It's hard as a guy, not meaning that to downplay what women go through at all. I just know more women who will talk about things, vs men who will. We feel like we're going to show weakness if we do, I've been there, especially when I almost lost my wife. I didn't want her, the kids, church people, or coworkers to think I was weak. I didn't want to talk about how scared I was, but my best friend would call me every night, literally. He'd just tell me he was there, and he loved me. I know that's weird to most guys, and I only replied with I appreciate it for a bit. He kept on, and I finally just let it out, and it sincerely felt relieving to tell him how scared I was. I posted about it here, but it's different when you really open up to someone in person, phone, etc, about how you're really feeling.
I feel ya on this I battled thru some bad depression last year went thru a bad divorce lost my world and lost my job then was in a bad wreck and was laid up with back issues for a couple of months. Everything hit me at once and for the first time in my life I felt suicidal but I reconnected with certain things in life that I used to enjoy like hiking and fishing which helped I went to a therapist and that really helped along with reconnecting with my parents. I prayed alot. I’m not extremely religious but I do believe in prayer. I did switch mood medications which probaly helped the most but those are some things that helped me get thru the toughest part of my life so far. And yes I know it’s just a sport but Tennessee football having their best season last year in many years helped me too get thru the depression.
I don't know if the unknown health thing is necessarily making me anxious in the classical sense. Its just something that nags at me, as I have learned to cope with my issues by attacking them straight on. With this being an unknown there isn't anything for me to do. so I guess subconsciously I am worried I will slip back into the worst parts of my depression where I didn't address my issues.
for me, and I think a lot of guys, its that we were taught/raised/socially pressured to never be a burden on others. We are supposed to be the strong ones, we aren't "supposed" to have feelings. In my family I am the oldest, and only boy, so I was always held up as an example to my younger sisters, so I needed to "perfect" for them. that was almost explicitly noted as not telling them about my failures or issues as that could set them on the wrong path.
Definite thoughts and prayers to both of you.
I get the stigma thing, I sincerely do. That said, we're so guilty of it, trying to be tough, that our minds don't understand what true strength is. The weekend we almost lost my wife, (long story, but she almost died, and they were going to have to put her to sleep again and that's what almost killed her. She was septic, and too weak for it), I had to sit my kids down and tell them their momma probably wasn't going to make it. Thank God she did (another long story), but man, that was the hardest thing I've ever done. It took every bit of strength I had to look my kids in the eye, and tell them we were probably losing her. I knew I'd cry, I knew they'd cry, and it was so hard. Before that, I thought I was tough because of things we think of as tough, but that was hard.
Very true, we try to tough it out also because no matter how bad we have it we know someone who has it worse. If they can handle what they have "we have no room to complain". Hell my life is a bottomless **** show right now add in 23 years of absolute burnout/ptsd (ish) feeling from emergency services, but I've never had to have your type of conversation with my son. I pray to God I never do, cause I don't know that I could. That's just a whole other level of bad. I'm happy for you that she made it through it.
I am glad you didn't go through with it and found something that worked for you.
