Bama jokes

#1
H

hatingbamaisawayoflife

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#1
WHAT IS NICK SABAN'S BIGGEST FEAR THIS YEAR WITH RECRUITING?
Needs to know if bail money is an NCAA violation.

WHY CANT ALL BAMA PLAYERS GET IN THE HUDDLE?
consorting with a known felon is a parole violation.

WOMAN CALLED 911 TODAY IN TUSCALOOSA. SAID SOMEONE BREAKING IN MY HOUSE I AM AFRAID THEY ARE ABOUT TO ROB ME....
policeman "we are very busy ma'am...get their jersey number and we will be there as soon as possible.

WHAT DOES BAMA HOPE TO HAVE FOR A RECORD THIS YEAR......
7-6....7 arrests, 6 convictions.
 
#2
#2
Very funny.:lolabove: I wish that I could think of some, but I can't think of any.:(
 
#4
#4
how do you make a florida state cookie? send them to the sugar bowl and pound on them for 45 min.

it wasnt a bama joke cause bama isnt making any bowl games anyways.
sorry best i had to offer at this current time.
 
#6
#6
what do bama fans and maggots have in common?

They can live off dead bear for years
 
#7
#7
Know how a Bama man wants the milkman to leave an extra quart?...He hangs his wife's bra on the doorknob :p
 
#9
#9
Keep them coming. My fiance's aunt is a BAMMER and she hates me just because I am a UT fan and I have converted my fiance (she liked UT but didnt really watch anything)
 
#10
#10
An oldie but a goodie...

A man is sitting at a bar. He taps on the bartender's shoulder and says, "Hey, you wanna hear an Alabama football joke?"

The bartender is a big, burly, angry looking man. He's got all sorts of tattoos up and down his arms and must weigh at least 350. He leans down and says, "Hey buddy, I played football for Alabama. You see those two big guys over there? They played for Alabama, too. How 'bout I call them over here so we can all listen to your little joke?"

The man thinks about this for a minute and says, "Nah, never mind."

The bartender leans in closer and says, "Why? You some kinda pansy?"

The man says, "No, I just don't want to have to explain it three times."
 
#13
#13
Q. How do you get a University of Alabama valedictorian off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What is the difference between the Crimson Tide and a bowl of cornflakes?
A. One belongs in a bowl, the other doesn't.

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. All of them. One to change the lightbulb, the rest to talk about how Bear Bryant would have done it.
 
#14
#14
Two third graders are standing side by side. One is a Bama fan and one is an Auburn fan. Which kid is bigger?

A: The Bama fan, because he's 18.
 
#15
#15
Alabama fans truly are too easy of a target. Only here would Nick Saban's trip to the barber shop make the top story of the day.
 
#16
#16
hatingbamaisawayoflife said:
what is nick saban's biggest fear this year with recruiting?
Needs to know if bail money is an ncaa violation.

Why cant all bama players get in the huddle?
Consorting with a known felon is a parole violation.

Woman called 911 today in tuscaloosa. Said someone breaking in my house i am afraid they are about to rob me....
Policeman "we are very busy ma'am...get their jersey number and we will be there as soon as possible.

What does bama hope to have for a record this year......
7-6....7 arrests, 6 convictions.
Click to expand...
rammer jammer bammers in the slammer!!!
 
#17
#17
A Bama football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it in time.

Why don't Bama fans drink Kool-Aid?
They don't know how to fit the 2 quarts of water into that little package

What do Freddie Kitchens and Billy Graham have in common?
They are the only two people in the world that can make 80,000 people stand up and yell, "JESUS CHRIST!!!"

What do they call duct tape in Tuscaloosa?
Chrome.



You Know You Attended The University Of Alabama If .....

*The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
*You have the local Taxidermist's phone number on speed dial.
*You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
*Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
*That billboard that says, "Say no to crack" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
*You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
*You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
*Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.
*Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
*Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
*Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
*You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
*You can get dog hair from your belly button.
*The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
*Your huntin' dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
*You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
 
#18
#18
CubsFanTN said:
Q. How do you get a University of Alabama valedictorian off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What is the difference between the Crimson Tide and a bowl of cornflakes?
A. One belongs in a bowl, the other doesn't.

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. All of them. One to change the lightbulb, the rest to talk about how Bear Bryant would have done it.
Click to expand...

:):):):):):yahoo::yahoo:Made my Day!!!
 
#19
#19
Alabama practicing kick off coverage!!!

chilmonty-albums-my+pics-picture180-862266.jpg
 
#21
#21
Why is a tornado like a divorce in Alabama?
Either way it goes, somebody is losing a trailer.
 
#22
#22
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Always one of my favorites:[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]This guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!" [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]
<!-- #BeginLibraryItem "/Library/friend.lbi" -->
 
#23
#23
i know this is old, but here is one of my favorites...


THIS IS ALABAMA FOOTBALL

It's getting serenaded with "Rocky Top" by the Minnesota band after losing a 3rd-tier bowl game.

It's worshipping an old dead drunk.

It's losing cases in courtrooms from Memphis to "Tuscaloser" and still thinking you were innocent.

It's losing 9 of 10 to Tennessee and still thinking you're better.

It's claiming 12 national titles when no one else with half a brain recognizes you with more than 6.

It's making fun of other team's "half a national championship," when most of the ones you claim were shared.

It's claiming a national championship after losing to Mississippi State and Vandy.

It's claiming national championships after losing your bowl game.

5 coaches in 5 years.

2 probations for cheating in less than 10 years.

Going to Hawaii to get beat and calling it a "Bowl" game.

Moral victory after moral victory.

Biggest tradition is buying and bidding on players.

Knowing your the best team everytime you get beat.

Knowing that the refs are against you.

Knowing that the NCAA is against you.

Knowing that UT owns you.

Waking up to nightmares of hearing "Rocky Top" over and over and over.

Mike Price.

It is watching you go through 4 coaches in 2 years.

It is having head coaches leave for places like Duke, Kentucky, UTEP, and Texas A&M.

It is having your 5th choice for HC turn you down.

It is watching Tommy Tuberville AND Phil Fulmer having as many SEC wins at Bryant-Denny Stadium as your own Head Coach.

It is remembering when losing by any margin at home to Auburn didn't make THEM fall in the polls.

It is hoping that Northern Illinois doesn't show up again to ruin Homecoming.

It is reminiscing of Shula's Greatest Game - a win over Southern Miss.

It is offering Ole Miss walk-ons Football Scholarships.

It is sharing a home field with the Blazers.

It is fans proudly displaying toilet paper rolls and empty detergent boxes when the whole world can see that you don't know how to use either.

It is a Million Dollar Band and a Two Million Dollar Defensive Line.

It is decades of ignorantly mocking your arch rival for being named the Tigers and yelling "War Eagle" when you're called the Crimson Tide and have an Elephant walk the sidelines.

It is giving your head coach a contract extension after going 4-9 and 6-6.

It is giving your head coach a contract where he can earn a bonus for winning 7 games - and the bonus remaining unpaid.

It is throwing bricks through your coach's window after a 10 win season.

It is knowing that Notre Dame takes pride in saying "well, at least we're not as bad as Alabama".

It is having a head coach realize that the ugliest stripper in Pensacola was prettier than the Alabama coaching job.

It is running off your backup QB by playing him with a concussion.

It is having a losing record since January 1st 2000.

It is being the fourth best football team in your state.

It is refusing to play those teams unless mandated by the state government.

It is forfeiting games for playing an ineligible player for an entire season.

It is getting caught cheating while still on probation.

It is having the AD with the most experience hiring Head Coaches in the nation, yet worst track record.

And last but not least, being the victim of a conspiracy 15 years in the making involving Phillip Fulmer, the NCAA, the FBI and Osama Bin Laden.


:dance2:
 
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