Give me some ammo - BAMMER JOKES

#51
#51
Long, long ago, some Tennessee, Georgia, Auburn and Alabama fans decided that black-and-white school colors were a bit too dull. So they called upon God to give them colors that would truly represent them. First, the Georgia fans stood before God and asked for their school colors.
God said, "I see a field of fertile black soil...from which will grow a beautiful field of red roses. Georgia will be black and red. Second were the Auburn fans. God said "I see a wondrous sky of blue with a shining orange sun. You may have the colors of blue and orange."

Then the Tennessee fans stepped before God. God said, as he patted his favorite sons on the head, "When I see my beautiful Tennessee, I see a glorious bright orange shining sun coming up over puffy white clouds. You, my favorite sons, shall have the colors of orange and white. God then turned to the Alabama fans and said quite hastily, "Your colors are definitely going to be crimson and white."

Later, after the fans had left, St. Peter came to God and said, "Lord, as you handed out each fan's colors, you explained their origin - for all but the Alabama fans. I'm curious. Why crimson and white? What do you see when you think of Alabama?"

"I see the same thing as you see," God replied, "white trash and rednecks."
 
#52
#52
What are the most famous words ever spoken from a Bama grad?
'' Would you like fries with that"

Most famous Bama Grad- Forrest Gump.
 
#53
#53
After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own house up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. UT flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge UT banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Phil gets a mansion with UT banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not Phil's house. That's mine." :rock:
 
#54
#54
Fulmer was in Tuscaloosa visiting with Mike Shula. Wile he was there Phil told mIke he needed to make a phone call to Heaven. Mike told him to use his phone. Philtalked for a long time and finally hung up. He apologized to Mike for the length of the call and offered to pay for the long distance charges. Mike said: "Well, just give me $50.00 and we'll forget any difference. Phil said OK.
A month passed and Mike had occasion to visit Phil in Knoxville. While he was there he asked Phil to use his phone to make a call to Heaven. Phil said ok. Mike said:"Oh, before I call, here's $50.00 to cover the long distance charges." Phils say:"Ah, don't worry about it, Mike. Up here it's a local call."
 
#55
#55
Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q. Do you know why Alabama students can't have Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day?
A. It's too hard on the mule!

Mom: Only 2 more minutes until the New Year!
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Son: But Dad, you're going to miss the ball drop....
Dad: Hey Son, I've seen it plenty of times..I'm an Alabama fan you know!!
 
#59
#59
Bama offensive tackle showed his Fall transcript to the coach. Coach said "son, what's the problem here? You got 5 F's and a D minus." The tackle replied "sorry coach, I guess I tried too hard in that one subject."
 
#61
#61
Wincrimson said:
Good to see you married up, my friend! :clapping:

And as for our President's Mansion. . .

UofALpresidentsmansion.jpg
Click to expand...

You see what a nice job of cleaning up can do, no beer cans, dog dung or old junk cars on blocks, good job.
 
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