Florida Jokes

#1
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DCVolDawg

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#1
I'm in an office with three Florida grads and I only have a few jokes in my arsenal so it is tough to match up with them one for one.

I've already used these, feel free to take them.

How many Florida freshmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nobody knows...it is a Sophomore course.

Did you hear about the Florida Gator fan who tried to blow up the Tennessee team bus?
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Gator fan?" "Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess--by the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."

Go Vols!
 
#2
#2
The President of F.U. decides that all student-athletes must complete a quiz before each game. That in mind, Urban hands out his quizzes to his players before the first home game. An O-Lineman reads aloud: "Old MacDonald had a ___________." Tebag whispers: "farm." When the lineman looks at his QB inquisitively, Tebag responds: "You idiot, it's spelled E-I-E-I-O!"
 
#3
#3
Why are there so many unsolved murders in Tennessee?









There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA






...oh wait you said Florida jokes :)
 
#4
#4
Q: How many University of Florida Students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them. One to hold the light bulb, the rest to turn the house.
 
#10
#10
Did you hear that the F.U. cheerleaders are banned for the remainder of the season?

Yeah, the university hasn't found a way to keep them from grazing on the field!
 
#11
#11
Jort jort jort....

300px-Swedishchef2.JPG
 
#12
#12
1 tenn. fan, 1ga. fan & 1fl.fan were out riding around . one saw a leg sticking out from behind a bush, they stopped to investigate. they found a deceased nude female & called the police. while they were waiting the tenn guy takes off his hat & places it over one breast, the ga guy follows suit. they both look at the florida guy, so with reluctance he places his hat over her ( youth). police arrive,ask questions & look over the crime scene. one officer walks over to the body & picks up the tn. hat , puts it back down & writes down some notes. he does the same thing with the ga. hat. then he gets to the gator hat picks it up ,puts it back down, stands up & looks around puzzled, so he picks it back up & repeats the process a couple of more times til the fl. guy gets mad & ask what he's doing . the policeman replies all the other times i've looked under a gatorhat all i've ever seen is an a--hole
 
#14
#14
1.What does a tornado and a divorce have in common in the state of Florida??

Anyway it goes, somebody's going to lose a trailer.


2.What did Urban Meyer's daughter say while having sex for the first time??

Get off of me daddy, you're squashing my cigarrettes.

3.Urban Meyer and Fulmer are in a bathroom taking a leak.Fulmer finishes and starts to walk out of the room when Meyer says down in Florida, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.Fulmer responds, Up in Tennessee, they teach us not to piss on our hands.
 
#15
#15
Hotrodpinto said:
1.What does a tornado and a divorce have in common in the state of Florida??

Anyway it goes, somebody's going to lose a trailer.


2.What did Urban Meyer's daughter say while having sex for the first time??

Get off of me daddy, you're squashing my cigarrettes.

3.Urban Meyer and Fulmer are in a bathroom taking a leak.Fulmer finishes and starts to walk out of the room when Meyer says down in Florida, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.Fulmer responds, Up in Tennessee, they teach us not to piss on our hands.
Click to expand...

Sorry but I hate that joke.
 
#17
#17
Bad thing about all these jokes, is you can change the name of the school or coach and apply it to any of them.
 
#18
#18
probably most of you have heard this one, and it's actually told most often with regard to Bama, but what the heck!...

Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Florida?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. :lolabove:
 
#19
#19
A UF professor is sitting in the middle of a busy highway in Gainesville in a canoe, taking an oar and trying to traverse down the road by rowing against the pavement.

Another UF fan pulls beside him and starts berating him:

"MY GOD ARE YOU STUPID!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IN THE HECK IT IS YOU ARE DOING??? YOU GIVE EVERY ONE IN THE GATOR NATION A BAD NAME!!!

IF I COULD SWIM, I'D GET OUT OF THIS CAR AND KICK YOUR BUTT!!!"
 
#20
#20
All Vol! said:
probably most of you have heard this one, and it's actually told most often with regard to Bama, but what the heck!...

Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Florida?

Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. :lolabove:
Click to expand...

For my money, that's the leader in the clubhouse.
 
#22
#22
What is the definition of safe sex down in Gainesville?
Placing signs on the animals that kick.

What's the difference betwen a 300 pound heifer and a UF cheerleader?
About 30 pounds, but if you grain feed the heifer, she'll catch up.

If you have a car containing a Gator wide receiver, a Gator linebacker, and a Gator defensive back, who is driving the car?
The cop.

What's the best thing to come out of Gainesville?
I-75

Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UF?
He wanted an academic challenge!

Top 10 Classes at UF.
1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC's: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines
 
#23
#23
Not a joke, but I was on my way out the door. I asked my wife to find me a shirt t wear. She pulls a UF Gator shirt out of the closet that she just bought for me. I'm sure she didn't realize what's on the shirt because she's Japanese and has no clue about college football. But surely she knows what shade of orange my team is:eek:hmy:
 
#24
#24
Here is a Kentucky joke. What is the similarities b/w a possum and UK football? Both fall asleep at home and play dead on the road
 
#25
#25
molsen81 said:
Not a joke, but I was on my way out the door. I asked my wife to find me a shirt t wear. She pulls a UF Gator shirt out of the closet that she just bought for me. I'm sure she didn't realize what's on the shirt because she's Japanese and has no clue about college football. But surely she knows what shade of orange my team is:eek:hmy:
Click to expand...

Very sweet lady! Incidentally, my wife is half Chinese/half Japanese (a rare mix), and she's about as abreast of sports as your wife, it seems. True story: I was watching a basketball game a couple years ago, and as she started to get a little impatient with my laziness, she said, "Are you gonna watch baseball all day?" I said, "Sweetie, do you know the difference between baseball and basketball?" She confidently replied, "Yeah...one's big and one's little." :birgits_giggle:
 
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