How SEC coaches SHOULD be ranked.....


Chat_Town VOL

Well-Known Member
Aug 29, 2006
1. Steve Spurrier, South Carolina. Let’s face it; Darth Visor is the coach the all SEC coaches should be measured by. This little come back to college coaching that is his current debacle at USuCk not with standing. I liken this to MJ’s multiple comebacks to basketball, sure it isn’t pretty but that doesn’t undo the greatness he achieved in his prime. And we all know USCrackolina is cursed for some reason when it comes to football. I say it is the arrogance of the cock (giggle) nation that does them in with the gods of irony. Also he won the big dance and six SEC Championships. All hail the king of the one liner!


2. Phillip Fulmer, Tennessee. What can you say about the fat boy in the group? Sure no one wants to pick the fat kid for the kickball team but you can’t deny that with all that body mass behind his leg he can kick home runs. He is the snake to Spurrier’s mongoose or the mongoose to his snake……………….either way it’s bad, I don’t know animals. Spurrier has taken big boys lunch money so many times it’s not even funny. But Jabba the coach has proven he is a winner with the highest winning percentage among active coaches with a body lipid percentage above 90, has 2 SEC crowns and won it all in 98 going 13-0. And if you argue with him he will throw you in chains and make you dance for his pleasure!


3. Urban Meyer, Florida. I hate this little snob of a “football coach”. Who the crap cries after loosing a game?! Seriously! Even though pansy boy may be a raging queer of a man unfortunately he is also a winner. Honestly, when he came into the SEC I didn’t think he would do much but in his first few years he has won the SEC and a National title. His back yard misdirection crap actually works out for him. Who knows for how long but currently his is an innovator in a conference that is straight old school. But still for all his achievements, SCREW HIM!


4. Nick Saban, Alabama. He lies, he cheats, he lies and of coarse he lies. I know what you are saying, “yeah but so does every other coach on this list”. But lets be honest he is the king of telling a whopper! He bent the entire Dolphins organization over his knee and dry loved them with a broom handle. This guy is all about the coin and I respect him for that. He is brash he is arrogant and hell has a deluxe condo reserved especially for him. Throw all of that into the fact that he coaches at the school that invented lying and cheating and he might be the antichrist. But what has that lying and cheating got him? 2 SEC titles as well as a BSC title so give the Devil his due respect.


5. Les Miles, LSU. Ah and we come to “The Hat”, good old Lester Miles. Possibly the stupidest person to command a SEC football team since Lou Holts. Can a guy get any luckier than this cock gobbler? I mean he has a mediocre career at OkSU and since all the prospective coaches are hired else where LSU has to settle for him. And with the collection of talent this dick fell ass backwards into he has actually under achieved on many occasions. Still an SEC title and a national title get him in the top five. Don’t look for him to stay long smell corn dogs?


6. Tommy Tuberville, Auburn. No one likes him outside of Auburn but be careful what you say. He can hear you with those satellite dishes he calls ears located on either side of his smirky little face. He whines and bitches all game long, even when his team is blowing the other out. But his teams are consistent winners and he did everything asked of him by going undefeated while winning the SEC and getting shunned for the title game. And I LOVED IT, SCREW HIM!


7. Mark Richt, Georgia. Well spoken, gorgeous, evangelical, tan, smooth buttery skinned, I could go on and on but I won’t. This handsome hunk of southern man meat should be ranked in the top three coaches; he is smart he is an excellent motivator and above all a winner. The only thing that keeps him from the top billing is his lack of national title. His teams have been close on many occasions but have always choked it in one way or another. The only reason ears is above him is that undefeated run AU made. I do think Helen errrrr Richt will get his national title but until then he will have to be happy with his three SEC titles.


The rest of these clowns you could jumble in any order for various reasons so I’ll be brief with them.

8. Houston Nutt, Ole Miss. Crazy ass that wins when he shouldn’t and loses when he is favored. But a good coach.


9. Rich Brooks, Kentucky. Makes the most of what he has and sometimes overachieves.

10. Bobby Johnson, Vanderbilt. He coaches Vandy, what the hell do you want!?

11. Sylvester Croom, Mississippi State. If this guy went to a school with talent he could do great things. As it stands he is a Miss. St. and well. SCREW THAT!

12. Bobby Petrino, Arkansas. Coach a game in the SEC, then we will talk.
Fulmer as high as #2? Exactly seven people in the world think that he is in the top tier and two of them are Fulmer and his wife. You are one of the five others.

The rest of the sane world knows better.

But, the attempt at humor I appreciate. Some good photos.
I believe that after this coming year you could move Croom up a place on that list, considering what he inherited.
darth visor, fat, crier, liar, ears, the hat, Helen Hunt, etc.

Someone needs new material
There is no way Fulmer is the second best coach in the SEC, and he isn't better than Meyer.
My top 3 would be (in no particular order) Spurrier, Meyer, and Saban.

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