Alabama jokes

#26
#26
Crew said:
Harvey+Updyke+crop.jpg



...biggest joke I could think of.
Click to expand...

This is a picture of the TYPICAL redneck, clueless, pompous, mouthy, know-it-all, idiot Alabama fan.
 
#30
#30
This is why I love my girlfriend. She works in a liquor store (big bonus, but not the reason) and a Bama fan came in today. She was wearing her UT gear and he started mouthing off about the Tide beating up on the Vols later tonight. My girlfriend said, "I wouldn't be so sure about that, I heard that Saban is only dressing 20 players for the game tonight". The Bama fan asked why that was. She just smiled and said "Because he's hoping the rest of the team can dress themselves this time". I love that damn girl. GO VOLS!
 
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#31
#31
demon_vol said:
this is why i love my girlfriend. She works in a liquor store (big bonus, but not the reason) and a bama fan came in today. She was wearing her ut gear and he started mouthing off about the tide beating up on the vols later tonight. My girlfriend said, "i wouldn't be so sure about that, i heard that saban is only dressing 20 players for the game tonight". The bama fan asked why that was. She just smiled and said "because he's hoping the rest of the team can dress themselves this time". I love that damn girl. Go vols!
Click to expand...

classic!!!!
 
#36
#36
Only made it to 1min in watching that...
before...


I threw up in my mouth.
That's taterdiggin'-possumtail-ugly!
Double dang that good ole boy's dumb...
but even more important...just
NASTY!!!!

Scum meter all they way over the line
bout now...any ladies wanna kiss that?

Thank you for reminding me
why I live in Rocky Top Tennessee!

Go Vols! whoooo!!!

pualsline said:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-JW5zghiTM[/youtube]
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
#38
#38
I overheard this exchange at Neyland a few years back.

A Tennessee fan and a Bammer fan were in the restroom at halftime. They both finished and the Bammer went to the sink to wash up while the Tennessee fan headed for the door.

Ole Bammer said " In Alabama, we wash our hands when we finish using the restroom."

The Tennessee fan never missed a best when he said " In Tennessee, we don't pee on our hands."

True Story
 
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#43
#43
98utvols said:
1. An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"

2. Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

3. Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

4. A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

5. Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

6. It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University's response was "Why do we need another phone company?"

7. After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge UT banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and General Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not the General's house. That's mine."
Click to expand...

Make that Montgomery and you have a good joke.

I love bammer jokes, and unfortunately that's all we have these days....and they can be turned around to Tennessee just as easily...SAD!
 
#44
#44
How do you circumcise a man in Alabama?

Kick his sister in the teeth.



How man Alabama polic officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Trick question: they just beat the room for being black.
 
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#46
#46
Alabama is so good at football that they have more titles than the average resident has teeth.
 
#47
#47
University of Alabama

A redneck intellectual backwater. Ranks 10th among the 12 SEC institutions in both SAT and GRE averages. Mississippi State University & the University of Mississippi, aka "Ole Miss," rank 11th & 12th. Located in Tuscaloosa, a pathetic peckerwood Wal-Martesque Twilight Zone ****hole out near Mississippi and former headquarters of the KKK. Uber obsessed with Auburn and "footbawl," few "students" would know Proust from Proulx from Prado. Its nemesis, Auburn, is another "university" in the state, but it is close to Georgia and Atlanta, with several thousand students from metro Atlanta, the Northeast, the Midwest, the West Coast and Asia who have diminshed the inbred factor substantially - while increasing standardized test averages to something approaching halfway respectable. The University of Alabama female "students" attend classes wearing flip-flops and with their stringy platinum blonde hair haphazardly piled megaskank fashion atop their heads. Male "students" invariably feature "Bama Bangs," which makes them appear to have even lower IQs. They speak with accents which make most cringe, as if they are the products of 800 years of inbreeding. Jacked up pickup trucks abound, "Bama" tattoos aren't a rarity and an unsettling percentage of the natives (especially the "Bama Bangs" sporting males) "chew" (chew and spit tobacco). The females see these "attributes" as signs of their men not being gay. "He mat be dumbern possum ****, but he's mah my-yun!"

The University of Alabama cheer: "Ramma Jamma Belly Hamma Row Tah Row! Nah less play sum foot bawl!"

I copied this off of another posters post.
So this is for the ones that didn't take the time click the link.

Too Funny!!
 
#49
#49
After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Tennessee flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Tennessee banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Neyland gets a mansion with Tennessee banners and UT flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not the General's house. That's mine."
 
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