Yeah I think its just a different perspective thing and us putting weight on different things. I don't think its a big deal, just a difference of opinion. Also, I like your commentary on most things as well so I don't want any of this to get personal. I'll try to explain my perspective a little better.
I feel Gard had no authority or right to hold onto/grab him at all. Grabbing him in of itself isn't necessarily a cardinal sin, but it contributed to the escalation. Even Howard noted that him grabbing him is what ultimately pushed him over the top.
And I'm sure Gard knew that might happen because Howard is a well-known douchecanoe and hothead - but I admit that's conjecture. I think 
@MoCo_Vol said it well in his post.
"It takes two people to keep an argument going" is conflict resolution 101. It takes 1 to stop an argument with disengagement and self control. This is where I'm thinking about this from: The product (an argument that escalated to violence) was the result of at least 2 parties continuing an argument. The presence of the product lends credence to what went into the reaction. If Gard just slaps his hand and walks by without entertaining Howard then it moves on. But he chose to grab him and step in front of him - which triggered the hot head. For that I personally think he bears some blame - not anywhere near the extent of Howard, but he should not be grabbing anyone from an opposing team.
Rick Barnes wouldn't grab ahold of Penny Hardaway after the Vols kicked their butts and try to tell him something after Penny mouths off. He knows better than that. In fact, I think Barnes and Calipari didn't even shake hands after the last game and they're good friends! They're wise, and I'm sure they talked later about things that happened during the game they took issue with because they're professionals.