Favorite Sayings...

#76
#76
"I feel like I'm watching a bunch of retarded Hellen Kellers run around"

"When we get up on a team, we gotta have the mindset of serial killers, we gotta slit their throats and watch them bleed out."

"How hard is it to hit a mother f***in cut-off man, I mean seriously."

"I'm gonna make you guys run until you poop....I mean puke."

"Don't be like our heavenly father, never show mercy."
 
#77
#77
No real quotes but a good story. When I was on the freshman team in high school, our coach was talking to us on the practice field one day about not cursing during practice (he never cursed). 5 minutes later he sends us down to the varsity side of the practice field to get some tackling dummies from the varsity o-line coach. "Dummies for the dummies" he said. Then he unleashes a 4 letter barrage on us for interrupting his practice time. Guess he didn't get along with our freshman coach.
 
#78
#78
The OC at my high school (who is a grad of UT) was the WORST coach ever, but he had some of the most hillarious quotes...

1. If you're walkin' you're wrong! (As he sits his fat A** in a golf cart across the field.)

2. You guys do know that you're allowed to hit somebody. (As he standing next to the defensive line. Let me remind you he was the OC at the school)
 
#79
#79
ScottCoTNVolFan said:
Let me set the stage for you: We were practicing for our fall jamboree. During practice everybody was tired we had been practicing for about 2 1/2(we went 4 hours + everyday) hours during August in about 95 degree heat. During this portion of practice we were 1st team defense vs. Scout Team Offense. Well, our defense was being lazy. All 11 not getting to the football, messing up schemes, and just flat out dogging it. This lasts all of one play and our defensive coordinator tells us "Get off my dadgum field!! You bunch of candy cane legged girls!!!!"He also liked this one for Pass Protection: "Fellas, you know what type of block this is? It is a Virgin Block, No penetration."
Click to expand...

All that build up for that first one? You had me excited I was going to get something good. :search:

The second one is a good one though :thumbsup:

I wish I could remember all of the things my high school baseball coaches came up with. Sad part is its only been 4 years...
 
#81
#81
I forgot one:

"You pussyfuters need to quit pussyfutin and beat the hell out of those pussyfutin pussyfuters."

Coach didn't like it when I burst into tears because I was laughing so hard.
 
#84
#84
Had a football coach but his most hilarious quotes were in the sex Ed classroom. He had this habit that every time he explained a sexual term he would repeat it and then say the following....
Gonorrhea I am saying g o n o (ara) (ara) h e a... Gonorrhea
Between his pronunciation of r's the topic itself and the fact he said it multiple times and spelled it was hilarious. He was also famous for his way of insulting guys. He'd call you some term plus head:
wada (water) head
wada melon head
melon head
knuckle head
jelly bean head
aira (air) head

The funniest was Non-gonococcal urethritis, you can't make stuff like this up.
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#87
#87
My first stint in football and I wasn't real tough yet and had this o lineman spit on my hand when I was in my stance.... Asked coach about stopping the kid and after staring at me coach said .. What are you telling me... You need some water so you can spit back?

Pee wee leauge of course
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#90
#90
Good night son, you could run all day in a frickin shoe box and never get out
(had to clean it up a little bit)
 
#91
#91
After Friday night football games, my coach would always say this to make sure we wouldn't get into trouble over the weekend.
"No buttgrabbin', cave dwellin', cliff hangin', moutain jumpin', or whatever it is you kids do nowadays"
 
#92
#92
"My God son, find the Mike LB and then go from there. That hot piece of *** in the stands will rock your world, but not until you identify the damn Mike."
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#94
#94
My 70+ year old coach , Upon a player getting knocked or falling down would say "Get up son, your killing earth worms" or when a running back wasn't running hard coach would sing "look at him tippy-toeing through the tulips". and my favorite , to ANY injury, including my cousins injury, in whom coach played himthe second half of a game with a broken collarbone, he would say "Rub some ice on it, it will be OK".
 
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#96
#96
"You guys just suck!".
- right before we ran on the field, really made us confident.

"Don't worry son, I've got a tape for seinfeld ready to record in the vcr!"
- in OT against our big rival, huge crowd, nervous situation, this is what he said to me as I ran onto the field with the play.
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#97
#97
Two favorites:

"Boy, you belong in special ed with my wife" (his wife was a special ed teacher...but you can see how this made me chuckle.

"Boy, you'd been better off shot off in a napkin"
 
#99
#99
"We'll win this game. That's not the problem. I'm not worried about that. But letting these boys hang around ain't what we're about. I don't care if we're playing the Tennessee School for the Blind, you knock their dick in the dirt."

Once we were down 18-0 at halftime, after a crazy speech, our coach had a stroke, and didn't leave the field until we were up, because he, "Didn't want credit for the win." We won 40-24.
 
#100
#100
"Son, you've got you're thumb in your ass and your mind in Arkansas"

High School Basketball Coach

" Their butthole's are so tight you couldn't drive a ten penny nail in it"

High School Baseball Coach
 
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