've never been with a girl before, what do I do when it happens?". Dad responds "oh, simple. Just put your face where she goes to the bathroom, and everything'll be just fine.". Boy calls back from the honeymoon and says "I got my head in her toilet, Dad....what now??"