/deceased movie trailer guy
/cue high school highlight reel montage
He was the best of the best.
/touchdown pass footage.
He was a blue-chip recruit with a scholarship to a storied football program.
/cue Vol walk
He had everything going for him.
/cue super hot top-heavy girlfriend.
Until it all went wrong....
/cue ominous music
Numerous offensive coordinators over his collegiate career.
A fan base that uttered death threats.
A head coach who'd lost the will to win.
Benched mid-season and widely regarded as the worst quarterback in the history of Tennessee Volunteers football, leading his team to a lowly 5-7 record.
They took his pride.
They took his girl.
They even killed his dog.
But they couldn't take his will to survive.
/cue Eye of the Tiger
/cue montage of Crompy lifting wagons and climbing mountains chased by KGB agents in Russia, and throwing footballs at cows, killing them, before finally grabbing a picture of Steve Spurrier in his fist and crumpling it.
/cut to Crompy on top of the mountain
"SPURRIIIIIEEERRRRRRR!!!!!"
"SPURRIIIIIIIIEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
"SPURRRRIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
/camera pans around Crompy and zooms out.
/cue deceased movie trailer guy's extra gravelly voice
This is the story of Crompy, 5 time NFL MVP and 4 time Super Bowl winner, the story you weren't meant to hear. The story Mike Slive doesn't want you to know. The story that will rock your balls off. And maybe make you punch the wall with man rage.
Crompy. Coming to a theater near you. If your theater has enough balls to show it.
/cue high school highlight reel montage
He was the best of the best.
/touchdown pass footage.
He was a blue-chip recruit with a scholarship to a storied football program.
/cue Vol walk
He had everything going for him.
/cue super hot top-heavy girlfriend.
Until it all went wrong....
/cue ominous music
Numerous offensive coordinators over his collegiate career.
A fan base that uttered death threats.
A head coach who'd lost the will to win.
Benched mid-season and widely regarded as the worst quarterback in the history of Tennessee Volunteers football, leading his team to a lowly 5-7 record.
They took his pride.
They took his girl.
They even killed his dog.
But they couldn't take his will to survive.
/cue Eye of the Tiger
/cue montage of Crompy lifting wagons and climbing mountains chased by KGB agents in Russia, and throwing footballs at cows, killing them, before finally grabbing a picture of Steve Spurrier in his fist and crumpling it.
/cut to Crompy on top of the mountain
"SPURRIIIIIEEERRRRRRR!!!!!"
"SPURRIIIIIIIIEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
"SPURRRRIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
/camera pans around Crompy and zooms out.
/cue deceased movie trailer guy's extra gravelly voice
This is the story of Crompy, 5 time NFL MVP and 4 time Super Bowl winner, the story you weren't meant to hear. The story Mike Slive doesn't want you to know. The story that will rock your balls off. And maybe make you punch the wall with man rage.
Crompy. Coming to a theater near you. If your theater has enough balls to show it.
opcorn::dance2::clapping:
