For those of you who don't know, don't understand, or don't want to admit it, mental health is a real issue. I'm going to be 43 in a little over a week. I have a seemingly perfect life living in paradise.
For the past few weeks I can only think about harming myself. It is ruining my relationship, it becomes exponential in self loathing. The VA is absolutely no help, even though it is service connected.
I'm doing everything I can to not take that final step. Or action. Or whatever you want to call it. None of us know each other in real life, so it's easy to post this here.
My family has barely ever left southeast Tennessee. I'm the only one who made a life of living. They don't understand why or how I have these thoughts, but they also never really left home.
I am pretty sure I'm not going to hurt myself tonight, but I never really know. If i do or if I don't, make sure you all educate yourselves on mental health. It is the one real pandemic in America. And everywhere else for that matter.
Maybe it is earth's way of saying there are too many of us. Maybe it is my way of rationalizing an irrational thing. I'm fairly certain I'll see tomorrow without self harm. Can't say for sure.
Don't feel sympathy for me, no matter what happens, I can look back at a life lived and dreams fulfilled. Always remember to take care of each other.
It's 1 in the morning here and I'm going to try to find the elusive sleep that has evaded me recently. Not the never-ending kind, the feel refreshed kind. Never forget to tell your loved ones that you love them. And for goodness sake, if someone travels halfway around the world, to see you, and other relatives, spend time with them. No matter how hard that may be.
