The Chemistry of Hell

#1
lawgator1

lawgator1

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#1
A girlfriend of mine sent me the below. I post it as an extension of the poem thread. Sort of.
 
#2
#2
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound', that the professor shared it with his colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.
The student received an A+
 
#6
#6
True Story.

I was sitting in the UC one time killing time between classes and I overheard some people next to me talking about an incident in their previous class, I assume it was a biology class.

It went like this:
A girl was questioning the professor on a some things and she brought up the idea that since sugar is a prime ingredient in glucose and in turn glucose is part of sperm, then why did it taste so salty?

My description of how sugar/glucose/sperm is probably way off as this story happened about 12 years ago and I am no biology major, but other than that I thought it was a funny story.
 
#8
#8
allvol123 said:
True Story.

I was sitting in the UC one time killing time between classes and I overheard some people next to me talking about an incident in their previous class, I assume it was a biology class.

It went like this:
A girl was questioning the professor on a some things and she brought up the idea that since sugar is a prime ingredient in glucose and in turn glucose is part of sperm, then why did it taste so salty?

My description of how sugar/glucose/sperm is probably way off as this story happened about 12 years ago and I am no biology major, but other than that I thought it was a funny story.
Click to expand...

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Why Does It Taste So Salty?
 
#9
#9
Funny LG.

I went to a rather conservative Christian college and personally witnessed the following exchange in a biology class:

Dr. Smith: "Don't complain about your grades, just keep in mind that this was just a little quizzie"

Blonde in the middle of the class: "If this was just a quizzie I would hate to see your testes"
 
#10
#10
lawgator1 said:
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound', that the professor shared it with his colleagues via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.
The student received an A+
Click to expand...

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Endothermic or Exothermic?
 
#11
#11
My favorite line came from a Management professor. He was explaining the difference between training and education.

He put it this way - would you rather I give your 16 y/o daughter sex training or sex education...
 
#12
#12
volinbham said:
My favorite line came from a Management professor. He was explaining the difference between training and education.

He put it this way - would you rather I give your 16 y/o daughter sex training or sex education...
Click to expand...

My answer - Education
Bammer's answer - "What she look like?"
 
#15
#15
allvol123 said:
Since you highlighted "True Story" in my post, are you claiming I took my story from this site you posted?
Click to expand...

Not at all. Just saying that this urban legend has been around for years. I first heard that story 20 years ago. 5 years before that, they were saying Alfonso Ribeiro broke his neck break dancing. Before that, they were talking about Pop Rocks and soda can make your head explode...
 
#23
#23
There are tons of good Pediatric myths that run rampant in email rings among paranoid moms. I get about one or two a month from my wife -- PPA in cold medications, toxic magic erasers, mercury in vaccines causing autism. . . .
 
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