Official Gramps' Memorial Eternal OT Thread

#75,876
#75,876
joevol24 said:
For those of you who don't know, don't understand, or don't want to admit it, mental health is a real issue. I'm going to be 43 in a little over a week. I have a seemingly perfect life living in paradise.

For the past few weeks I can only think about harming myself. It is ruining my relationship, it becomes exponential in self loathing. The VA is absolutely no help, even though it is service connected.

I'm doing everything I can to not take that final step. Or action. Or whatever you want to call it. None of us know each other in real life, so it's easy to post this here.

My family has barely ever left southeast Tennessee. I'm the only one who made a life of living. They don't understand why or how I have these thoughts, but they also never really left home.

I am pretty sure I'm not going to hurt myself tonight, but I never really know. If i do or if I don't, make sure you all educate yourselves on mental health. It is the one real pandemic in America. And everywhere else for that matter.

Maybe it is earth's way of saying there are too many of us. Maybe it is my way of rationalizing an irrational thing. I'm fairly certain I'll see tomorrow without self harm. Can't say for sure.

Don't feel sympathy for me, no matter what happens, I can look back at a life lived and dreams fulfilled. Always remember to take care of each other.

It's 1 in the morning here and I'm going to try to find the elusive sleep that has evaded me recently. Not the never-ending kind, the feel refreshed kind. Never forget to tell your loved ones that you love them. And for goodness sake, if someone travels halfway around the world, to see you, and other relatives, spend time with them. No matter how hard that may be.
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been there man. it ain't easy and most people won't understand.

I was a fourth year (5 year program), I was down where you are. ready to jump and end my life, note, things squared away, all that stuff. someone saw me, probably not knowing what was going thru my head, and came up and asked me for my opinion. that simple conversation with a borderline stranger, changed my life.

I didn't fix their problems, they ended up dropping out. I didn't discover some great truth about myself. I had a conversation, and that humanized me to me.

it didn't fix me, it didn't remove the harmful thoughts. but it set me on a direction. a direction I chose to follow. took years to get my life on any sort of "track". but along the way it was the small things that made the biggest difference. allow yourself to see the beauty in small things. those can be with you every day. allow yourself to find little truths about yourself, admit those truths, find the values in those truths. those little truths are you, and they are worth keeping around and enjoying. it won't happen tonight, it won't be tomorrow, but thats ok. take your time, and find yourself. you will be stronger for it in the end. you will find a type of peace you won't find in things, or even experiences, or even with others. a type of peace you can turn to, that you can reset to. it takes take, it takes effort, it isn't easy, it isn't fun. but its worth it, you are worth it.

allow yourself to feel hurt. its just as important as feeling good. allow yourself to have valid feelings, don't listen to someone who just says be happy. or you will be happy if you do X or Y or Z.

even after these years, I still have moments. but its the little truths, the little beauties in life that give me something to hang on to. to say its going to be ok, even if it sucks now, it will be ok.

"I've been losin' sleep
I've been keepin' myself awake
I've been wandering the streets
For days and days and days
Going from road to road
Bed to bed
Lover to lover
And black to red

But I believe
I believe
There's no salvation for me now
No space among the clouds
And I feel I'm heading down
But that's alright
That's alright
That's alright
That's alright

And I've been taking chances
I've been setting myself up for the fall
And I've been keeping secrets
From my heart and from my soul
Going from road to road
Bed to bed
Lover to lover
And black to red

But I believe
I believe
There's no salvation for me now
No space among the clouds
And I feel I'm heading down
But that's alright
That's alright
That's alright
That's alright"
 
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#75,877
#75,877
joevol24 said:
For those of you who don't know, don't understand, or don't want to admit it, mental health is a real issue. I'm going to be 43 in a little over a week. I have a seemingly perfect life living in paradise.

For the past few weeks I can only think about harming myself. It is ruining my relationship, it becomes exponential in self loathing. The VA is absolutely no help, even though it is service connected.

I'm doing everything I can to not take that final step. Or action. Or whatever you want to call it. None of us know each other in real life, so it's easy to post this here.

My family has barely ever left southeast Tennessee. I'm the only one who made a life of living. They don't understand why or how I have these thoughts, but they also never really left home.

I am pretty sure I'm not going to hurt myself tonight, but I never really know. If i do or if I don't, make sure you all educate yourselves on mental health. It is the one real pandemic in America. And everywhere else for that matter.

Maybe it is earth's way of saying there are too many of us. Maybe it is my way of rationalizing an irrational thing. I'm fairly certain I'll see tomorrow without self harm. Can't say for sure.

Don't feel sympathy for me, no matter what happens, I can look back at a life lived and dreams fulfilled. Always remember to take care of each other.

It's 1 in the morning here and I'm going to try to find the elusive sleep that has evaded me recently. Not the never-ending kind, the feel refreshed kind. Never forget to tell your loved ones that you love them. And for goodness sake, if someone travels halfway around the world, to see you, and other relatives, spend time with them. No matter how hard that may be.
Click to expand...
Please don't let the intrusive thoughts win.

@Orangeslice13
 
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#75,879
#75,879
joevol24 said:
For those of you who don't know, don't understand, or don't want to admit it, mental health is a real issue. I'm going to be 43 in a little over a week. I have a seemingly perfect life living in paradise.

For the past few weeks I can only think about harming myself. It is ruining my relationship, it becomes exponential in self loathing. The VA is absolutely no help, even though it is service connected.

I'm doing everything I can to not take that final step. Or action. Or whatever you want to call it. None of us know each other in real life, so it's easy to post this here.

My family has barely ever left southeast Tennessee. I'm the only one who made a life of living. They don't understand why or how I have these thoughts, but they also never really left home.

I am pretty sure I'm not going to hurt myself tonight, but I never really know. If i do or if I don't, make sure you all educate yourselves on mental health. It is the one real pandemic in America. And everywhere else for that matter.

Maybe it is earth's way of saying there are too many of us. Maybe it is my way of rationalizing an irrational thing. I'm fairly certain I'll see tomorrow without self harm. Can't say for sure.

Don't feel sympathy for me, no matter what happens, I can look back at a life lived and dreams fulfilled. Always remember to take care of each other.

It's 1 in the morning here and I'm going to try to find the elusive sleep that has evaded me recently. Not the never-ending kind, the feel refreshed kind. Never forget to tell your loved ones that you love them. And for goodness sake, if someone travels halfway around the world, to see you, and other relatives, spend time with them. No matter how hard that may be.
Click to expand...
Speaking from personal experience, you're never going to feel like anyone truly understands how you feel or what you're going through. Some days will be better than others, and there's always a chance tomorrow will be one of those better days. Hold on for the ones you love, because no matter how alone you may feel, or what your thoughts may be telling you, hurting yourself hurts them.
 
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#75,881
#75,881
@joevol24

Hang in there. You've got more friends than you know wishing you the best even if we aren't there to support you directly. Several guys have given you really good words of wisdom. I'm constantly amazed how people like me struggle to say the right thing, and others know just how to do it right. So, please, listen to those like gcb, louder, marcus, and pepper. Know the rest of us share their concern, but not necessarily their ability to say so with the apt words.
 
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#75,882
#75,882
LouderVol said:
I brought this up in some other threads too. New EPA rule that effect's all new HVAC systems too.

won't say more to avoid a political discussion.
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I was thinking about this earlier, and realizing I'm in essence still a newbie here ... wasn't around when Gramps started this forum. I would imagine his intent was to allow good commentary without getting into the real political agenda. That would seem to say that on many issues there is what we see as common sense vs what others mandate, and it seems that there really is an obligation to point out common sense even when it verges on the political - because we have governments and corporations committed to controlling every facet of our lives. Worse is that those in positions to mandate whether corporate, education, or the many layers of government in reality seem to be just one step removed from the playground bully of their younger years ... they just dress and for the most part talk better now.

While the type A personalities work well to motivate, they don't necessarily seem to capture the essence of the subject well - they talk rather than listen or reason. As a result, we get new things such as flammable coolants because when people such as rabid and narrow minded environmentalists and control freaks (whether elected or appointed) take away rational alternatives, all we have left are bad choices. Unless it hijacks the thread, it seems that some commentary here is better than more narrow focused forums that may not be read. In my case I have stopped visiting other forums because I just don't have the time these days. A little warning is a good thing even if it verges on the political because we've let our lives be take over by others.
 
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#75,885
#75,885
AM64 said:
He could change it to say something like "EPA effects new law aimed toward criminal stupidity"
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No one listens or cares what I say, so I saw an opportunity to be correct for once. So I took it and ran with it in all the glory.

In fact, I am giving myself today’s award for my awesomeness.

1722024907483.gif
 
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#75,897
#75,897
StarRaider said:
can some one explain how keith richards outlived richard simmons to me?
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Drugs, alcohol, hard living kills cells. Survival of the fittest dictates only the strongest cells survive. Those cells replicate. Thus only the strongest cells passed on DNA for decades and those now make up Richard's body.

Simmons took care of his body. Allowing weak cells an opportunity to live and reproduce. This made Simmons weak and susceptible over time.
 
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#75,898
#75,898
McDad said:
Drugs, alcohol, hard living kills cells. Survival of the fittest dictates only the strongest cells survive. Those cells replicate. Thus only the strongest cells passed on DNA for decades and those now make up Richard's body.

Simmons took care of his body. Allowing weak cells an opportunity to live and reproduce. This made Simmons weak and susceptible over time.
Click to expand...
so that is why i always feel smarter after a few beers... i killed the slow dumb brain cells
 
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#75,900
#75,900
McDad said:
Drugs, alcohol, hard living kills cells. Survival of the fittest dictates only the strongest cells survive. Those cells replicate. Thus only the strongest cells passed on DNA for decades and those now make up Richard's body.

Simmons took care of his body. Allowing weak cells an opportunity to live and reproduce. This made Simmons weak and susceptible over time.
Click to expand...

Well done!
 
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