Have a little humor

#1
slimjim85vols

slimjim85vols

ALL VOL!
Joined
Mar 22, 2009
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#1
Alright give good jokes and stories. We all love our Vols so lets quit being down all the time... here is my story.


A man is sitting at the top of Neyland watching the Vols on a bright, sunny Saturday. He looks down Neyland Dr. and sees a funeral pass by. He looks at the man beside him and says,"She was a wonderful woman." The man says,"You knew her?" He says yup, for 50 years... but we were married for the last 45!

GBO!
 
#2
#2
also- A recruit takes a visit to Gainesville. While in Meyers office he sees a golden phone. He asks Urban what it is for, and is told that its a direct line to heaven but will cost $100 to use, to which the recruit passes.

Next he visits Saban in Bama, where he sees the same golden phone, he asks and Saban tells him its a direct line to heaven but will cost $50 to use, to which the recruit passes.

Finally the recruit visits Dooley in Knoxville. The recruit sees the same golden phone again. Dooley tells him its a direct line to heaven and to go ahead and use it b/c its free. The recruit baffled says coach, Urban told me it was $100 to use the phone, and Saban told me it was $50... why is yours free? Dooley looks at the young man and says,"Because here in Knoxville son, its a local call!"
 
#4
#4
slimjim85vols said:
also- A recruit takes a visit to Gainesville. While in Meyers office he sees a golden phone. He asks Urban what it is for, and is told that its a direct line to heaven but will cost $100 to use, to which the recruit passes.

Next he visits Saban in Bama, where he sees the same golden phone, he asks and Saban tells him its a direct line to heaven but will cost $50 to use, to which the recruit passes.

Finally the recruit visits Dooley in Knoxville. The recruit sees the same golden phone again. Dooley tells him its a direct line to heaven and to go ahead and use it b/c its free. The recruit baffled says coach, Urban told me it was $100 to use the phone, and Saban told me it was $50... why is yours free? Dooley looks at the young man and says,"Because here in Knoxville son, its a local call!"
Click to expand...

:)

Exceptional.
 
#5
#5
Three quarterbacks from Arkansas, Alabama,, and Tennessee are walking together as they stumbled upon an old lamp. One picked up the lamp and a genie appearred. he said since there's three of you you each get one wish. The Arkansas QB wished for rich fertile farmland for the rest of his life so it happened. The Alabama Qb wished for a wall to be built around the the state of Alabama so that everyone who played for the Tide had to be from Alabama so that happened. The genie asks the Tennessee QB what he wanted. the QB asks "so there's a wall now around the entire state of Alabama?" the genie say yes. "Fill it up with water"l
 
#6
#6
orange addict said:
Three quarterbacks from Arkansas, Alabama,, and Tennessee are walking together as they stumbled upon an old lamp. One picked up the lamp and a genie appearred. he said since there's three of you you each get one wish. The Arkansas QB wished for rich fertile farmland for the rest of his life so it happened. The Alabama Qb wished for a wall to be built around the the state of Alabama so that everyone who played for the Tide had to be from Alabama so that happened. The genie asks the Tennessee QB what he wanted. the QB asks "so there's a wall now around the entire state of Alabama?" the genie say yes. "Fill it up with water"l
Click to expand...

hialrious!!!!
 
#10
#10
How many Alabama players does it take to change a light bulb?


The whole team... because 1 holds the bulb, and the rest spin the trailer!
 
#11
#11
What is the difference between an Alabama divorce, and an Alabama tornado?


I don't know, but either way someone is losing a trailer.
 
#12
#12
Two Alabama boys walking down the road sees a sign that reads Silacuaga 28, Auburn 14, one said to the other, damn, we got beat again.
 
#13
#13
Albert Einstein went to a party and asked people their I.Q. ....he asked this guy and the guy said,"120". Einstein said, "great, we can talk about nuclear fission". then he asked this girl and she said,"110" and he said "great, we can talk about the angle of the worlds axis." and finally he went up to this guy and the guy said,"51" and einstein said,"how bout them gators!"
 
#16
#16
What's the difference between Bryant-Denny stadium and a porcupine?

A porcupine has 92,000 pricks on the outside.
Posted via VolNation Mobile
 
#18
#18
slimjim85vols said:
How many Alabama players does it take to change a light bulb?


The whole team... because 1 holds the bulb, and the rest spin the trailer!
Click to expand...


I've heard a different ending.

The answer is 3. 1 to hold the ladder, 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 1 to talk about how great the old light bulb was....
 
#19
#19
Quote:
Originally Posted by slimjim85vols
How many Alabama players does it take to change a light bulb?

The whole team... because 1 holds the bulb, and the rest spin the trailer!

I've heard a different ending.

The answer is 3. 1 to hold the ladder, 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 1 to talk about how great the old light bulb was....
Click to expand...

I heard this answer: It only takes one but he gets six hours credit for it.
 
#20
#20
off topic but i'm bored.

This guy is about to get married... it's all but set. Only problem is, his fiancee's little sister is BEAUTIFUL. He's always had some fantasies about her and finally laid them to rest. The night before the wedding he goes over to the family's home, and it is just the sister. Laying on the couch, she tries to seduce him and says "If you want me, i'm yours all night. I'll be upstairs."
He immediately RUNS out of the house... only to find his fiancee and the parents clapping and thanking him.
There is a lesson to be learned here:
Always keep your condoms in the car.
 
#21
#21
What do you have if you can get the entire Alabama women's cheerleading squad in the same room?




An entire set of teeth... :)
 
#22
#22
How can you tell if an Arkansas football player has a girlfriend?




There's a can of chew & spit on both sides of the pickup truck. :)
 
#23
#23
Did you hear about the Florida Gator fan who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?



She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
 
#24
#24
One more, then it's nite nite time.


Four SEC fans go rock climbing on a sunny afternoon, a Georgia fan, an Alabama fan, a Florida fan, and a Tennessee fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan. They came to a beautiful overlooking cliff about 750 feet from the bottom.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Georgia fan proclaimed to the other four... "To show you all how big of a die-hard fan I am, I would give my life for the Dawgs!" He then screamed, "This is for the Georgia Bulldogs!" and promptly threw himself off the cliff as a form of sacrifice.

Not to be outdone by a Georgia fan, the Alabama fan jumped up and said..."I've been through thick and thin with my team, and I'll not be outdone by a Georgia fan!" The man shouted, "This is for the Alabama Crimson Tide!" and then threw himself off the mountain again as a form of sacrifice.

Refusing to be outdone by the UGA and Bama fans, the Tennessee fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "I WILL GIVE MY ALL FOR TENNESSEE TODAY!!!" and then pushed the Florida fan off the edge of the cliff.







:lolabove:
 
#25
#25
Dbake005 said:
off topic but i'm bored.

This guy is about to get married... it's all but set. Only problem is, his fiancee's little sister is BEAUTIFUL. He's always had some fantasies about her and finally laid them to rest. The night before the wedding he goes over to the family's home, and it is just the sister. Laying on the couch, she tries to seduce him and says "If you want me, i'm yours all night. I'll be upstairs."
He immediately RUNS out of the house... only to find his fiancee and the parents clapping and thanking him.
There is a lesson to be learned here:
Always keep your condoms in the car.
Click to expand...

So, you saw the banned trojan commercial as well?

YouTube - Trojan Condoms - Always keep Trojan in your car
 
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