Three things that will happen before those conditions are met.
1) Temple wins a national championship in football
2) For one night, all the wives of the world are cured of the brain tumors that have apparently given them continuous cluster headaches since their wedding day
3) Barbara Bush (the matriarch, not the young one) and the late Marge Schott will grace the pages of Playboy
And I also think that a self-proclaimed general would sit up and go "Orange helmets? An orange tank? 'Fort Neyland?' Wow, I guess I am a colossal douche" before the original three things happen.